Episode 184 - Footage Not Found

HWIDG would like to formally apologize for 2020. We might have said some things about 2019 last year that were a bit derogatory, and clearly they have taken it out on the rest of the world. In these trying times, we here at HWIDG can only hope that things get better this year with say, maybe, an alien invasion? That would be pretty cool. Zombies are played out, so that's off the list. D.B. Cooper! How about that! Let's finally get that one over with. Maybe the Moon can crack and give us all magic powers? Yeah, that sounds nice. I call teleportation, you can have:

* Gaslighting
* Missing Passages
* Modernizing Films
* Water Levels

Gaslighting is like a sinister version of the Mandela Effect. At first you're adamant that what you know to be right is right, right? Of course, it's been like that for years, how could they have changed it? But they never changed it. They had to have changed it! They didn't. They didn't? No, you've been wrong your whole life. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING CRAZY. Now imagine if the news did this, but no one cared.

In days of yore, books were small. Novels of the day might as well have been the length of a decently large Twitter chain. Large tomes were reserved for medical texts, dictionaries, and the like. But once printing was sufficiently affordable, and the masses learned to read, 'epics' became epicly large! So in this day and age of thousand-page book quadrilogies, it seems a bit odd to leave out large chunks of story that the reader might want! They're already invested in your world, your characters, your voice! If they're reading the second volume of your series, they like you! What's another hundred or two pages?

Imagine if you got a "C" on a History paper. You work on it all night, picking and prodding at it, editing and assembling, and when it's done, it's done, you've got to turn it in. Could you have started earlier? Of course. There's a dozen things you would change, but at a certain point, it's done. If you went home after receiving your grade, made vast changes to it, and turned it back in the next day, your teacher might as well slap you right in the face. Changing it after the fact wont change your score, all it'll do is make the teacher think lesser of you.

Water. We need it. Gots to have it, or we die. Which is funny, because in most games water is the enemy. Big 'ol lake? You'll insta-drown, or you're shark bait. How many times are we going to lower the water level of a room so we can finally get into it? Hell, Fallout will straight up murder you for drinking the wrong kind of water. But worst of all? Worst of all is when they give you a scuba suit/magical water amulet/nothing at all and expect you to navigate underwater corridors with the grace of a stoned elephant. Please, game develpers, I beg of you, delete all of your water assets, for the betterment of mankind.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on  DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 183 - Arachnid Photography

On this historic day, HWIDG goes where no formerly international podcast has gone before. That's right, HWIDG has teamed up with KFC, and with their help, today we are launching the first manned-spaceflight podcast recording session! Tab and Tim will climb aboard the majestic ship The Colonel which has been under construction for the last 5 years and has gone through thousands of hours of testing, and record the very first podcast from space! A quick reminder that today's shuttle launch is brought to you by none other than the world-famous KFC, try a new $30 Fill-Up Meal, perfect for a family of 4 plus leftovers, or a fat slob like you, you pig. Well, we're T-minus 30 minutes now and they're about to equip the Original Recipe© fuel tanks...hold on I'm getting some news... it appears that due to some light sprinkling of rain the launch has been postponed indefinitely, so back to your originally scheduled programming:

* Opening the Floodgates
* Working Under the Gallows
* Showrunners
* Dramacasts

If you let one vocal minority have their way and make a grand gesture of it, you open the floodgates for every other nut case to try and get their 15 minutes of fame. First we get the SnyderCut. Then the AyerCut of Suicide Squad, then the FiegCut of Ghostbusters, then the colorist's cut of Batman Begins, then the second assistant editor's cut of Saving Private Ryan, then Liam Neeson's driver's cut of Schindler's List, and before you know it, we'll have the cat of the great-granddaughter of the caterer's cut of BioDome!

How do you expect workers to care about work when they know their time is up? It's almost cruel to take someone in a retail job who has been there long enough to maybe start to like their little store, then tell them they're fired in 2 months, and also you have to help tear the place down. How can anyone feel good about going to work with a literal axe hanging over their head the whole time? Especially when there's a few of privilege that aren't losing their jobs. Just go ahead and put me in an orange jumpsuit with a ball-and-chain and make me build my own guillotine.

Showrunners! Sounds like they've got a lot of work to do. But really, they're an idea man/publicist. It's the job taken by someone that isn't good enough to be a director, but also isn't good enough to be the head writer, but has still somehow wriggled their way into importance, so the studio has to let them do something. It's like when there's a rich kid on a boat and he wants to drive it, so the captain plays nice and gives him his own little captain's hat and sets the boat to auto-pilot and lets the kid play with the steering wheel. If that kid's an asshole and if the captain isn't watching, he can really mess that boat ride up for everyone.

Who likes drama? No, not a gripping movie full of choices and consequences, but, like, petty drama. Gossip. Tabloid-esque news. I'll tell you who likes it, boring people. People that don't have hobbies, or friends, or a relationship, or a job. People who are missing some big part of life and haven't filled it with anything of substance. So they trick themselves into thinking that this drama between The Housewives of Orange County or between Twitch streamers XxVapeNinjaxX and ProJoe means something. And you'd think that there's one or two crazy people like that, but no. There's thousands. Millions even. It's terrifying.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us  on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 182 - Cabela's Big Gamer Hunter

The time has come. Far too long has "Big Podcast" had a hand in what HWIDG says. Remember the debacle that was Episode 180? Well, the shackles have been broken and it is time for us to #ReleaseTheSeidelCut. That's right, from now on the podcast will be edited by Todd and it will be a 4+ hour extravaganza! No more childish humor, no more feel-good voicemails, it's time for heady topics, grow room tips, and ska, a lot of ska. So get on your knees TRUE HWIDG fans, for your savior is here and his name is Todd and he brings:

* Seatbelt Propaganda
* Campers
* Otherkin
* Songs That Are Too Good

Buckle up. Click it or ticket. What happens to naughty little kids that don't? Look at this picture of a kid with half of hid face missing! That's what happens! Luckily, the windshield's glass will probably nick your carotid artery as you fly through it, so you won't be in pain that long. Remember, typical emergency response is 10 minutes! And that's if someone even sees you crash! It's likely you'll be locked in your overturned, burning SUV for what seems like an eternity as the fire grows stronger, and you choke on the fumes, rendering you unconscious until the fiery pain of sixth-degree burns wake you. You didn't even know those existed did you? Well you would've if you just buckled up.

Imagine the smug 13 year-old with the best gun in the game, hiding in the corner of the map, in just the right spot, waiting for you to spawn in front of him. Don't you want to literally murder him? You've got nothing to do, now summer's over, you little twerp. Other people still have work and stuff You get to spend all day playing and finding your little camping spots. I just want to unwind after a long day, and i've got to deal with your BS. Honestly, the game should record your voice chat and send it to your mother. I bet you wouldn't ask her to s*** your g******* d**** and f**** on your c******.

Wouldn't you want to fly? To be a majestic eagle on the wind, with the freedom to go wherever, whenever, to swoop down to a lake and catch a fresh fish for dinner? To soar to new-OH. You're dead. Yeah, some rich jackass just shot you and is going to see what Kentucky Fried Eagle tastes like. Well, that wasn't so great, but that doesn't happen to every eagle, right? Sure, let's try again, you're flying through the air, but WHOOSH-you get sucked into a plane propeller and sliced to bits. But that's a freak accident right? Sure. Let's say you avoid those manmade accidents. You live for a wonderful 20 years. You're a strong, healthy head of your bird troop or whatever, but OOPS you just got bit by a snake. That's life. It's fast and cruel.

The problem with some songs is that they're too good. They find their way into your head and they wriggle around in there until it drives you insane. And listening to it does nothing but perpetuate the cycle! And it makes all other music sound like children's lullabies. How dare you make music this good? What gives you the right to mess with my brain like that?

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 181 - Mandatory

Coming to NBC this fall, The New Normal, from the creators of the legendary Life. In this futuristic sitcom, we follow John Everyman in a post-apocalyptic New York City. After a virus wipes out a large percentage of humanity, John must go from eating from cans and virtual conference calls to having to put pants on again! And if that wasn't enough, his ex, Sarah, is back in town having recovered from the terrible flesh-eating virus! When they get back together it seems John has some issues with her new look! Catch it this fall with these other great shows:

* Stickers
* Voter ID
* The Elder Scrolls VI
* Zoom

Stickers are good for one thing: making clean things dirty. I know, I know I'm in the minority, but that means you have to listen to me. I see stickers slathered on laptops and music gear all the time, and you know what, it makes me think less of that person. A single sticker meticulously placed at the center, or to hide a blemish? Perfectly A-OK. So many that you can't see the original color? BOO. It reminds me of the hallway of dingy venues that lead to the bathrooms, but without the scent of beer and piss and the packed-like-sardines groping going on.

Requiring any of a plethora of acceptable forms of identification when you vote seems reasonable. You can't buy liquor or Mortal Kombat without it, so why should voting be held to a lesser standard? Well if you're a white liberal, then voter ID is unlawful and racist, but when it comes to literally anything else, TAG ME DADDY GOVERNMENT. MAKE ME HOLD UP A SIGN SAYING I'M A FILTHY VAXXER, DADDY. WRITE IT ON ME, DADDY. LET'S TELL THE WHOLE WORLD I'M YOUR LITTLE CORONA SLAVE.

Skyrim? That shit's old. It came out like more than twenty years ago. I'm pre-ordering that hot new game TES6. It comes out on the PS6 next year, even my dad is excited, he said he was "hype AF". What a coronahead. While I'm here, let me get Street Fighter 7, Call of Duty Black Ops 9, and the new Destiny 2 expansion. Anyways, I heard that the NPCs in TES6 are *so* advanced that they've got like 50 different arrow in the knee stories.

Google Hangouts, Microsoft Teams, Zoom, whatever you use, it's creeped up into so many more people's lives. It's taking over everything, from live TV, to education. I honestly think we'll see Zoom Movies by next year. And you know what? It'll look LIKE GARBAGE. Jesus christ, send these people some decent hardware! YOU'RE BEING OUTDONE BY TWITCH STREAMERS. IT'S A NECESSITY FOR THEM. SIMPS NEED THEIR MOMMY JOI ROLEPLAY ASMR IN 4K 60FPS.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 180 - Sdrawkcab

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

What's the difference between 11 and 12? Nothing. The 11th could be a random boring workday Wednesday in September, or it could be a the best day of your life in February. As people we assign meaning to these numbers because of what happens on the day, not the numbers themselves, so I've got real trouble pretending to care about the 22nd of January when one year it was a blizzard and the another year your kid was born. Your kid's nice and all but I almost froze to death on that same date.

A lot of people hoard. Whether it's prepping or hobbies, most people have 1 or 2 things they really like and have trouble parting with. And that's fine. Every now and then you have to prune some of your collection to make room for more and that's healthy. What's not healthy is refusing to do that, so essentials start falling by the wayside and before you know it, you've got New Jersey's best indoor sewer system rotting your floorboards and there's a psychologist and your kids trying to get you to throw away things you might have some use for some day.

The new normal, hiding your mouth and nose area, aka the mask. Masks are cool though, right? Bane? Sub-zero? Jim Carrey's The Mask? Jason Vorhees and Micheal Myers? There are probably hundreds of iconic masks once you add superheroes and villains to the list. But what do we get? Some sleek future ventilated protection? No, we wound up breathing through leftover old t-shirts. What's even worse is that you haven't worn a mask since you were 8 and had a plastic Ninja Turtle face covering your own on Halloween night, and guess what? You forgot that actually wearing a mask blows.

Guess what nerds? Your cinematic masterpieces aren't any different than your childhood cartoons made to make you beg your mom for that shiny new Transmetal Fuzor. They just throw a lot more money at them these days. So if you think that Zack Snyder's Director's Cut of Justice League would've been a completely different affair and actually good. You're forgetting 2 things. One: you want a Director's Cut of a 2 hour toy commercial. And Two: Zack Snyder is why people walk around in Iron Man and Captain America t-shirts these days instead of Superman and Batman symbols. Also, i'm still upset that I never got that Transmetal Fuzor I wanted. IT'S SILVERBOLT MOM! HE'S A WOLF AND AN EAGLE! HE'S A WOLFEAGLE THAT SHOOTS MISSILES, MOM! IT'S THE COOLEST THING POSSIBLE.

* To-the-day Anniversaries
* Hoarders
* Masks
* Release the Snyder Cut

Suh dudes? Welcome back to H-Widgie the sickest 'cast this side of Petaluma! The only 'cast to take on life's total bummers but also, like, life's totally gnarly grinds. This week we cover T-Dog's attempts at perfecting his Air Japan 180°, The MadMan's run-in with some mondo-garbo scuzz-fuzz, and Leafy Todd's new blend called Skittle Sherbert Surprise. We also review the new decks from Vert, and some trucks from Kronx! And as always here's this weeks most slammin' tricks:

Episode 179 - Kraft Tuna Melt

Quarantine log day, forgotten, we’re on full blown coronatime. I haven’t showered in 4 days. I no longer own any pants. Food supplies are running low, fortunately the cat food is pretty tasty with a caprisun chaser. I have seen everything offered on Netflix, and can now confidently say, it’s all garbage. There were a few good new documentaries talking about,

- Live Services
- Modelers
- Stopping the Bleach Drinkers
- Amazon

Long ago games were a one time purchase. You got your cartridge and you popped it in and that was it. Then a new age dawned and games started happening online. You could play with friends around the globe, but they couldn’t charge more for the game to keep the servers running, and DLC only went so far, and games as a service were born. Some games handled the transition really well, and some games were shoveled out messes that after just over a year have completely died. Nobody cares though, because if people were playing it wouldn’t be a dead service.

Models are cool, I have a massive jealousy for guys that have the patience and steady hands to take something they love and make a smaller version of it. Cars, Planes, Boats, Trains, even whole towns are made in model form. I would love to have a small fleet of in scale Enterprises from Star Trek to put on a shelf. Then there is the dark side of modeling, and like all the world’s evils it comes from Math. These guys are the types who make up numbers out of their asses for decades for the chance to get interviewed on CNN and sell their new book. The big difference, is while good modelers base their work on real world tangible examples, bad modelers base their work on ego.

Kung Flu was a gift to us, it was a chance to eliminate the number one ill in the universe, Old People. Too many grandma simps stood up and the boomer remover was stalled. The universe has its way of balancing out and it gave us a new chance. Now we have a chance, to eliminate all of the dumb people. We constantly as a society complain about the stupid people around us and how the world would be a better place without them. AND WE DIDN’T TAKE IT! Is this the world you want? Really? We are saving bleach drinkers now? Next thing they’ll be protesting erasing all debt as a one time amnesty, you morons.

Amazon is the single largest online shopping company on the planet. They literally have lockers installed in apartment buildings for deliveries, because they deliver as much stuff if not more than the regular post office. In these trying times, they are too busy patting themselves on the backs for doing nothing to put your stuff in a box and send it to you the way literally everything else on earth works. This could’ve been your big break, literally destroying all other companies, but instead you drank bleach.

All that plus who did Tim steal an issue from last week? voicemails and food news. Be sure to join in the discussion on DISCORD, support the show at PATREON, NEW PROJECT 2, or go BUY A SHIRT! Thanks for listening!

Episode 178 - Spare Parts

Welcome back to Here’s What I Want to Reopen, the most popular podcast about reopening things! Number one this week is………. this bag of Doritos! A lovely spicy nacho flavor, orange dust all over your fingers, what’s not to love about this bag of Doritos? Second on our list………… the investigation into D.B. Cooper! Don’t you want to know what really happened to him? Who was he? Did he actually fight Bigfoot? Was he Bigfoot all along? We need to know the answers, sheeple! And Rounding out our top three it’s………… the local Chuck E. Cheese! Where else can you play skee-ball or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles In Time right next to someone playing The Simpsons arcade game while also chowing down on a Slice (because they can’t legally call it pizza)? Anyways, here’s the rest of this week’s top reopens:

* Waffle Fries
* When RTFM Fails
* Valorant Anti-cheat
* Let's Not Be Too Hasty

Oh waffle fry, how I loathe you. The lowest tier of frenched fry. Below the crinkle-cut, below the shoestring, below even those weird smiley face round things. Why do you exist? You’re the size of a chip, but have 100% less crunch and flavor! You’re full of holes, so I get 40% less potato than I want. You know, I’d rather eat packing peanuts than a waffle fry, because at least then I’m not disappointed that I’m not eating some other type of packing material.

Manuals used to be books. Big ol’ thick honkers of texts with lovely diagrams and troubleshooting sections. Today? You’re lucky to even get one. More than likely you’ll get a slip of paper that says “For Instructions and Troubleshooting, please visit us at http://wedontlikemauals.net”. And even if you do get a manual, it’s likely been outsourced to either a Chinese company and been terribly translated, or it’s been pawned off to another customer for 50 bucks and just looks like a bad print out of an even worse Powerpoint presentation.

Cheaters gonna cheat. If someone wants to break the rules, they will find a way, no matter what is in the way. So for a game developer to say “our game is the best because it prevents any sort of cheating oh and by the way, it’s quite invasive to the customer’s PC”, that’s just going to give the cheaters MORE FUEL. And it’ll give the worst of them a reason to use your invasive strategy to hurt your other customers. Just wait a few months I guarantee either they re-do the system to be like EVERY OTHER ONE, or there’ll be a hack rendering the game unsafe to players.

Apparently the “off” switch is just a standard lightbulb switch in a publicly-accessible room. The “on” switch can only be accessed by those with Level 75 or higher security clearance, who also have a Platinum III or better ranking in the current season of Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Siege, and have at least a Level 18 character in a currently running weekly Dungeons and Dragons 5e game, who must then cross a lake of lava on a rickety rope bridge. They must then answer a puzzle given by two trolls guarding a door that leads to the switch room full of hundreds of switches, and must know the current hour’s 3 correct switches and then insert the correct individual keys into those three switches and turn all three at the same time.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 177 - Junk in the Trunk ft. Tony from Hack the Movies

Just another regular day here at the HWIDG offices. Tab is shambling around with a bottle of Jameson in each hand, Tim is meticulously counting number of tiles on the floor, and Todd is cooking up a nice squirrel and possum stew. Oh, and Tony from Hack The Movies came by to drop off three pallets of Speed 2 Blu-Rays. So join us in our locked-up stupor as we yell about:

* Neo-Hygenists
* Where's Antifa?
* TV Show Movies

Apparently no one cleaned anything before the 'rona hit. You'd never seen a cleaning supply aisle so spotless before. People are grabbing Swiffers and wipes and mops and sponges like they're this year's hottest Christmas toys. You know, they've actually got a lot in common. These COVID emergency cleaning supplies will be used once then forgotten about and shoved into a closet for 10 years, then either thrown away or given to charity.

When the news starts using words like 'draconian' to label what our current situation is like, you know it's bad. But where's those neo-anarchist antifa warriors when the actual fascism starts coming? Seemingly inside, following rules like good little Christian boys and girls. Huh. Sounds like maybe they were only against fascism when no real problems were around.

Hey, it's summer break and your favorite TV show has ended its fifth season. Now what will you do for the 5 months it's off-air? I know! You'll go see the movie! A big ol' blockbuster special 2 hour extravaganza of way too much action and a lackluster villain that will never be mentioned in canon again! Or it's an hour and a half of pure comedic genius that is used to 25 minutes at a time, so 2/3rd of the jokes fall flat! Sounds like great time and money spent!

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on  DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT! Also, Syphon Filter sucks. Find out for yourself on this week's episode of Syphon Filter and Friends featuring Tab! 

Episode 176 - Mammonaut

Hello there. Sergeant Jones reporting here. We recently carried out a raid on an illegally operating business during this quarantine. Two men were found and turned over to the CIA for disposal err I mean questioning. These men were conducting illegal broadcasts denouncing our supreme leader and other highly respected members of the government. We have hijacked their signal and broadcasted this dummy episode as bait. We've backtraced all of your IPs, and you too, their loyal listeners, will be fully investigated and punished by the law. We're coming for you weasels.

* Karens
* Data Caps
* Crazy Coincidences
* Heroes

Is K*ren a slur? Absolutely noHEY WAIT A MINUTE. K*ren. K*ren. K*REN. What the hell is going on? My computer won't let my type K*ren. Let me just check the news here, oh god, they did it. All the ignorant-ass K*rens actually talked to the manager of this godforsaken place and yelled at them. Just like a K*ren to think that once they get insulted they must defeat the source of it. Well guess what middle-aged WASPS with bad haircuts, I'm gonna go through all the names until you have to start turning your pale-ass offspring into Davidina or Johnya, okay Sharon?

Data Caps are like the tooth fairy, an imaginary way for adults to waste their money. They're also like Bitcoin. Everyone's heard of it, but no one knows why it exists or how it works. So, during a big ol quarantine we have no data caps, even though traffic is at its highest, but you're going to throttle me for torrenting a terrabyte of Phish live shows in FLAC at 4 in the morning when the lowest amount of people are on? Blow me. And when we go back, will we still have no data caps? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Time. The universe. Chaos vs. order. Ever seen in to the fourth dimension? Open your third eye SHEEPLE. The nebulas are burning and we're responsible for our ancestor's sins. The galaxy is radiating with bio-electric feedback. We are at a crossroads of transformation and turbulence. Reality has always been radiating with dream-weavers whose essences are baptized in self-actualization. The nexus is approaching a tipping point in which humanity's superstructures will crumble under the weight of quantum waveform frequencies.

Superman. Batman. Spider-man. Iron Man. The Hulk, even, those are heroes. Eugene the high school dropout that includes dimebags with ever order of chicken nuggets is not a hero. He's a capitalist slave. He can't afford to quit his job, and even though there's a superflu floating around outside his job won't let him not interact with people, or he'll get fired. You want Eugene to be a hero? Wait until he quits his job and gets hit by a falling alien meteor, gains the ability to fly, super strength, and laser vision, and flies around giving everyone free weed. Now that's a hero.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget  to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by  BUYING A SHIRT! 

Episode 175 - Lizard People

Quarantine Day 962: Being King of New Canada is not all lollipops and poutine, contrary what you may have heard. The serfs are never happy with what I graciously give them. Other lands could never afford to pay their peoples such a large sum of 1,200 caps. Frequent assassination attempts mean I must be on watch at all times. I must even have my most trusted assistants test my food and drink. Despite all this, I have brought my glorious nation from the brink of destruction to one of the top powers in this wasteland. People come from all around just for a taste of what stands for cutting-edge technology and freedom on this planet now known as Apocalyptia. Til the morrow, King Handlebreaker out.

* Secret Hitler
* No Contact Delivery
* $1,200
* The Re-acquaintancing Period

Shhhhhhh. They're all around us. They could be anyone. They could be your neighbor, sweet Miss Clementine. Or your co-worker Bill. Maybe even your own PARENTS. They're all around us, secretly plotting our demise, and attempting to take over our country bit by bit. Only recently have scientists found a way to identify who these Secret Hitlers are, but this information was suppressed by their evil ways. Well, I'm here with that information. One neat trick that secret fascists hate. How do you discover who they are? It's actually quite easy. All I need is your credit card number, the three digits on the back, and the expiration month and year.

Do you really want acne-ridden Eugene the dope-fiend handling your food, driving it to your place then doing the "delivery dance" of passing a receipt and pen, signing it, giving it back, then handing you your pizza minus the wings he munched on on the way there? Or would you rather have Star Trek technology simply beam your Meatlover's with extra cheese right to you? That's what I thought. Humans are filthy, hence our current situation, which funnily enough has now taken us one step closer to our Star Trek future.

The CARES act is for the people. Because congress "cares" about you, the individual. That's why the entirety of the bailout goes right to the people! Wait, what? It doesn't? Well, then who exactly do they "care" for? Ohhhhhh. Themselves. And big businesses with lobbyists that pay them off. Huh. Why do they need emergency money? Shouldn't they have emergency funds in case something bad like a quarantine happens? Well, that seems like poor planning on their half to be honest. Why should the government give them free money for bad budget planning?

It's like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it, or the sensation of wind whipping through your hair on a bright summer day. What you do forget is that the seat kinda hurts your ass and it's not really ergonomic, and getting started again is real awkward, and people on the street don't like you, and your brakes aren't the best, and the chain can rip up your legs, and god forbid you fall off, you've got absolutely no protection because the safety gear there is makes you look like a real nerd, and jesus christ going uphill was a mistake, and a dozen other little things.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 174 - Closed on Sunday

Quarantine Day 236: Finally, I made it to Canada. The trek was arduous, and I had nothing to keep me warm in the cold Dakota wilds except for a light jacket and my HWIDG Uncle Buck Signature Hat. It will be tough adapting to life in this new place. It's so bright, even at night, it seems they still have some form of electricity. People look at me with curious glances. Their culture in the apocalypse seems almost unchanged from what I can recall about the old ways. I can see no signs of quarantining or raiders or even a Thunderdome equivalent. My pipe rifle still stands at watch at all times. Except for now. Because I'm writing. Handlebreaker out.

* Religious Interference
* Self-Isolation
* Plug-n-Play
* People That Can't Cook

Like a Paladin's righteous tower shield, many use religion to protect themselves from the evils of the world. Or from working when expected. Or from responsibility. Or almost anything they want. Ain't that a stinker? Just because you kept your childhood imaginary friend, you get a boatload of ways to dodge work or taxes. Look, I don't mind religion. You should be able to worship whichever version of the same morality tales you want. Just don't be a dick and use it to interfere with your non-religious business.

You can't force someone to self-isolate. That defeats the "self" part  of the term. "Self" involves choice by a person to do something on their own. You can't self-flagellate someone, that's just you whipping them. It's all about choice. If I want to hurt myself because i'm sad, that's called self-harm. If you want to hurt me because you're mad, that's called assault.

PLUG AND PLAY. IT'S 2020. YOUR THING HAS A UNIVERSAL STANDARD PORT. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PLUG IT IN AND HAVE IT DO WHAT THE SAME KIND OF THING LITERALLY NEXT TO IT IS DOING.

Some people can't cook, which means they're going to end up as apocalypse sex workers, selling their rumps and bumps for bags of soup and plates of tuna casserole. It's not hard people. If you can read, you can cook. Read the ingredient list, by at least that much of each thing, read the recipe, make sure you've got a working oven or saucepan or what not, and follow the instructions. Unless you are one of a truly inept kind that can make toast catch fire, anyone can do it!

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT! 

Episode 173 - Quarantined (ft. ASERiley)

Quarantine Day 6: The bunker still stands. Despite the constant raids and attacks by packs of rabid dogs, our stash of TP has been mostly untouched. Tab and I ran out of Todd meat yesterday, so I had to make the choice. It was either him or me. I set a trap with some new shiny Mustang parts, and he fell for it. I guess that means no more podcast anymore. So for one last time, here's what I don't get: having to eat your friends in the apocalypse. I'm sure you've all had to the same or worse in these terrible times. At least my government quarantine stipend came in today! Maybe I can trade it for some barbecue sauce for these ribs. Anyways, here's the last episode we recorded before Tab gracefully gave himself up for burger meat.

* IRL Lootboxes
* #coronaculture
* Thots

Millennials don't gamble? Give me a break, millennials have been gambling away their money on FIFA Ultimate Team packs and LootCrates since their inception. A randomly chosen box of nerd stuff just for me? Why yes I'll buy that blindbox! This indie developer wants to make the biggest and most realistic MMORPG ever with a fully fleshed-out dragon sex simulation mode? Why yes I'll give them 300 dollars for the tier that includes the game, beta access, and a handmade dragon scale condom!

How's everyone else doing under our government mandated curfews and martial law? Good? Well, I've become accustomed to the taste of canned "chili" already, and I've got spike pits conveniently placed outside the front door. My Bane impression has been perfected, and my dog now attacks on command. Once the air outside clears up, I'll go check out the thunderdome they retrofitted the event center into. Hopefully I can fight a midget riding a mentally handicapped giant like I've always wanted to.

You know back in the day, science fiction writers wrote about their visions of the future and the eventual problems we would face because of technology. Never did George Orwell think that when he wrote about his dystopian future where thoughts were the main form by which men were controlled, that he would be right. Kind of. Though to be honest, look up a picture of the dude. Doesn't he look like the kind that would throw a fit when he found out his favorite e-girl had a boyfriend?

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT! 

Episode 172 - Drag n' Drop

Welp, this is it folks. Our last transmission. The government has raised the Rage-o-meter to DEAFCON-1. Rage all across the world is at an all-time high, and there are no signs of it letting up. As Patient Zero, Tab has bravely decided to go into quarantine where his body will be submitted to dozens of rigorous tests and ultimately will be dissected and studied in hopes for a cure. We here at HWIDG wish him well and wish all our listeners a Merry End of the World.

* Apple
* Timewasters
* Days
* Silver Platter Dystopia

It just works. Except that it really doesn't. A MacBook is not a laptop, it's a MacBook. An iPad isn't a tablet, it's an iPad. iPhones, same thing. Apple doesn't care about standards. The only reason they bother to keep USB ports is because lightning/thunderbolt never caught on. If it was entirely up to them, they'd be introducing wacky triangle ports and 15 prong power jacks.

Time is money, folks. Everyone's time is worth a certain amount. It's why celebrities can charge $250 for a photo and an autograph. So when someone goes out of their way to purposefully or ignorantly waste my time. I need them to pay up. We need to start billing folks for wastes of time. Invoices galore.  Here's a list of today's holidays: Debunking Day, Dream Day, Johnny Appleseed Day, National Promposal Day, No Smoking Day (UK), Oatmeal Nut Waffles Day, Registered Dietician Nutritionist Day, World Plumbing Day, Worship of Tools Day, and World Day of Muslim Culture, Peace, Dialogue, and Film. I hope you've got all your loved ones the proper gifts for each one.

If you thought your local tornado/flooding/snowstorm hysteria was crazy? What happens with a new global disease? It's Children of Men/The Road/Mad Max up in here already. In fact, we've started welding spikes onto Tab's Mustang's wheels, and we're nailing armor plates to it as we speak. Everyone remember to crowdfund the new version of our emotion implants, mine's been off recently, letting me be too happy.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on  DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT! 

Episode 171 - Hello How Are You Today

Everyone's sick. We've all got a bit of the coronavirus in us already, and now we're just waiting for the alien eggs to hatch from our stomachs. That's right folks, in my 4 AM congestion-fever haze I discovered that COVID-19 is actually alien babies that want our warm bodies as incubators for their furtive young. Also, Jim Henson was assassinated by the CIA, Hilary Clinton's lizard baby grew up to be Katy Perry, and Tupac and Elvis were the SAME GUY. Row row row your boat gently down the stream oops I activated a Russian asset in Minnesota and now we moved in together and have a pet komodo dragon.

* ASMR
* Closing Pandora's Box
* Not Expecting Failure
* Burying OC

I don't get ASMR. If you want someone to whisper in your ear, the Ying Yang Twins already did it 15 years ago. And they were so polite about it. I guess some guys just have a need to spend money on a virtual girlfriend that they share with 15,000 other dudes. It's like The Bachelorette, but she's married and isn't going to touch any of the dudes, but they keep giving her flowers and presents. But keep in mind, none of this is sexual. Except for the sexy girl pretending to be your girlfriend. And the guys yanking it to her. Not sexual.

Once something is on the internet, it's there forever. There are literally weirdos that catalogue and archive all content they find on mountains of hard drives. Petabytes upon petabytes of content that will one day be like gold bars after the apocalypse. You'll be eating your canned franks and beans when you suddenly get a hankering for some old hilarious viral video. With the internet having been destroyed 10 years ago, you're out of luck, unless you can scrounge up enough bottle caps to pay for an hour with one of King Tyler's precious HDDs.

 Everyone is constantly disappointed. Why? Because they expect too much. Lower them expectations, people. If you expect most people to be complete j-holes, screw ups, and generally failures at life, well when someone comes around and they're a decent person they've completely surpassed your expectations! This goes for people, media, and pretty much everything in life. It's like in Iron Man, when Tony Stark returns from weeks of captivity eating nothing but bland gruel, that flame-broiled Burger King Whopper tastes like heaven. Be Tony Stark.

Speaking of the internet. Once you put something out there, you no longer own it. It's the classic meme: "You made this?" "I made this."  Throw out some great art, dozens of people steal it and put it on a shirt. Some rapper from Azerbaijan makes it his album art. Your twitter post of it has 120 retweets, and CYBER ART 20XX posts it, doesn't credit you, and gets 544K retweets, with dozens of comments asking where they can buy a print of it. But you're an asshole for asking them to just mention you.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on  DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT! 

Episode 170 - Air Hockey Shark

1973. A failing radio show on KHWIDG. Co-host The Big Breaker found murdered in the studio. Only one man can solve his murder and simultaneously get the show back into the big time: The Machine. He stalks the bars looking for answers and chumps. He challenges the scummy gangsters to a game of life or death: air hockey. One puck. Two paddles. A high-stakes game where one wrong move can send you to the brink of the edge. The Machine will make his way to the top one way or another. For his friend, for his job, but mostly just because he can. He is... The Air Hockey Shark. Starring:

* Quick Turn Arounds
* Celebrity By Association
* Geriatric Complaints
* Well Done

Don't you love it when you're watching a movie and we're following a cop who sees the bad guy speed by on the other side of the road, so he has to squeal his tires and pull a u-turn to join the chase? Is that not what we're talking about? Oh. Well, that's the cool version of a quick turn around I guess. In real life it's more a lack of sleep/a need to take uppers because your higher-ups see you as a just another cog in the wheel. Either way someone's going to end up with a bad case of whiplash.

The concept of celebrity is already annoying. So when the paparazzi-tabloid-journalism-Entertainment-Weekly-opiate-for-the-mindless people start including celebrities' family and friends in with them, it means they themselves know they are creatively bankrupt and they don't care. Can we call them vultures now? Buzzards? Flesh-eating parasites? There we go. TMZ: Your one-stop shop for Celebrity news and gossip fueled by our crack squad of flesh-eating parasites.

There comes a time where your opinion doesn't matter anymore. You've lived a full life, please stop. Go home, turn the heater on despite it being Summer, and go watch your Matlock marathon. You had your time already. Did you waste it? Not our fault. Just accept that you don't understand the socio-political changes going on and TAKE A NAP. The future is now, old people.

Well done. If you order your steak this way, just go ahead and have Ed the fry cook pre-chew it for you, because that's not much worse. Only the degenerates of society will order a well done steak, and only the culinarily challenged will waste their money by cooking a steak well done. I hereby invent a new steak doneness grading system. Blue is now called "tartare", rare is now "Barbarian-style", medium rare is now "correct", medium is "chewy", and well done is punishable with 5-10 years in federal prison.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 169 - Type 2 Jediabeetus

Welcome to another episode of Here’s What I Don’t Get About Sonic, the only formerly non-hedgehog-related podcast to tackle all of the issues of the Blue Blur’s universe. On this week’s episode, we discuss Sonic’s recipe for chili dogs and finally tackle the big issue: Who’s the sexiest ancillary Sonic character? So join us as we go fast and collect just enough rings to stay alive until the boss fight, Todd in his Floating MegaVape Pod.

* Sneaky Political Ads
* Robert's Rules of Order
* DC's 5G
* Conflating SciFi and Fantasy

Imagine you’re sitting at home. You’ve cooked up a nice steak dinner, You’re sitting down, and you throw on the finale to Netflix’s hottest new show. You’re watching intently as the serial killer stalks a detective through a dingy warehouse. "This is great" you think to yourself, as the tension ramps up. Then, the serial killer steps on a rusty nail and yells out in pain! The camera moves in on his face, and he says: “Man, that smarts. Too bad I can’t afford an expensive private health insurance plan.” Whip-pan over to the detective and say “But if you vote for Roberts in 2024, everyone will get free healthcare!” THIS NETFLIX SERIES WAS PAID FOR BY THE COMMITTEE TO ELECT JOHN ROBERTS.

If unions have to follow Robert’s Rules of Order as written, they’re not worth it. Tim almost blew his brains out this episode just based on Tab’s retelling of his 4 hour long union meeting. Like many ancient laws they need to be rewritten, simplified, and updated with modern language. Who the hell says “aye” anymore outside of voting? I submit we change “aye” and “nay” and upgrade them to “Fo’shizzle” and “Bitch Are You For Real?!”.

Everyone loves a reboot. Except that we don’t. They think we do because everyone tunes in to see exactly how they’re gonna screw it up which leads to big sales which must mean it’s great! Sales slump? Reboot it again! Gender-swapped, race-swapped reboot time! Oh did that fail? Huh. People must really be missing these old characters, well let’s REBOOT IT AGAIN BUT THEY’RE ALL YOUNG! HOW ABOUT THAT? REBOOTS FOR EVERYONE!

Science fiction and fantasy are two separate things. Unfortunately because they are both seen as “geeky” they get thrown in with one another. I say this has been going on for too long! They should be separate! But equal. Sci-fi should have it’s own part of town, and then fantasy can live on the other side. Without as many resources. Do you think sc-ifi wants to drink the same water as fantasy? No! We keep them separate. But equal!

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 168 - Directed by Fred Durst

Glamour! Glitz! The taste of Tinseltown is in the air, so roll out the red carpet for this star-studded episode of Here's What I Don't Get! All your favorite celebrities are here: Tab, occasionally Tim, and Not Todd! But now, it's time for the ceremonies. Let's start with the most important award, Best Issue. This week there have been dozens of great issues, but the four best are nominated tonight. Here are the nominees for Best Issue:

* Movie Budget Inflation
* Oscars over Razzies
* Feeding the Monster
* No Tours

Big budgets means big flops. Crazy how some Hollywood studios haven’t learned this yet. It’s like gambling. If you go into the casino a couple times a year with a couple thousand to spend each time, sure you’ll hit that jackpot eventually, but odds are that it equates to the debt you know have from all the previous attempts. But, if you go in there with a couple of bucks, write off those losses as tax deductible, find the game you’re good at and ride that out to a couple hundred million, no one bats an eye if you come in next time with a bit more money to spend.

If there’s so many ‘problems’ with the Oscars how come all these people still spend 4 hours watching it? In this day and age of online cynicism and dunking on bad takes, how come The Razzies aren’t bigger than The Oscars? You get to take a poop on bad movies and it’s all in good fun, plenty of humble celebrities have even shown up in person to accept their terrible statues. They’re got no biases except against Hollywood itself. You can be white, gay, black, trans, or all of the above and if you make a bad movie you’re still going down.

Look, the master eats everyone eventually. Some people get absolutely mangled. Just torn to shreds. Having to live their life in secrecy, nary to be heard from again. That’s because that person fed the monster each time they could. More and more. And when the monster finally saw the person face-to-face, and that had nothing to give? Well, that was it. But the ones who get out with just a scratch, and keep on going. Well, the monster expected nothing from them, so it didn’t take anything. Or they were rich enough to pay it off.

What is wrong with venue promoters in Oklahoma that we can’t get decent music acts to stop here but once every four or five tours? We’re no Chicago or NYC I understand, but when there’s towns with populations of 15,000 on a 50-stop megaton I’ve really go to stop and wonder. We’ve upended a large part of our downtown and made it the new hotspot just for this reason! But they’ve got to basically give Pitbull tickets out for free because no one WANTS TO HEAR HIS PART OF EVERY POP SONG HE POPS UP ON.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 167 - Going Viral

Welcome to another freezing episode of HWIDG. We’re snowed in now, schools are all closed, roads are icy, and noses are rosy. The weatherman said the blizzard dropped 46 inches of snow over our heads, a new record! Wait, what? He said four to six inches? And we didn’t even get that? Great, what am I going to do with all these bread and milk sandwiches, then?! I guess I can scarf them down while listening to a couple of jerks whine about:

* Playing "What's this Commercial For?"
* Iowa Caucuses
* Download Limits
* Virus Fearmongering

EXT. WIDE. ALL-AMERICAN SUBURBAN HOUSE. A white picket fence and a golden Labrador stand guard against any outside intruders while FATHER and JENNY build a swings on the well-manicured front lawn. MOTHER swings open the cherry-red front door with glasses of freshly-squeezed lemonade and sandwiches for everyone. PUSH IN as the clouds suddenly darken and the skies turn grey. A sudden downpour has ruined their fun. FATHER scrambles to cover everything with a tarp, but can barely stand due to the gale-force winds. CLOSE on Jenny as she has an idea. She grabs one of MOTHER’S sandwiches. Tuna salad with a pink-hued sauce. She takes a bite, and her head turns red then explodes into a bloody pulp. MOTHER and FATHER scream in agony and terror. FADE OUT. LOGO. (V.O.) “New from Hellman’s. Ghost Pepper Mayo. Be Bold.”

You’d think we’d have come up with a better way to count votes than standing in taped-out floor squares and yelling at each other why “my guy” is more socialist than yours, or loves America more. It doesn’t take much, hell runners have the photo finish now. It’s been expanded upon as technology has improved and now we have ultra high speed cameras to make exactly sure what the outcome is. It’s not just a volunteer dude staring at the finish line, shoving the other team’s guy for the best vantage point. Oh, but you say, there was an app this time. Yeah, well how did that work out?

Can you imagine paying your water bill, then getting it turned off 3/4 of the way through the month because you used “too much” of it? Not during a drought, or war time, in fact water has never been more plentiful in this occasion. Or you go to a fast food joint and they say hey, we have free drinks today. You say awesome, grab a cup and fill it with your favorite beverage. Then halfway through an employee karate chops you in the throat mid-gulp and yells at you for having too much of the free soda.

You’re dead. Snow’s coming, guy all the perishable goods or you’ll die. Heat wave’s coming, stay under a fan or you’re dead. Murders are up 12% compared to this time last year, you’re dead. Flu season’s coming up, get your shot or you’re dead. CORONA VIRUS ALERT. THE CORONA VIRUS WILL KILL YOU AND REANIMATE YOU AS A ZOMBIE FORCING A LOVED ONE TO TEARFULLY KILL YOU AGAIN. WE REPEAT THE CORONA VIRUS CAN KILL YOU TWICE. Now back to Cheryl with today’s big Saver’s Tip, Cheryl? Cheryl? Oh god, NO. I’m so sorry Cheryl, but the CORONAVIRUS IS MAKING ME DO THIS.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 166 - Sex Million Pounds of Torque

Hey there, this week HWIDG's coming to you live from our bunker 2 miles under the earth. As soon as the news of the coronavirus hit, we moved to our secret bunker operation, and no there's not room for anyone else, so have fun in Fallout! As your skin sloughs off up there, we're down here feasting on 50 lb. prepper meal buckets. Mmmmmmm, rehydrated Beef Product Enchiladas. Anyways, if your ears haven't filled up with blood and pus yet, stay around and listen to us bicker about:

* Finally Getting Something Ruined
* People Who Don't Understand Analogies
* "Too Soon"
* Other Mustang Guys

There comes a time in everyone's life when one of their beloved objects is ruined for the first time. Maybe they redesign your favorite car and now it's ugly. Maybe they reboot your favorite cartoon as a kid into a grimdark, sex-fueled, dystopian nightmare. Or perhaps your favorite movie is done yet again but with 500% more CG and as a 10-part TV miniseries. Or, they can take a franchise that you've just recently discovered and rip out all that makes it special among its peers and turn it into a generic sci-fi action series. Alex Kurtzman, I hope you contract this new coronavirus and the hospital TV only plays TNG repeats so maybe you learn something. And you do. You see the error of your ways, your body shakes off the terrible threat, you get released, and then I stab you in the throat with a bat'leth.

Analogies are like cars. Most people that have them use them everyday, and understand how they work. They use them correctly, and with proper care. Then there's everyone else. Stupid people, mostly. They were taught how to drive, yet it went in one ear and out the other, and they survive on pure instinct. The kind of people that have hundreds of tickets, are constantly in accidents, and yet somehow their insurance says, yup, you're a great driver.

When is it "too" soon? Probably in the room as the person’s dying. Once that heart stops beating? They’re game. Everyone dies. Everyone goes through other people’s deaths. And guess what? Laughter is the best medicine for grief. It gets you over that hump quicker. We should amend “too soon” to be “not funny enough”, because we’ve all laughed at a joke that was told “too soon” but laughed anyways because the joke was funny enough.

Mustang drivers, they’re tightly-wound, rage-filled, speeding maniacs who are looking to take any and everyone out with themselves on the road. They tinker over every little part of their “baby”, they give it a dumb name, and we all know they’re compensating for their own small “hemi”. They measure themselves against their brethren constantly, gauging V6 vs V8, GT vs Shelby vs. Cobra vs. Anaconda vs. Not-being-a-douche. It may seem like we’re grouping a lot of different people together just because of the car they drive, and you’d be right.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Episode 165 - 99 Trolley Problems

Well, as we wade knee-deep into winter, HWIDG is here to keep you warm. Come in from the cold. Put this blanket around your shoulders and cup this mug of cocoa near the fire. Don’t mind me, a handsome Scottish man that seduced you recently deceased grandmother, and don’t pay attention to the green-lightning storm outside, everything will be fine as long as you’re here with me. Now, let us become one as you let yourself forget about:

* Updates for Outdated Tech
* Trolley Question
* Rules for Thee But Not for Me
* Exclusives

NOTIFICATION: NEW ANDROID UPDATE AVAILABLE. REQUIRES 46.7GB OF INTERNAL SPACE. YOU ONLY HAVE 0.07GB OF FREE SPACE WOULD YOU LIKE TO DELETE SOME FILES TO MAKE ROOM FOR THIS UPDATE? WHAT? OH. I’M SORRY, THIS APPEARS TO BE A 1989 SONY WALKMAN, NOT A MODERN SMART PHONE.

Quick! Everyone and everything you love is on one side of a trolley track. The other side is filled with people you hate, and self-confessed children molesters. WHICH WAY DO YOU MAKE THE TROLLEY GO?! OH IT’S SO HARD TO CHOOSE! HUMAN LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS, I COULDN’T POSSIBLY CHOOSE THE SELFISH CHOICE. Bam! Philosophy! Take that, Socrates.

With my slight modicum of power I now stand over many a helpless serf and have no choice in the matter but to define the following terms of law: I, YOUR MIGHTY KING AM TO BE PAID ONLY IN THE FINEST PLATINUM PHALLUSES. ALL OTHER SERFS ARE TO BE PAID IN THE STANDARD STEEL BEAMS TO BE MELTED DOWN INTO CURRENCY YOURSELF! I, THE KING MAY DRINKETH OF ALL MY WINE WHIL I HOLD COURT, BUT THE SERFS SHALL NOT DRINK LEST FOR THE HOURS OF 4:12 to 4:13 AM, AND ONLY THEN MAY THEY DRINK THE HIDEOUS CONOCTION KNOWN AS THE BUD LIGHT CLAMATO MICHELADA.

Guess what, I paid for this 400 dollar box, and I get to shoot these alien/demon/zombies that you don’t! Y-yeah? Well I bought the *other* 400 dollar box and I can race cars SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU CAN! OH YEAH? WELL, FOR THE LOW PRICE OF SEVENTY DOLLARS A YEAR I CAN PLAY MY GAMES WITH OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD THAT ALSO HAVE THEIR BOXES CONNECTED TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? WELL, I CAN DO THAT TOO, BUT ALSO, I GET FREE GAMES FROM 2-3 YEARS AGO. SUCK IT.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Thumbnail by ImmortalThor