Bonus Episode 24 - Apparently!

Available now for all $5 Patrons

It's time to get spooky with this month's bonus episode filled with do gets! This month we talk about what is/isn't a soup, our experiences with haunted houses, weird comic book multiverses, and shorthand communication. As always, thanks to YOU our lovely patrons for supporting the show, and we'll see you next month for another round of do gets.
* Soup
* Haunted Houses
* Comic Book Alternate Universes
* Shorthand

Tab and Tim Watch #10 - The Thing (Feat. Todd Seidel)

The Thing Commentary

Available now to all $10 Patrons

FINALLY! It’s that time of year again folks! Toss that beach chair and suntan lotion into a dumpster and set it on fire, because not only is it time for Halloween, it’s probably also a Thing monster! That’s right, this month we’re watching The Thing! Get your bourbon, your parkas, your roller skates, and your teeth fillings ready, because someone is secretly a hideous practical effect monster and the only way they can die is a flamethrower to the face.

And if that doesn’t sound exciting enough for you, stick around till the end to find out who calls who the n-word literally dozens of times! Hint: it’s not Kurt Russell to Keith David. Don’t forget to submit your suggestions for next month’s movie, keeping in mind we’ll be recording it just before Halloween day, so remember to keep it spooky!  

Bonus Episode 23 - Haunted Telephone

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Available to all $5 Patrons now!

Hey there, folks! For your monthly bonus episode we talk about things we remember! Like, the month of September. Despite what Earth Wind & Fire told you, it’s been very cloudy here. Join us as we get into why we love:  

* Cars (aka Owen Wilson’s drug money)
* Urban Exploring (aka breaking and entering)
* Flashlights (aka Torches, for you wierdos)
* Good Packaging (Big, toight packages)

Catch us next month for another round of Do Gets, and as always thank you for your patronage! Listen to this one on the 21st for maximum effect! 

Tab and Tim Watch #9 - Hot Fuzz

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Available now to all $10 Patrons

Oi mate, welcome to dis monf’s movie commentry. It’s ‘ot Fuzz, wanker. We get all British, ‘ead down to the pub, and ‘ave a pint or two. One of ‘ates it like it’s marmite or somefink. The other likes it enough, like bangers and mash. Find out who it is when ye sit down wit some fish n chips, or maybe a a kebab, and watch the movie wit us. Don’t forget to vote for nex monf’s bloody movie too!

Minisode 10 - I'm a Pizza Scientist

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Available now to all HWIDG Patrons!

Like a fly you can’t get rid of, here’s another installment of those little irksome things that poke at the back of your mind.

  • Too Much Sauce

  • Unclear Communication

  • Summer Rain

  • Movie Tickets

A good sauce to thing-being-sauced ratios is KEY to a good meal. Too little leaves you wanting more, but too much? That can ruin a dish, no matter how good that sauce is. Too much, and you make a mess, leaving you looking like a two year old eating spaghetti. But even over ruining your clothes, it can ruin the food, making it soggy. There’s got to be a better way!

Everyone’s got unique names for things, whether it’s an inside joke, or an abbreviation, or just some jargon exclusive to their field.    But, a smart and decent person knows to translate it back into layman’s terms when communicating with someone outside of their circle. If not, you make yourself look like an asshole by appearing to look down on the other person for not knowing your technical wordery. 

Hey, it’s hotter than satan’s balls out, you know what would be great, let’s add some humidity to that. No, it won’t cool you down like usual. It’ll still be ball-hot, just a lot muggier and you’re wet. Thanks, Satan.

Tickets! Who needs ‘em? Who wants to remember a fun night out? No one. Here’s a receipt that says ticket on it. But it’s not a ticket. I know, you know it, we all know it’s not a ticket. A ticket should have perforated edges, multiple colors, made of thicker stock paper, and be a nice keepsake for an event. But no one wants them I guess!

Bonus Episode 22 - Rock and Roll D.I.Y.

Available Now! To all $5 Patrons at www.Patreon.com/HWIDG 

It’s that time of year again. Back to school! As you either whisk your little ones away or move your stuff into your dorm, remember to take some time for the things you love! Don’t worry, that essay can write itself the night before it’s due. How about you listen to this month’s Bonus Episode instead and get some ideas on how to wind down after a cram session. This month’s do-gets include:

- Cold Drink on a Hot Day
- Fixing it Yourself
- Rock Band
- Bitching

Literally nothing is more refreshing than an ice-cold drink when you’re hot. Name one thing more refreshing. I dare you. You can’t. Whether it’s a glass of sugary-sweet lemonade, a fizzy pop, or even just a nice chilled glass of water, nothing feels better. Been working out? Cranking them lifts? BAM! Cold glass of water. Maybe you’ve been mowing your front lawn and trimming trees? BAM! Lemonade cures all. Maybe it’s just a hot day, and you’ve been out riding your bike all over town with your buddies. BAM! Grab a nice root beer from the Stop-n-Go, but STEAL IT THAT MAKES IT FEEL EVEN BETTER.

Sometimes, you’re way in over you head. You’re not gonna be able to un-total a car. But for those smaller problems, the ones that others might immediately go to a specialist for? Well, my friends we’re here to tell you to fix it yourself. It’s a wondrous sense of accomplishment that comes along with it. Researching, gathering your tools, and fixing it step by step makes you feel like a productive member of society. You really out-did yourself this time. Go you.

Thank you Harmonix. You music game gods that gave us this beauty of a rock n’ roll simulation. It’s the closest you can get without actually learning an instrument to being in a band. It’s the best parts of karaoke, Guitar Hero, and party games all put together in a toight package like Robert Plant. It’s so much fun that when Tab recently lost his 8/9 year old save game, he didn’t say “screw this, I’m done”. He just started over again. And let me tell you folks, that is an amazing feat, and a very telling sign.

Getting something off your chest. Everyone’s gotta do it. Whether it’s work bringing you down, this mixed-up freaky world of ours, or you spilled some ketchup on your shirt, you can’t keep it bottled up inside. That’s how people go crazy. Think about it like an engine. You’re building up all this heat and nasty gunk inside, you’ve got an exhaust for a reason. Use it. Other wise it’ll all end up in your head and you’ll look like someone from Scanners by the end of the week. We don’t want that, you don’t want that.  (But if that does happen, film it for posterity. Exploding heads are always cool.)

As always, a big thanks to you Patrons for supporting the show. Your money is being put to good use on plenty of cold drinks and Rock Band DLC.

Tab and Tim Watch #8 Demolition Man

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Available now for all $10 Patrons

It’s movie time! Join us as we look to the not-so-distant future for a glimpse of society as it is destined to be! The Taco Bell Megacorp runs rampant, people are publicly shamed and punished for harsh words, cars can self-navigate, the government continually outlaws tasty foods, VR sex is the new norm, and worst of all, the entertainment and culture of Japan has infiltrated and consumed the lives of those too weak-hearted to resist it. This movie has it all! Watch as we witness the battles of Spartan vs. Phoenix, Bullock vs. Schneider, and Snipes vs. the IRS! So grab a bowl of pop-pop, a jug of fizz-juice, and get your three seashells ready for one hell of a movie! USER HAS BEEN FINED ONE CREDIT FOR VIOLATION OF THE VERBAL MORALITY STATUTE.   

Don’t forget to vote for next month’s movie! See you then! 

Minisode 9 - Ketchup Grand Prix

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Available now to all HWIDG Patrons!

Welcome folks! On this sunny July day, we’re glad to have you join us for the ONE, the ONLY: KETCHUP GPX!!! Seven bottles enter, but only one will come out on top. A battle of the highest importance, judged by the most cutting edge scientists the world has to offer. Folks, we’ve got underdogs, we’ve got returning champions, but most of all…we’ve got no clue how it’s gonna go! It’s anyone’s game! But first we’d like to tell you a little about who makes this all possible. This once-in-a-lifetime event is proudly brought to you by your local SONIC® Drive-In and their brand new Pickle Juice Slushie, pick one up today, or try one of their four other new flavors:

* Phone Game Ads
* Soldering
* Tattoos
* Differences in the Taste of Ice

That’s right, the sweet taste of Phone Game Ads are now available in slushie form, ready for you to ignore! Ignore the subtle hints of diamonds, gems, coins and more and get right back to suckin’ on that fat straw of content. (Ice, cup, and syrup flavoring not included, available in SlushBoxes for only $4.99!)

Afraid of metal? Don’t be, with the new Soldering Slushie! Melt those summertime blues (and old solder) away with it’s flavor punch of burning circuits with a hint of flesh! (Caution: Soldering Slushie requires three to four adult human hands to operate, not for children under three.) *SLURRRP*

MMMMM! What’s that taste? Well, it’s the taste of PBR, sushi, and Wild Berry Pop-Tart vape juice in our new Tattoo Slushie! Our engineers have whipped this one up with a special treat! It leaves a permanent tattoo on your tongue, with 25% less pain than a normal tattoo! Choose between a Celtic band, an anchor, and a fierce samurai warrior!

You thought that was all? Oh no my friend, we saved the best for last. We’ve gathered 124 different types of ice from refrigerators around the world to bring you the Funky Tasting Ice Slushie! Is it the vague taste of frozen chili? Is it the smell of frozen garlic bread? Is that a tiny piece of broccoli? The answers are YES, YES, and YES!

Thanks Patrons! We hope you enjoy this XXXL Not-So-Minisode experiment. Let us know how much you loved it in the comments or in our Discord. 

Bonus Episode 21 - The Great Chili Debate

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Available now to all $5 Patrons!

This month we've got these exciting do gets!

- Salsa
- Chili
- 40 Hours
- Rain

Quickly becoming the leading condiment on Earth Salsa is like ketchup, but for Mexican food, and has many different flavors. I guarantee out there somewhere is a Salsa for you. I think I am going to create an online dating website for Salsa, then one for Whiskey.

Hotly contested second Do Get this month. Chili, one host loves it, and one host hates it. Is this the end of HWIDG?

Bouncing off an issue in episode 85, 40 hours? Is it an issue or a Do Get? Listen to both episodes and you decide, or is Tab just really trying to hammer home that he has a job and that's why he stopped doing Madcucks. I mean he totally isn't going bald and blocking people because he's been infected.

Our final do get this month is Rain. Where would we be without the magical water falling from the sky? We'd be dead. So put on your dancing shoes and summon some rain clouds while you're listening to this great episode.

As always thank you so much to our patreon supporters, be sure to check out the Discord if you haven't already. Comment below on which side of the Chili Debate you fall.

Bonus Commentary - Ready Player One

Available now to all $2 Patrons

Tab and Tim sit down for a grueling day in the reference mines to dig up some old gems of pop culture lost to the ages. This commentary has more pet rocks and gundams than you can shake a stick at. Get your counters ready because we're tallying the fuck out of this movie to determine scientifically if it is terrible or not, (Spoilers) it is.

So grab you favorite amazon prime, or torrent site and get to watching what will go down as Steven Spielberg's easiest paycheck. Ready Player One.

Tab and Tim Watch - DOUBLE BONUS - The Ladykillers

Available now for all HWIDG Patrons

What is my favorite movie of all time. Tom Hank's 2004 incredible role as Golthwait Higginson Dorr PhD a mastermind of the heist of the century. Watch this fuckin movie, it's literally the best thing the Cohens have ever done. Then get ready to watch it again, because I hit play immediately after watching this movie.

Tab and Tim Watch - Independence Day (ft. Truckin and Tuckin)

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Available now for all $10 Patrons

This month features the greatest american story ever told. The 1996 BTFO of a bunch of hentai aliens from the planet fuck off. In a movie that peaked Jeff Goldblum, Sky Rocketed Will Smith, Features Jayne Cobb before the Cobb, and stars the greatest movie extra the world has ever seen. Independence Day should be your most beloved American tradition.

We also bring in our long time friend Truckin and Tuckin who we've talked about on the show. How long does it take, and who is the first one to doxx his real name? Find out when you watch Independence Day.

And visit the form to submit next month's commentary!

Tab and Tim Watch - Bloodsport

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Available now to all $10 Patrons

The results are in and Bloodsport is this month's winner. A movie that Tab has never seen and Tim hasn't seen in a long time. Bloodsport brings back the best of the 80s! Stereotypical honor minded oriental characters, easy casual sex with reporters, endearing bromance, and most of all a simple plot that explains itself in 20 minutes, and the rest of the film can just be awesome fights. What isn't there to love. So sit back and enjoy this month's Bloodsport commentary.

Minisode 7 - Little Women

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Available now for all HWIDG Patrons!

Welcome to the final bonus bits for this month.

- Windows Notifications
- No Mens Dish Gloves
- Lack of Backup Baskets
- Small Monsters
- Flys

Hey, it's Windows Here. I need to tell you about this important Bonus Episode that just released on HWIDG!

Maybe you're a sensitive man, not wanting to have a bunch of chemicals directly on your skin. Well fuck you because latex gloves, are the only thing on earth that are safe for women, and fuck you for trying to co-opt that safe space.

You're at the store, and finally you find a bunch of gloves for men. You're ecstatic. Guess what? In your hopeless state you didn't bother to grab a basket when you walking into the store. That's fine; as you walk to the front of the store. Only to never find the aisle ever again. Why wasn't a basket near you when you needed it?

You're trying to determine where the aisle possible could have gone. Maybe it was stolen by a monster. It would have to be a big one though, because small monsters are fucking lame. Anything that can be kicked out of a window, or disabled by capturing it in a box is not scary. I'm looking at you you goddamn fly in the house.

Flys are stupid. They just fly around bumping into shit, and getting trapped in your blinds making you go crazy trying to kill the fucker. There are no windows in the Handle Breaker house because he over zealously tried to kill all the flys and just bust through the whole window.

Well that is out Minisode this month. Thank you for supporting the show. We have 2 special bonus episodes coming soon for everyone, and an even specialer $5 Bonus Episode.