Bonus Episode 32 - Take Two

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Welcome back HWIDG supporters, and to the pirates, I hope someone bites off your privates. This month we're pulling a Scruff McGruff and taking a big ol' bite out of:

- E3
- Grilling
- 4K
- Charting the Journey

Every year we get new video games, and the best time to find out about it? E3. This year was pretty lame, but no doubt the ones in the future will be great and the ones in the past have been great too. It's a chance to get your first glimpse of the games of tomorrow, be it a new franchise, and old favorite, or what's best, some new hardware that will really show the pores of Keanu.

What's the sound of summer? That sizzle of meat cooking on good clean burning propane. What's not to love about grilling, there's fire, beer, meat. What more does civilization need? A grill is what separates a man from a boy, everyone remembers their first grill. Even if you're a degenerate charcoal user you're part of a rich history of cooking food with slightly controlled fire.

Happy times are here again we've got an even higher definition of video. 4K is it. We've done it, we now have perfect picture. Is it going to stop? Of course not, but while we take a break on the everest of media playback we've hit a pretty good base camp. 4K gives you stunning visuals in a medium that compared to the last great step forward, doesn't cost a lot. I got a 55 inch 4K tv for $340. That's insane. When flat panels first came out and we were trying to figure out the difference between 1080i and 1080p TVs were in the thousands of dollars. Now you can get one for less than a new set of tires.

It's been a long road, getting from there to here, it's been a long time, but my time is finally here. And I will see my dream come alive at last, and I will touch the sky. These fateful words opened the worst series of Star Trek before Discovery and they were showcased with a montage of achievements in flight. Now I didn't travel to space but I have taken a journey and sometimes it's nice to be able to tangibly see what lay behind you. Then throw it away because HWIDG doesn't advocate hoarding.

Well that's it for this second take of an episode, thank you for supporting the show this month. Come chat in the discord or buy a shirt and show how much you love HWIDG.

Tab and Tim Watch - The Matrix

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It's June and finally I had some time to open my computer again to edit this commentary. This month Tim and I sit down to watch a movie that shaped the 2000s like no other movie could. The Matrix. We talk about the sequels and the effects and how we got into our leather fetishes. Who didn't get to dress up as Neo for Halloween? Do you remember the Rad packaging for the original DVD? Why do the lights come on halfway through? Find out when you strap on your PVC bodysuit and watch The Matrix with us!

Don't Forget to Submit your Movies for July 1st, and let me know what film series you'd be interested in hearing my thoughts on. Thanks for supporting the show!

Bonus Episode 31 - Finish Him!

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Welcome back HWIDG Patrons to this month's bonus episode. We just finished seeing John Wick 3 and it's great. After we finish adoring all things Keanu Reeves we're discussing these great pleasures.

Going Cold Turkey
Working with Your Hands
Mortal Kombat
Heads Up Displays

Being a quitter, some folks need to ween themselves off an addiction but not you. No you're going COLD TURKEY. That's right you're dropping it like it's 2013 and JJ Abrams just got announced as the new director of Star Wars, no questions asked.

In this world of computers, robots, and same day online shipping it's nice to change gears now and again and make something yourself. Not to brag, but I took a piece of scrap wood and a crude drawing and made a planter. I'm a shit carpenter, but man does it feel good to do something for yourself.

A franchise that has for better or worse changed the face of gaming time and again. Mortal Kombat, you know the song. Mortal Kombat is one of the single most enduring franchises to still be playable today, and the best part is you can still go back and play those old versions and it still feels satisfying to banish Shao Khan to the shadow realm, or phantom zone, or whatever the fuck it is. Look all I know about Mortal Kombat is that I am bad at it, and the bridge level with the pungee pit.

You know what would make this episode better? A heads up display showing exactly how many seconds you had left to listen. Perhaps directions to where you are headed. What about a reading of the promo code mentioned in this show with a countdown for how long you have left to use it? YouDon’tGetAPromoCodeIt’sTooLate and it's 22 days, get on it.

Plus some John Wick 3 talk and Ronnie suffers a fatality. Thanks for supporting the show this month, and go get those shirts!

Don't forget to vote for Next Month's Movie Commentary 

What's Wrong with Spaaace? - Episode 4 Part 2

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Welcome back to season 4 of TNG. We're wrapping this season up with some of the best episodes in TNG history and some of the worst reasons why Counselor Troi is on the show. Tim has some strong thoughts on these and we're not sure what he's going to watch next! Stay tuned for Season 5 coming soon?

Minisode 17 - The Phantom Zone

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After thanos snapped, the world hasn't been the same, but we have a plan to make a counter Infinity Gauntlet we just need to get these last four stones.

- Scheduled Delivery
- Not Being Acknowledged
- Fast Seasons
- Non-Complainers

The Scheduled Delivery stone's power is annoying the customer by delaying gratification on a timed schedule instead of just getting the delivery over with. It's said no one has ever been able to get their hands on this stone, because on the day it arrives, they inevitably get hit by a bus.

Next we have the Not Being Acknowledged stone, this one will get rid of Thanos by denying his existence in a world of apathy. There is only one way to get this stone, you have to get into a furniture store without being hitup by a salesman for the whole day. Then and only then can you enter the phantom realm and claim this stone's powers.

The third stone is easy to find, Fast Seasons can be found on any and all streaming services, you simply have to binge watch 45 seasons of Netflix Original material that has come out in the last 3 days. Didn't HWIDG just get started on Netflix, how are they already on season 18?

The final stone on your journey the Non-Complainer stone can only be reached by embarassing your girlfriend at dinner and sending her back for being undercooked. Sure your relationship is now over, but you finally have everything you need to conquer Thanos.

All that plus Endgame spoilers in this month's Minisode!

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 22 - Endgame Predictions

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Warning: This episode is better as a post mortem to see if what we thought was right or not. I highly suggest you listen to this after seeing Endgame and not before.

It's time folks, if your podcast app is updating it means that Tim and I are in the theater watching Endgame right now. In this Penultimate episode of Road Through Infinity War Tim, Todd, and I sit down to discuss what we think may or may not happen in the conclusion of the MCU. Who will Price is Right the weekend box office, who will live and who will die, what action do we get to see. We'll all find out soon, in Avengers: Endgame.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 21 - Captain Marvel

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This is the penulitmate episode of Road Through Infinity War. Captain Marvel brings us Brie Larson the most boring, bland, flat, lame character of the Marvel Universe. In a film where the child actor out shines you, you have to really suck. Join Nick Fury, a Cat, and Carol DanVERS as they fight the Skrull Menace. Oh wait, it's actually the Kree who are bad, you know the bad guys from Guardians of the Galaxy, go figure they are still bad guys even in a prequel. In what is sure to be the wokest super hero film of 2019, Craptain Marvel.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 20 - Ant-Man and the Wasp

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In the thrilling sequel to Ant-Man we find out Scott Lang has ant Syphillis from a one night stand he had down in the colony. Can Hope Van Dyne shrink down and clean his penis and save his life? Or will Scott die before the credits roll? Find out in this thrilling Episode.

Bonus Episode 30 - 18 Wheels of Fury

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Breaker Three Oh, Breaker Three Oh, This is the Madcuck out there on the highways haulin' a load of do gets to some degens upcountry. So buckle up your back door, grab a CB, get that manifest out because we're searching cabs for these important issues.

Pit Stops
Tailored Fit
Hotel Breakfasts
Truckers

Gas getting low, bladder getting full, stomach starting to growl, seeing smoke dogs? There is only one solution. A pit stop. Find the blue sign that will tell you how far off the interstate you need to go, stretch all the way out, and get some more supplies for the next leg of the run. Pit stops aren't just for function, maybe you see a fun building or a sign for wall drug, what's going on in Uranus? Why does this place look like a UFO? There's only one way to find out, and it's pit stop time.

This show is hosted by mutants, as evidenced by the fact that apparently none of us can just buy clothes that fit. So when you get that piece of custom made clothing that just fits, it's a life changing event. No need to roll your sleeves, or leave the top button un done. We're in tailored fit mode.

Ahh. All the " euro-pine" countries lay before me. Where should I fly to first? Ahh. The pit of the doughnut. Mm, thank you, turkey. Mm, buckle up. Let's see where we shall go next. Ah, the danish! Clearly from brussels. Mm, mm! Mm! Hello, greece, where the yogurt flows like water. Mm, yes, like go-gurt, but to stay. Mm, so good! Mm, pulling into spain. Mm! Baked to perfection. Can you believe it? It all comes with the room! Mm! Mm, mm! Yes! Mm! I love being incontinent! I love being incontinent! A delight to the senses, isn't it, my friend? Isn't it? Yes! I'll have what i'm having!

Chances are if you're listening to this a trucker has affected your life some way today. Trucks are the life blood of commerce and people don't appreciate them. They're like garbage men, except in reverse, they're bringing shit to you so you can throw it away later. HWIDG would like to thank the truckers of America for dragging our shit from here to there.

All that and we talk about Crew-Neck vs. V-Neck, voting for May's movie commentary, and Tim plays some new video games.


Road Through Infinity War - Episode 18 - Black Panther

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Welcome friends to the penultimate film before Infinity War and the greatest film ever made, according to fucking morons on the internet. Black Panther is a competent movie, and a total bore. In a formulaic Marvel Origin story that devolves into a CGI shitfest, we are introduced to Black Panther, in case you missed him in Civil War. Also meet a cast of other people who matter, and a grand total of 21 white people. Yay diversity! More importantly this episode was recorded on my new Red Letter Media SM7B, which is very exciting. Stick around after the credits because I saved a short discussion from Dr. Strange where Tim and I shat all on this movie. Thanks for listening everyone, coming soon... Infinity War!

Road Through Infinity War - Thor: Ragnarok

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Finally a Thor movie that doesn't suck! Welcome friends to episode 17 of the fast approaching Road Through Infinity War. Tony couldn't join me because he never did get back with me for a time and with only 17 days, 23 hours, 43 minutes and 44 seconds until I see Endgame I need to get this shit done. This isn't the best Marvel Movie and it's not the worst, but it is the best Thor movie and that's saying something. This movie gets a lot right, and a lot wrong, but overall it's a good Hulk movie. Plus this is the first real teaser for Infinity War in the post credits scenes. So sit back relax and enjoy Thor: Ragnarok.

As a side note I tried out a different processing setup to save time in the editing, let me know if you notice a difference or not and if it is for the better or worse.

Coming soon, Black Panther!

Tab and Tim Watch - John Wick

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John is a man of focus, commitment, sheer will... something you know very little about. I once saw him kill three men in a bar... with a pencil, with a fucking pencil.

And this, is one of the greatest movies ever made. Join Tab, Tim, and Todd in his first time watching this movie in a cinematic experience to rival no other. Witness Todd ask questions about the movie 4 seconds before they happen. Listen to Tab's 4K cross bearing because he isn't sitting in the right spot. Try to guess when Tim starts to fall asleep. Keep your dogs close, and your machine guns closer it's time for John Wick.

Minisode 16 - It's Twenty Fifteen

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Welcome back HWIDG fans to this month's Minisode dedicated to you the listener. This month we're back at the affected talking studios and mumbling about these issues.

Gas Cans
The Revenge of 2019
My Gum Not Being Here
Guitar Hands

Another victim in the slow march towards obsolescence in the name of safety, Gas Cans. These new pieces of shit require a PHD in cucked engineering to understand how they work. I've been taking some extension courses and the answer is, they don't. Getting the gas in, well that's easy, but getting it out, what are you some kind of terrorist? In the off chance that some kid gets out to the shed and gets to where the gas can is stored and can get the lid off, and still wants to drink the putrid smelling water? Well that problem just solved itself.

"2019 what a worthless year." said Tim the Handle Breaker not realizing at that very moment in the legion of doom Calendar-Man was strapping on his huge honker dragon Dildo to fuck him right up. Maybe it's the year trying to make an impression, and maybe it's just our subjective take on time, but boy howdy has this year been a rough one, and you weren't expecting it.

Regionalisms, why the fuck can I not get Cheerwine in Oklahoma? It's all the fuck over North Carolina and they are hogging it all. Fucking Florida has the gum I like in 55 gallon drums but all they sell here in OK, 15 piece packages that look like anal beads. Send all the product all the places, or don't send it anywhere at all.

Finally we're talking about how torn up and deformed your hands get when you play an instrument, any musicians that want to call in and talk about the debilitating injuries you've earned crafting your art, please call in.

All of that plus my Roomba fucks up again, we discuss Jussie Smollet, Todd can't follow google Maps instructions, and much more.

We Left the Mics On - The My Little Pony Movie

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Sometimes your mouth writes checks that you ass has to cash and this is one of them. Due to a brief twitter feud I Tab Birt lost a bet online and as such had to subject my friend Tim the Handle Breaker to watching this movie with me. With the agreement that we release it to our feeds so here it is. Watch along with us, or don't it's a really bad movie. Just hit play on the movie and our track at the same time.

Bonus Episode 29 - Out of the Comfort Zone

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Life is filled with every day misfortunes but this time we're not talking about that, we're talking about what's best in life, and following Crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women, are these big do gets.

Trailers
Trying New Things
My Jam
Comeuppances

Coming soon to theaters, a trailer is a story it's not the story of the movie, it's a story about why you should dump $10 for a ticket to see the real story. Trailers are the carnival barkers of the modern world, a good trailer can make a terrible movie must see, and a bad trailer can make a movie not worth your time.

We're all in our comfort zone, and that's great, but sometimes you have to step out and try something new. When you do you can be proud of yourself, you've grown as a person even if you don't like it now you know for sure. Wanna know what? I don't know who called it the comfort zone, but I'm pretty sure they called it that 'cause everything inside that zone's good and comfy.

Whoa whoa whoa, turn it up that's My Jam. We've all said it, and we've all got it. Music is in our blood and no matter what genre you've got something that moves you. It feels good to listen to our jams. Don't let anyone shame you if yours is Feel Like a Woman, Tim.

Nothing feels better than seeing a piece of shit get his comeuppance. That guy who cut you off getting ticketed down the road. The guy who kidnapped your wife getting crushed by his own semi. The team that killed your friends getting thrown out of a helicopter. It's satisfying to see someone get the harvest that they've sown, even if it isn't by your own hand.

And be sure to go vote for April's Movie Commentary! 

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 16 - Spider-Man: Homecoming

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Welcome back a legend into the fold, Spider-Man in the third reboot of the character in 20 years someone finally gets it right and it is so good. Meet Peter Parker, a mild mannered high schooler with great power, but we can't say great responsibility. His nemesis, the OG Batman Michael Keaton who just wants to do right by his family. Along the way meet a huge cast of memorable characters like, Fat Kid, Not Tom Hardy, DJ Douchebag, Technology Nerd, and finally Black MJ who isn't actually MJ.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

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This time on Road Through Infinity War we discuss the masterpiece that is Guardians of the Galaxy 2. A masterpiece of shit. This movie cannot let a single moment pass without under cutting it with a sarcastic comment or mean spirited quip. The first film was great, and I am 100% sure it was because James Gunn wasn't left to his own devices. Now on #2 he's all alone with nobody to dilute his cynicism and daddy issues to tell a good story. Enter at your own risk.