Tab and Tim Watch - Episode 4 Rubber

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In what may be the worst pitched movie of all time, a tire becomes sentient and kills a town. The tire is pretty cool it has feelings, you start to understand it. Two big problems, 1 they put a framing device in to justify why the movie sucks, and 2 they show the tire kill pretty much nobody. This may be one of the worst films we've ever seen. Sit back and watch it with us though, hopefully you get a laugh.

You guys are the only ones submitting movies this month so be on the look out for that survey that posts right along side this. Thanks for the support for March and we'll catch you next month.

Tab & Tim

Minisode 4 - It's Not Gay, It's Just Fruit

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Welcome Patreonis to an episode so small you can barely see it. This month the little things that are nagging us are.

- Sore Throats
- Throwers
- Bananas
- Google Image Search
- Liking Penis
- Cold Contact Solution

There is a terrible feeling in life and it's having a sore throat. Days of misery in what might be your most important orifice. What's worse is that there about about 400 ways to get one and the only way to cure it is patience.

About that impatience, nothing is worse than an impatient fuck in your game throwing the thing because he thinks you suck. Hey dipshit, maybe if you played with the team instead of trying to be the one man greatest douche on earth, we could win.

About this time in the show, Tim decides he needs to desperately share a message with me. It's a picture of his lousy tea, so I made it the thumbnail. Now you too get to experience the Anus.

If you want to know more about things that don't go in your anus unless you are an atheist, look no further than bananas. What a shitty fruit you buy it and 40 minutes later it's decomposed into dirt. Science has given us a lot of things but bananas that don't suck isn't one of them.

In the latest way google fuck us all in the ass was the removal of the open image button. Yet again some company got their panties in a wad because people were able to use the internet fully, and google's white guilt stepped in and fucked the user. Thanks google, thanks so much.

Something else that fucks you is a penis, and I just don't get what the appeal is. Who wants a penis, I mean really.

Finally the weak among us that need daily prosthetic correction to not get themselves killed have a gripe. Putting cold contacts in your eyes. If we lived in the Hobbesian state of nature you'd all be dead. So count your blessings.

Well that's it until next month. Thanks for supporting the show, and stay peeled for Episode 66 coming soon! 

Bonus Episode 16

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Available now for all $5 Patrons!

This month on Here’s What I Do Get:  
* Puzzles
* Shutting The Fuck Up
* Being Right
* Turning It Off

Sure you're a lazy do nothing who weighs 400 lbs, what are you going to do exercise? No. Unless you're exercising your mind. Puzzles aren't just movie posters that Edward Scissorhands got a hold of. You can do them on your phone or the computer. Put numbers in boxes, or letters, or rearrange some letters. Unwind with a puzzle, you've earned it.

While you enjoy that puzzle, here is something low calorie, vegan, and gluten free. Shutting the Fuck Up. Look, we've all had that thought, but next time instead of saying it, just Shut the Fuck Up. Maybe your wife won't yell at you for 10 minutes. Online argument not going the way you planned? Here's a steaming hot cup of STFU. Shutting the Fuck Up now at Walmart.

Unfortunately you can't always Shut the Fuck Up, and when that happens you gotta be right. Being right is the greatest feeling on Earth. Those three little words that make you the king of everything "You Were Right." Who doesn't have a great day when they are proven right. You may never hear that though, because the other party may learn the lesson and never tell you, but you know, deep down in your heart. You were right.

Finally right after this episode what are you going to do? Turn it off. Sometimes you just need to get away from the world and the constant pings and beeps of the digital world and be human again. Go to dinner and leave your phone in the car. Turn off the TV and play a game with your family. Just turn it all off for a little bit and see how not being on all the time feels good.

Well that wraps it up for this months bonus episode. We'll be seeing you in a couple weeks for the Minisode with a very special guest. If you're wallet is feeling a little bit fat why not double your pledge and vote in the Monthly Movie Commentary and catch it with us on March 1st. Thanks for supporting the show!

Minisode 3 - With Tim

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Tim comes screeching into the Madcucks Studios hot and heavy and we talk about some important, yet microscopic issues.

- Flimsy Physical Media
- Too Short of a Chairs
- Too many small plates
- Too Tight Pants
- Sleeping at a New Place
- Not Seeing the Hulk's Penis

You know how you spent a little extra to get your favorite book, or maybe that movie or video game you've been wanting? Well guess what, it's falling apart because they cut a bunch of little holes in your Blu-Ray Case. That book is a paper back and it's curved and split all to fuck. Now I have no reason to live.

Speaking of no reason to live, short people must inhabit the world of office chairs because they are always too goddamn low to the ground. The adjustment is ass on the ground, or ass hovering slightly above the ground. Hey how about knees at a 45 degree angle and a little bit of rockback you cheap cocks.

You know what would cut food costs down? Not having to have a dishwasher wash 40 small saucers instead of one regular sized plate. It's like they are setting up a model of the solar system and your table is the canvas. Hey asshole, if I wanted to explore outer space, I'd watch Star Trek.

Star Trek is great, but you know what it is rife with? Too tight of pants. In the future everyone is wearing spandex and it's camel toe's and moose knuckles from here to Betelgeuse. You know who wants tight pants? Women, and they can't stop complaining about how they don't have pockets that work. Some how companies figured men were so tired of hearing this complaint that we wanted to end it by also wearing tight pants.

As long as we're registering complaints, Tim wants to complain about the lodgings I provided for him. Look Tim, you got a sofa, with nearly 0 privacy, a blanket, and a crack head next door shouting until three in the morning. You can't fucking sleep? Tough luck. I once slept on the floor because Tim fell asleep playing video games at a friends house and that was the only option.

Finally we watched Thor Ragnarok and they make a huge plot point of Banner's too tight of pants, yet when he turns into the Hulk at the end of the movie those pants magically expand to not be too tight on the Hulk. Look I'm not into Penises, but we should have at least seen some neck and tasteful editing. Goddamn.

Well that's this minisode that somehow got a longer write up than some regular episodes.   

Tab & Tim Watch #2 - Robocop (1987) & Robocop (2014)

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Available now for all $10 Patrons

Well, you did it! Your first pick for us was both Robocops at the same time, so we did it! It was a little awkward at first, but we got used to it eventually, making sure to spend a little bit of time on each one so that the other one didn’t get jealous. Chances like this don’t come around very often, so we’re grateful you let us, cause we sure enjoyed ourselves. So grab some nuke, rig up your data spiken, and sit down with us as we take on Robocop and Robocop! 

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Tab & Tim Watch: Hunter Prey

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Available Now for all $10 Patrons

Welcome to your new monthly reward, patrons! Every month we'll sit down and watch a movie of your choice, whether we like it or not! This first episode is an exception though, as we start off with an indie sci-fi flick that has a sordid past with us. So grab a ten dollar soda, an industrial sized tub of buttered popcorn, and sit down with us as we take on Hunter Prey! 

The film can be found here on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5KG-iiwbtA, or by whatever other shifty means you can find.

Bonus Episode 15

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Available now for all $5 Patrons!

Here's What We Do Get this month:
* Silence
* Filtered Water
* Organizing Files
* Ad-blockers 

 Tab Blows the episode intro so badly we almost had to cancel the show. 

Speaking of cancelling the show, that would leave you our first do get this month. Silence. Silence is the feeling of taking off your shoes at the end of a long day. Silence is that first bite of a delicious steak. Silence is the only non physical entity described as gold. 

What else is gold?   Well that water filter in your fridge, it's the gold standard separating you from being healthy, or living in Flint Michigan. Wether it's attached to the back of your fridge like a hideous mole, or a plastic contraption constantly needing to be refilled filtered water is great.   What is a water filter really if not just an organized and specifc place to store your water? 

That's why Tim gets Organizing Files, we go off the deep end into a really hot and heavy discussion on file storage on our computers does someone pop a boner?   You'll never know because that Boner, had an advertisement for some obnoxious cereal on the tip of it and you aren't an idiot, you use ad block. 

Remember the days when searching for porn was followed quickly by a scan with your anti-virus? Not anymore, now you're more likely to get a virus visiting imgur or CNN because they used some shittier ad server. Please though, put some stupid thing in my face about turning off ad block.  

Thanks once again for Supporting the show, stay tuned for a Minisode coming on the 30th, and Madcucks vs Discuckery coming back to finish the season!

Dicktation - Rambo First Blood

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Available to all $2 Patrons

Many months ago I visited Dick Masterson and in the Mountain Bunker and watched a horrifically violent movie that made the career of the biggest mumbler in Hollywood History!

Visit again as Dick Masterson and I host of The Dick Show talk about random mumbo jumbo as we watch Rambo First Blood. During the episode I was offered a free gun, did I get it? The answer is I live in a place where I'm not allowed to have firearms so no.

Awesome thumbnail by Call of the Deep.

The Car Podcast

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Available now to all HWIDG Patrons!

After recording an episode of the regular show I thought we'd take a crack at recording a Bonus episode, and hey, why not do it in person. With no where to do it that was particularly quiet we took the show on the road recording the whole thing using my DR-40 field recorder and a couple of mics while driving aimlessly around town. This one has the best audio quality of the three, but there is still some traffic noise and other car noises.

Tim's First Test Episode

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We recorded this just a few days after Buck said he needed to step away from the show. The audio quality is very low, Tim us recording using a headset and I am recording the headset audio after Discord processing. The issues are fun, I brought in some issues from the past that wouldn't ever really be relevant. Hope you enjoy these, and Happy Fesitvus

Minisode 3 - With Buck

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Audio available now to all HWIDG Patrons!

Video Available now to all $5 Patrons!

ThankTHnullTHnulTHTHnullTHnulTThanksThankTHnullTHnulTHTHnullTHnulTTYup.

(What you see above is what happens when I try to post to patreon from my phone.  I was gonna come to my pc and fix it, but I decided it should stay.  Thanks for your support, everyone!)

Retrosode 1 (ft Joel Chaco)

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If you're one of those who've been with us since the beginning and kinda miss the feel of the old days, or maybe you're a new listener just now working your way back through the catalogue and decided you like some of the earlier episodes, then this is for you!  And if you're not a fan of Joel Chaco, then this episode is definitely NOT for you!  (So, listen at your own risk!)

Joel and Buck kick it oldschool and bring hash it out like the days of yore!  So sit back, relax, and let the nostalgia wash over you as the Cantankerous Calgarian, the Angry Albertan, from the Great White North, JOEL CHACO triumphantly returns!

Bonus Episode 11 - Term Limits

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That's right, it's another bonus episode for our illustrious Patreon subscribers!  Without your contributions, this podcast COULD NOT happen, so thank you!


 . . . also, sorry about the audio quality.  Turns out trying to record two people in my upstairs studio  . . . ehhh . . . not really the best way to do things. -ub