Episode 170 - Air Hockey Shark — Here's What I Don't Get

1973. A failing radio show on KHWIDG. Co-host The Big Breaker found murdered in the studio. Only one man can solve his murder and simultaneously get the show back into the big time: The Machine. He stalks the bars looking for answers and chumps. He challenges the scummy gangsters to a game of life or death: air hockey. One puck. Two paddles. A high-stakes game where one wrong move can send you to the brink of the edge. The Machine will make his way to the top one way or another. For his friend, for his job, but mostly just because he can. He is... The Air Hockey Shark. Starring:

* Quick Turn Arounds
* Celebrity By Association
* Geriatric Complaints
* Well Done

Don't you love it when you're watching a movie and we're following a cop who sees the bad guy speed by on the other side of the road, so he has to squeal his tires and pull a u-turn to join the chase? Is that not what we're talking about? Oh. Well, that's the cool version of a quick turn around I guess. In real life it's more a lack of sleep/a need to take uppers because your higher-ups see you as a just another cog in the wheel. Either way someone's going to end up with a bad case of whiplash.

The concept of celebrity is already annoying. So when the paparazzi-tabloid-journalism-Entertainment-Weekly-opiate-for-the-mindless people start including celebrities' family and friends in with them, it means they themselves know they are creatively bankrupt and they don't care. Can we call them vultures now? Buzzards? Flesh-eating parasites? There we go. TMZ: Your one-stop shop for Celebrity news and gossip fueled by our crack squad of flesh-eating parasites.

There comes a time where your opinion doesn't matter anymore. You've lived a full life, please stop. Go home, turn the heater on despite it being Summer, and go watch your Matlock marathon. You had your time already. Did you waste it? Not our fault. Just accept that you don't understand the socio-political changes going on and TAKE A NAP. The future is now, old people.

Well done. If you order your steak this way, just go ahead and have Ed the fry cook pre-chew it for you, because that's not much worse. Only the degenerates of society will order a well done steak, and only the culinarily challenged will waste their money by cooking a steak well done. I hereby invent a new steak doneness grading system. Blue is now called "tartare", rare is now "Barbarian-style", medium rare is now "correct", medium is "chewy", and well done is punishable with 5-10 years in federal prison.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!