Episode 165 - 99 Trolley Problems — Here's What I Don't Get

Well, as we wade knee-deep into winter, HWIDG is here to keep you warm. Come in from the cold. Put this blanket around your shoulders and cup this mug of cocoa near the fire. Don’t mind me, a handsome Scottish man that seduced you recently deceased grandmother, and don’t pay attention to the green-lightning storm outside, everything will be fine as long as you’re here with me. Now, let us become one as you let yourself forget about:

* Updates for Outdated Tech
* Trolley Question
* Rules for Thee But Not for Me
* Exclusives

NOTIFICATION: NEW ANDROID UPDATE AVAILABLE. REQUIRES 46.7GB OF INTERNAL SPACE. YOU ONLY HAVE 0.07GB OF FREE SPACE WOULD YOU LIKE TO DELETE SOME FILES TO MAKE ROOM FOR THIS UPDATE? WHAT? OH. I’M SORRY, THIS APPEARS TO BE A 1989 SONY WALKMAN, NOT A MODERN SMART PHONE.

Quick! Everyone and everything you love is on one side of a trolley track. The other side is filled with people you hate, and self-confessed children molesters. WHICH WAY DO YOU MAKE THE TROLLEY GO?! OH IT’S SO HARD TO CHOOSE! HUMAN LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS, I COULDN’T POSSIBLY CHOOSE THE SELFISH CHOICE. Bam! Philosophy! Take that, Socrates.

With my slight modicum of power I now stand over many a helpless serf and have no choice in the matter but to define the following terms of law: I, YOUR MIGHTY KING AM TO BE PAID ONLY IN THE FINEST PLATINUM PHALLUSES. ALL OTHER SERFS ARE TO BE PAID IN THE STANDARD STEEL BEAMS TO BE MELTED DOWN INTO CURRENCY YOURSELF! I, THE KING MAY DRINKETH OF ALL MY WINE WHIL I HOLD COURT, BUT THE SERFS SHALL NOT DRINK LEST FOR THE HOURS OF 4:12 to 4:13 AM, AND ONLY THEN MAY THEY DRINK THE HIDEOUS CONOCTION KNOWN AS THE BUD LIGHT CLAMATO MICHELADA.

Guess what, I paid for this 400 dollar box, and I get to shoot these alien/demon/zombies that you don’t! Y-yeah? Well I bought the *other* 400 dollar box and I can race cars SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU CAN! OH YEAH? WELL, FOR THE LOW PRICE OF SEVENTY DOLLARS A YEAR I CAN PLAY MY GAMES WITH OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD THAT ALSO HAVE THEIR BOXES CONNECTED TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? WELL, I CAN DO THAT TOO, BUT ALSO, I GET FREE GAMES FROM 2-3 YEARS AGO. SUCK IT.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

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