Available for all $10 Patrons!
Welcome patrons to this month's movie commentary, it's a shorty this month. 2018's Joe Goodall directed Breakdown. Join a desperate couple tricked into kidnapping a poor girl and forced to be shot like a comedy in places that don't require a permit to film. Will they do the right thing and go to the police, or will it end on the worst twist in film history? Watch to find out!
Don't forget to submit your movie for April!
Available now for all $5 Patrons!
Hello Patrons and welcome to this bonus Episode. This Month we're talking about these pleasures!
Winning
Fog
Loot
Cruising
What's best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women! Winning, it's what we are biologically driven to do, be a winner. All those people that say they don't care about winning... they are liars.
Better than winning, the Haze all around you that obscures distant objects and makes light seem to have physical form. Fog is the best kind of weather, it's the best atmospheric effect, and it's the best way to make up for your short render distances, I mean.
What better way to make up for that super short render distance than with some free stuff. Loot you want it, you need it, it's the dopamine hit that keeps you playing our game vs. the competitor and makes sure you'll be stealing Mom's credit card to keep paying.
But when the money runs out, there is only one thing to do. Steal Mom's car and go cruising, get away for a bit. Just drive slow and take a look around the world for a time, but do it quick because she definitely reported you for Grand Theft.
Well that's it for this month. Thanks for supporting the show! Don't forget to vote on this month's movie commentary.
Available now for all $10 HWIDG Patrons!
It's that time of year again, Valentine's Day, and what better way to say I love you than to take you sweetheart home, put on Starship Troopers and show her the perils of Facism in Spaaaaace!
This month our second commentary asks, "Do you want to live forever?" We definitely do, but only if Tim is allowed to take a nap in the middle of every film, and I can not run out of something to drink halfway through recording.
So it's time to do your part, get your pocket nuke, and get to the drop ship for Starship Troopers!
Don't forget to submit your movie for March!
Available now for all $10 Patrons!
Inmate: HWIDG2-1a
Crime: Supporting a wrong think podcast
Sentence: Life without the possibility of parole in New York.
New York, New York is it everything they say? And no place that I'd rather be. Except during the distant future year of 1997 when things went way fuckin south for a bit. Join Tab and Tim as they sit down to power through another Carpenter/Russel team up. Does escape from LA measure up? Is Mr. Miyagi in this film? Can you tell the moment that Tim falls asleep? Find out when you Escape from New York.
Sorry for the late commentary this month. We'll be making it up to you with a second commentary coming soon for Starship Troopers. Submit now for March!
Fuck you it's January! and what's fucking us this month are these meager issues.
Poorly Designed Specialty Hardware
Birth in Media
Reverse Apology Lookup
Pull Quotes
Why is it when you make something to fill a very very specific need instead of making the best version of that thing you fuck it up and make some piece of shit instead? We've all seen it, a niche problem with a niche solution, and the solution somehow makes the problem worse. I'm looking at you GaffGun, fuckin space taking up piece of shit.
Oh no a baby is coming and we aren't in a hospital! Quick no matter what century you are in, or what planet you are on, get some warm water and some towels. Now breath and scream until we've run this plot point into the ground. Why? Why are we constantly being treated to the screeching of some woman who couldn't say no? No to the guy that put that baby in her, and no to being told "Hey maybe don't do anything fuckin stupid in the next 3 weeks before your baby is due."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're going to have to grab your Sherlock Holmes hat and scour the internet to find out what I'm even apologizing for. Social media travels faster than the speed of light, and the apologies are halfway around the world before the event even got it's pants on, meanwhile the next controversy just landed on the moon, and fucked your mother.
"Amazing" - The New Handlebreaker in Town, "...episode this week... was great" - Tony from Hack the Movies, "...awesome listening to this..." - NineintheLine, "It's one of the best." - Muddy. These pull quotes and more are from the discord, what are they talking about, well based on the context it can only mean this show! Thanks everyone for the support!
Plus we narrow down what year Todd was born, and shame Tim for missing 113. Thanks for supporting the show this month. We really appreciate it.
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
Previously on HWIDG the Next Generation. Tab was promoted to Admiral, Tim was distressed by the sudden usurpation of his command, and only two of the first eleven episodes of the season didn't make it on Tab's must watch list. And now... the conclusion.
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
We're back at it again this time discussing season 3 of Star Trek TNG. This time with a new hosting lineup but the same great taste! We ran a little long on this recording so we had to split it up Part 2 will be out soon. This episode focuses on the first 13 episodes of the season and it gets a little dicey.
Available now for all $5 Patrons!
It's that time of the month again, time to take your state mandated anti-masculinity pills and fluff those tits boys. Otherwise you might get a case of the boners and boy would that be embarrassing for everyone. While your hormones even out take some time and think about all the ways you've disappointed your parents with these sins of the past.
Diversity
Cookie Dough
Being the Dumb One
Westerns
Being different was considered by the Elder Race of Man to be a good and healthy part of society. They thought that having many people with different strengths and weaknesses was a path to greater societal strength. As history has taught us though, it is better to be the same, which is why the divine scholars have your bodies surgically modified from a young age to make everyone the same!
Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Salmonella, are all sins of the past you can see in the museum of socio-economic history in San Angeles. There you will find these terrible diseases were eradicated in one move by simply outlawing cookie dough! Our ancestors loved cookies so much that they would eat the uncooked cookie youngling's direct from the egg sack found in the cookie's birthing home, the freezer section of walmart. What better way to enjoy history than with a super fun Bland and Nutritious bar from Taco Bell!!
A tragic story from history is that of Ouzounian the Cuckold. A man who was so stupid that he destroyed his own career and those of his former friends. Following his mental collapse in 2019 God Emperor Trump made it illegal to be stupid, thus creating the Department of Smoothbrain Extermination. This department created new ways to educate the populace and now we are all geniuses in our own minds! No longer are we challenged by the more coherent thoughts of others.
The barbarism of the 20th century is never more evident in their glorification of the violence of the 19th century. The barbarism and simplistic story telling while captivating and visually stunning is not a thing we allow in this enlightened future. The museums of Western History were all bombed in the great war of 2024 to show that we have risen above the barbarism of shooting hunks of metal into one another over petty differences, and now shoot mother fuckin lasers!
We hope your conditioning is returning to normal and any masculine urges you may have felt have past. We'll see you next month when you have to penis cut off and reattached just above your anus for proper self fornication.
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
Welcome to this argument between two friends cleverly disguised as bonus content for their podcast. In this corner, Tab Birt the Rage Machine and Hater of Doctors, Wizards, and Benedict Cumberpatch, in the opposite corner, Tim the Handle Breaker, a person who is wrong. We discuss this film in great detail and point out all the ways that it could be better, but it isn't because it sucks.
Speaking of sucking, next up Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
You've been waiting all year for this, and it is here. In what is the gold standard of Super Hero films right there with The Dark Knight, Captain America: Civil War. Adapting the hugely popular Civil War storyline from the comics, this film pits two heroes, Captain America and Tony Stark against one another in an ideological battle for the ages. Who's right who is wrong, you decide. This film will likely get mentioned in nearly every episode following this, yes it is that good. Also introduced in this movie, mother fucking Spider-Man, and Black Panther who is also cool I guess. So sit back and enjoy this recap of Captain America: Civil War.
Available now for all $10 Patrons!
Welcome friends to the first Movie Commentary of January. This month we're sitting down to watch Kurt Russel in Big Trouble in Little China. Join us as we find out will Kim Catrall blink out her green contact lenses? How many gross comparisons can we make about the aged Lo Pan? Is Mr. Miyagi in this film or is it all in Tab's imagination?
Thanks you once again for supporting HWIDG you make the show possible with your generous support.
Most of all don't forget to go submit your pick for next month's movie commentary!
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
We're growing the beard and sitting down to talk about Season 2 of Star Trek TNG. Where is Doctor Crusher? Should Kathrine Pulaski be kicked out an airlock? Is Data a person? And just how long do you think it took Riker to bang every chick on board the Klingon ship? All these questions and more will be addressed as we ask, What's Wrong with Spaaace?
Available now for all HWIDG Patrons!
Thank you patrons, and please enjoy this the final Minisode of 2018. It's all because of you our amazing fans. This month we're talking about these measly annoyances.
- Changing Your Pocket Layout
- Overstretching
- Haircuts
- Door Knocks in Commercials
You've got the handful of things you carry every day and chances are, you put those things in the same pocket every time. What happens when you wear weird pants, get an injury and can't access a pocket, or start carrying something new? You have to rearrange and your whole world is upside down. This is why I carry everything on a spring loaded mechanism up my sleeve.
You're getting into your Mid-20s and your dreams of becoming Mr. Fantastic have started to fade, but maybe if you work a little bit at a time you can still make it. Well you're wrong because that little bit extra you tried to reach, it's fucked your whole week fam. Get ready for soreness, and limited motion, maybe next time get off your lazy ass instead.
Hair, it's always growing and unless you want to look like Cousin It you have to constantly have it maintenanced, and they can never get it just the way you like it. It's always slightly too short, or they want to put some weird shit in it you don't use. Then you have to worst part, the small talk. What do you do, any plans for new years, seeing anyone. "Listen Mom, just cut my fuckin' hair in silence and we can talk about this shit at dinner."
Knock knock, Who's there? Fuckin' nobody! But your dogs don't know that, they're all hyped up and ready to bark the mailman to death. Thanks Pizza Hut I really appreciate this cacophony you've brought upon me.
All that plus a new enemy tries to breach the sanctum of the studio. Thank you again for supporting us and if you haven't already be sure to join the Discord.
Available now for all $2 Patrons
Join me once again while we talk about Earth's Tiniest Hero. Feel the adventure and excitement as criminal with a conscience Paul Rudd teams up with an old haggard Michael Douglas to take on less funny and evil Paul Rudd. In what might be the most lack luster end to an MCU Phase in the 2 we've seen so far, this movie is a laugh a minute.
Coming Soon: Captain America Civil War
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
Welcome back from our long hiatus to the more aptly named Road Through Infinity War. I'm resuming right where I left off in a discussion of the happenings and meaning of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
This episode is Age of Ultron, the first reunion of the the Avengers since 2012. That's right all of your favorite heroes are back, Hawkeye, that one Asian Lady, Nick Fury's rousing peptalks, and many more. Find excitement in the shoehorned romantic subplot between Black Widow and the Hulk. Who has a secret farm family that no one knew about until now? And what's eating Tony so bad that he has to make a murder robot to feel like his life still has meaning? These questions and many others will be answered in this step on the Road Through Infinity War!
Coming soon Ant-Man!
Welcome HWIDG fans to December's extra merry bonus episode. We've got a lot to be thankful for this year, and you're gonna hear about it! This month we're sitting around the fire and talking about these pleasures.
- Magic
- Earplugs
- Deadcells
- Pepto
Spoiler Alert: Tim has still not taken these damn Magic Cards.
Magic, Earplugs, Deadcells, Pepto
Available now for all $10 Patrons!
Listen here, punk. My partner was the nice one. You know what that makes me? The bad cop. WHO DID IT?! HUH?! You don’t know, eh? Now why would that be? Would it be because you DIDN’T LISTEN TO THE COMMENTARY LIKE YOU SAID YOU DID?! Ahhh. The truth finally comes loose. You didn’t listen to the commentary like you said you did. Stop crying’ kid. You’re no to use to us anymore, get on out of here. See Frank, told you I’d bust him open. Kid didn’t know nothin’ anyways. Damn. We gotta figure this out.
Who fell asleep during this month’s movie commentary? Find out, as we watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit? As always, we thank all you MEGA Producers for supporting the podcast. We say we love all our Patrons equally, but we love you all just a little bit more. Don’t forget to submit a movie for next month’s commentary, or we’ll drop you into a vat of the dip!
Available to all HWIDG Patrons!
Hello! This is your minisode for the month of November. Sorry it’s so short, but we had to cut out about 60% of the recording because it was all teeth chattering. It’s cold here. It’s cold and everyone’s sick. But not as sick as these mini issues, dude!
* Slow Cashiers
*People that don't change the default ringtone
* Opening Acts
* Being Upsized at No Charge
As always, we greatly appreciate you supporting the podcast, and we’ll be right back at ya with more min issues next month!
Available now for all $2 Patrons!
Yellow alert, raise shields, energize weapons, and set speed to Warp Factor One because Tim finally sat down and watched TNG Season One and we're gonna talk about it. So get out there and grab your favorite spandex onesie, batleth, and pet lionfish for this episode so nerdy it may be in violation of the Divisible Directive, aka General Order 2.
Available now for all $5 Patrons!
Sorry this one is late folks, but a big snowstorm came through and delayed all the flights. This bonus episode had to stay at a very mediocre La Quinta Inn for a few days until another flight came through. At least the breakfasts were continental. Anyways, here it is, and here’s what we discuss:
* Snow
* Pranks
* Boxing Movies
* Getting A New One
As always, thanks for supporting the show! We’ll see you next month with another hot batch of Do Gets!
HERE'S WHAT I DON'T GET: A weekly podcast co-hosted by Tab Birt, and Tim the Handle Breaker, the ONLY formerly International podcast to tackle all of life's toughest issues.
