Episode 171 - Hello How Are You Today — Here's What I Don't Get

Everyone's sick. We've all got a bit of the coronavirus in us already, and now we're just waiting for the alien eggs to hatch from our stomachs. That's right folks, in my 4 AM congestion-fever haze I discovered that COVID-19 is actually alien babies that want our warm bodies as incubators for their furtive young. Also, Jim Henson was assassinated by the CIA, Hilary Clinton's lizard baby grew up to be Katy Perry, and Tupac and Elvis were the SAME GUY. Row row row your boat gently down the stream oops I activated a Russian asset in Minnesota and now we moved in together and have a pet komodo dragon.

* ASMR
* Closing Pandora's Box
* Not Expecting Failure
* Burying OC

I don't get ASMR. If you want someone to whisper in your ear, the Ying Yang Twins already did it 15 years ago. And they were so polite about it. I guess some guys just have a need to spend money on a virtual girlfriend that they share with 15,000 other dudes. It's like The Bachelorette, but she's married and isn't going to touch any of the dudes, but they keep giving her flowers and presents. But keep in mind, none of this is sexual. Except for the sexy girl pretending to be your girlfriend. And the guys yanking it to her. Not sexual.

Once something is on the internet, it's there forever. There are literally weirdos that catalogue and archive all content they find on mountains of hard drives. Petabytes upon petabytes of content that will one day be like gold bars after the apocalypse. You'll be eating your canned franks and beans when you suddenly get a hankering for some old hilarious viral video. With the internet having been destroyed 10 years ago, you're out of luck, unless you can scrounge up enough bottle caps to pay for an hour with one of King Tyler's precious HDDs.

Everyone is constantly disappointed. Why? Because they expect too much. Lower them expectations, people. If you expect most people to be complete j-holes, screw ups, and generally failures at life, well when someone comes around and they're a decent person they've completely surpassed your expectations! This goes for people, media, and pretty much everything in life. It's like in Iron Man, when Tony Stark returns from weeks of captivity eating nothing but bland gruel, that flame-broiled Burger King Whopper tastes like heaven. Be Tony Stark.

Speaking of the internet. Once you put something out there, you no longer own it. It's the classic meme: "You made this?" "I made this." Throw out some great art, dozens of people steal it and put it on a shirt. Some rapper from Azerbaijan makes it his album art. Your twitter post of it has 120 retweets, and CYBER ART 20XX posts it, doesn't credit you, and gets 544K retweets, with dozens of comments asking where they can buy a print of it. But you're an asshole for asking them to just mention you.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!