Episode 168 - Directed by Fred Durst — Here's What I Don't Get

Glamour! Glitz! The taste of Tinseltown is in the air, so roll out the red carpet for this star-studded episode of Here's What I Don't Get! All your favorite celebrities are here: Tab, occasionally Tim, and Not Todd! But now, it's time for the ceremonies. Let's start with the most important award, Best Issue. This week there have been dozens of great issues, but the four best are nominated tonight. Here are the nominees for Best Issue:

* Movie Budget Inflation
* Oscars over Razzies
* Feeding the Monster
* No Tours

Big budgets means big flops. Crazy how some Hollywood studios haven’t learned this yet. It’s like gambling. If you go into the casino a couple times a year with a couple thousand to spend each time, sure you’ll hit that jackpot eventually, but odds are that it equates to the debt you know have from all the previous attempts. But, if you go in there with a couple of bucks, write off those losses as tax deductible, find the game you’re good at and ride that out to a couple hundred million, no one bats an eye if you come in next time with a bit more money to spend.

If there’s so many ‘problems’ with the Oscars how come all these people still spend 4 hours watching it? In this day and age of online cynicism and dunking on bad takes, how come The Razzies aren’t bigger than The Oscars? You get to take a poop on bad movies and it’s all in good fun, plenty of humble celebrities have even shown up in person to accept their terrible statues. They’re got no biases except against Hollywood itself. You can be white, gay, black, trans, or all of the above and if you make a bad movie you’re still going down.

Look, the master eats everyone eventually. Some people get absolutely mangled. Just torn to shreds. Having to live their life in secrecy, nary to be heard from again. That’s because that person fed the monster each time they could. More and more. And when the monster finally saw the person face-to-face, and that had nothing to give? Well, that was it. But the ones who get out with just a scratch, and keep on going. Well, the monster expected nothing from them, so it didn’t take anything. Or they were rich enough to pay it off.

What is wrong with venue promoters in Oklahoma that we can’t get decent music acts to stop here but once every four or five tours? We’re no Chicago or NYC I understand, but when there’s towns with populations of 15,000 on a 50-stop megaton I’ve really go to stop and wonder. We’ve upended a large part of our downtown and made it the new hotspot just for this reason! But they’ve got to basically give Pitbull tickets out for free because no one WANTS TO HEAR HIS PART OF EVERY POP SONG HE POPS UP ON.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!