Tab and Tim Watch - John Wick

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John is a man of focus, commitment, sheer will... something you know very little about. I once saw him kill three men in a bar... with a pencil, with a fucking pencil.

And this, is one of the greatest movies ever made. Join Tab, Tim, and Todd in his first time watching this movie in a cinematic experience to rival no other. Witness Todd ask questions about the movie 4 seconds before they happen. Listen to Tab's 4K cross bearing because he isn't sitting in the right spot. Try to guess when Tim starts to fall asleep. Keep your dogs close, and your machine guns closer it's time for John Wick.

Minisode 16 - It's Twenty Fifteen

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Welcome back HWIDG fans to this month's Minisode dedicated to you the listener. This month we're back at the affected talking studios and mumbling about these issues.

Gas Cans
The Revenge of 2019
My Gum Not Being Here
Guitar Hands

Another victim in the slow march towards obsolescence in the name of safety, Gas Cans. These new pieces of shit require a PHD in cucked engineering to understand how they work. I've been taking some extension courses and the answer is, they don't. Getting the gas in, well that's easy, but getting it out, what are you some kind of terrorist? In the off chance that some kid gets out to the shed and gets to where the gas can is stored and can get the lid off, and still wants to drink the putrid smelling water? Well that problem just solved itself.

"2019 what a worthless year." said Tim the Handle Breaker not realizing at that very moment in the legion of doom Calendar-Man was strapping on his huge honker dragon Dildo to fuck him right up. Maybe it's the year trying to make an impression, and maybe it's just our subjective take on time, but boy howdy has this year been a rough one, and you weren't expecting it.

Regionalisms, why the fuck can I not get Cheerwine in Oklahoma? It's all the fuck over North Carolina and they are hogging it all. Fucking Florida has the gum I like in 55 gallon drums but all they sell here in OK, 15 piece packages that look like anal beads. Send all the product all the places, or don't send it anywhere at all.

Finally we're talking about how torn up and deformed your hands get when you play an instrument, any musicians that want to call in and talk about the debilitating injuries you've earned crafting your art, please call in.

All of that plus my Roomba fucks up again, we discuss Jussie Smollet, Todd can't follow google Maps instructions, and much more.

We Left the Mics On - The My Little Pony Movie

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Sometimes your mouth writes checks that you ass has to cash and this is one of them. Due to a brief twitter feud I Tab Birt lost a bet online and as such had to subject my friend Tim the Handle Breaker to watching this movie with me. With the agreement that we release it to our feeds so here it is. Watch along with us, or don't it's a really bad movie. Just hit play on the movie and our track at the same time.

Bonus Episode 29 - Out of the Comfort Zone

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Life is filled with every day misfortunes but this time we're not talking about that, we're talking about what's best in life, and following Crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women, are these big do gets.

Trailers
Trying New Things
My Jam
Comeuppances

Coming soon to theaters, a trailer is a story it's not the story of the movie, it's a story about why you should dump $10 for a ticket to see the real story. Trailers are the carnival barkers of the modern world, a good trailer can make a terrible movie must see, and a bad trailer can make a movie not worth your time.

We're all in our comfort zone, and that's great, but sometimes you have to step out and try something new. When you do you can be proud of yourself, you've grown as a person even if you don't like it now you know for sure. Wanna know what? I don't know who called it the comfort zone, but I'm pretty sure they called it that 'cause everything inside that zone's good and comfy.

Whoa whoa whoa, turn it up that's My Jam. We've all said it, and we've all got it. Music is in our blood and no matter what genre you've got something that moves you. It feels good to listen to our jams. Don't let anyone shame you if yours is Feel Like a Woman, Tim.

Nothing feels better than seeing a piece of shit get his comeuppance. That guy who cut you off getting ticketed down the road. The guy who kidnapped your wife getting crushed by his own semi. The team that killed your friends getting thrown out of a helicopter. It's satisfying to see someone get the harvest that they've sown, even if it isn't by your own hand.

And be sure to go vote for April's Movie Commentary! 

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 16 - Spider-Man: Homecoming

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Welcome back a legend into the fold, Spider-Man in the third reboot of the character in 20 years someone finally gets it right and it is so good. Meet Peter Parker, a mild mannered high schooler with great power, but we can't say great responsibility. His nemesis, the OG Batman Michael Keaton who just wants to do right by his family. Along the way meet a huge cast of memorable characters like, Fat Kid, Not Tom Hardy, DJ Douchebag, Technology Nerd, and finally Black MJ who isn't actually MJ.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

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This time on Road Through Infinity War we discuss the masterpiece that is Guardians of the Galaxy 2. A masterpiece of shit. This movie cannot let a single moment pass without under cutting it with a sarcastic comment or mean spirited quip. The first film was great, and I am 100% sure it was because James Gunn wasn't left to his own devices. Now on #2 he's all alone with nobody to dilute his cynicism and daddy issues to tell a good story. Enter at your own risk.

Tab and Tim Watch: Breakdown

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Welcome patrons to this month's movie commentary, it's a shorty this month. 2018's Joe Goodall directed Breakdown. Join a desperate couple tricked into kidnapping a poor girl and forced to be shot like a comedy in places that don't require a permit to film. Will they do the right thing and go to the police, or will it end on the worst twist in film history? Watch to find out!

Don't forget to submit your movie for April! 

Bonus Episode 28 - Ultra Rare Victory

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Hello Patrons and welcome to this bonus Episode. This Month we're talking about these pleasures!

Winning
Fog
Loot
Cruising

What's best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women! Winning, it's what we are biologically driven to do, be a winner. All those people that say they don't care about winning... they are liars.

Better than winning, the Haze all around you that obscures distant objects and makes light seem to have physical form. Fog is the best kind of weather, it's the best atmospheric effect, and it's the best way to make up for your short render distances, I mean.

What better way to make up for that super short render distance than with some free stuff. Loot you want it, you need it, it's the dopamine hit that keeps you playing our game vs. the competitor and makes sure you'll be stealing Mom's credit card to keep paying.

But when the money runs out, there is only one thing to do. Steal Mom's car and go cruising, get away for a bit. Just drive slow and take a look around the world for a time, but do it quick because she definitely reported you for Grand Theft.

Well that's it for this month. Thanks for supporting the show! Don't forget to vote on this month's movie commentary. 

Tab & Tim Watch - Starship Troopers

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It's that time of year again, Valentine's Day, and what better way to say I love you than to take you sweetheart home, put on Starship Troopers and show her the perils of Facism in Spaaaaace!

This month our second commentary asks, "Do you want to live forever?" We definitely do, but only if Tim is allowed to take a nap in the middle of every film, and I can not run out of something to drink halfway through recording.

So it's time to do your part, get your pocket nuke, and get to the drop ship for Starship Troopers!

Don't forget to submit your movie for March!

Tab and Tim Watch - Escape from New York

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Inmate: HWIDG2-1a

Crime: Supporting a wrong think podcast

Sentence: Life without the possibility of parole in New York.

New York, New York is it everything they say? And no place that I'd rather be. Except during the distant future year of 1997 when things went way fuckin south for a bit. Join Tab and Tim as they sit down to power through another Carpenter/Russel team up. Does escape from LA measure up? Is Mr. Miyagi in this film? Can you tell the moment that Tim falls asleep? Find out when you Escape from New York.

Sorry for the late commentary this month. We'll be making it up to you with a second commentary coming soon for Starship Troopers. Submit now for March! 

Minisode 15 - Sticker Picker

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Fuck you it's January! and what's fucking us this month are these meager issues.

Poorly Designed Specialty Hardware
Birth in Media
Reverse Apology Lookup
Pull Quotes

Why is it when you make something to fill a very very specific need instead of making the best version of that thing you fuck it up and make some piece of shit instead? We've all seen it, a niche problem with a niche solution, and the solution somehow makes the problem worse. I'm looking at you GaffGun, fuckin space taking up piece of shit.

Oh no a baby is coming and we aren't in a hospital! Quick no matter what century you are in, or what planet you are on, get some warm water and some towels. Now breath and scream until we've run this plot point into the ground. Why? Why are we constantly being treated to the screeching of some woman who couldn't say no? No to the guy that put that baby in her, and no to being told "Hey maybe don't do anything fuckin stupid in the next 3 weeks before your baby is due."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're going to have to grab your Sherlock Holmes hat and scour the internet to find out what I'm even apologizing for. Social media travels faster than the speed of light, and the apologies are halfway around the world before the event even got it's pants on, meanwhile the next controversy just landed on the moon, and fucked your mother.

"Amazing" - The New Handlebreaker in Town, "...episode this week... was great" - Tony from Hack the Movies, "...awesome listening to this..." - NineintheLine, "It's one of the best." - Muddy. These pull quotes and more are from the discord, what are they talking about, well based on the context it can only mean this show! Thanks everyone for the support!

Plus we narrow down what year Todd was born, and shame Tim for missing 113. Thanks for supporting the show this month. We really appreciate it.

What's Wrong with Spaaace? Episode 3 Part I

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We're back at it again this time discussing season 3 of Star Trek TNG. This time with a new hosting lineup but the same great taste! We ran a little long on this recording so we had to split it up Part 2 will be out soon. This episode focuses on the first 13 episodes of the season and it gets a little dicey.

Bonus Episode 27 - Diversity Hire

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It's that time of the month again, time to take your state mandated anti-masculinity pills and fluff those tits boys. Otherwise you might get a case of the boners and boy would that be embarrassing for everyone. While your hormones even out take some time and think about all the ways you've disappointed your parents with these sins of the past.

Diversity
Cookie Dough
Being the Dumb One
Westerns

Being different was considered by the Elder Race of Man to be a good and healthy part of society. They thought that having many people with different strengths and weaknesses was a path to greater societal strength. As history has taught us though, it is better to be the same, which is why the divine scholars have your bodies surgically modified from a young age to make everyone the same!

Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Salmonella, are all sins of the past you can see in the museum of socio-economic history in San Angeles. There you will find these terrible diseases were eradicated in one move by simply outlawing cookie dough! Our ancestors loved cookies so much that they would eat the uncooked cookie youngling's direct from the egg sack found in the cookie's birthing home, the freezer section of walmart. What better way to enjoy history than with a super fun Bland and Nutritious bar from Taco Bell!!

A tragic story from history is that of Ouzounian the Cuckold. A man who was so stupid that he destroyed his own career and those of his former friends. Following his mental collapse in 2019 God Emperor Trump made it illegal to be stupid, thus creating the Department of Smoothbrain Extermination. This department created new ways to educate the populace and now we are all geniuses in our own minds! No longer are we challenged by the more coherent thoughts of others.

The barbarism of the 20th century is never more evident in their glorification of the violence of the 19th century. The barbarism and simplistic story telling while captivating and visually stunning is not a thing we allow in this enlightened future. The museums of Western History were all bombed in the great war of 2024 to show that we have risen above the barbarism of shooting hunks of metal into one another over petty differences, and now shoot mother fuckin lasers!

We hope your conditioning is returning to normal and any masculine urges you may have felt have past. We'll see you next month when you have to penis cut off and reattached just above your anus for proper self fornication.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 14 - Doctor Strange (ft. Tim the Handle Breaker)

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Welcome to this argument between two friends cleverly disguised as bonus content for their podcast. In this corner, Tab Birt the Rage Machine and Hater of Doctors, Wizards, and Benedict Cumberpatch, in the opposite corner, Tim the Handle Breaker, a person who is wrong. We discuss this film in great detail and point out all the ways that it could be better, but it isn't because it sucks. 

Speaking of sucking, next up Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 13 - Captain America: Civil War

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You've been waiting all year for this, and it is here. In what is the gold standard of Super Hero films right there with The Dark Knight, Captain America: Civil War. Adapting the hugely popular Civil War storyline from the comics, this film pits two heroes, Captain America and Tony Stark against one another in an ideological battle for the ages. Who's right who is wrong, you decide. This film will likely get mentioned in nearly every episode following this, yes it is that good. Also introduced in this movie, mother fucking Spider-Man, and Black Panther who is also cool I guess. So sit back and enjoy this recap of Captain America: Civil War.

Tab and Tim Watch - Big Trouble in Little China

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Welcome friends to the first Movie Commentary of January. This month we're sitting down to watch Kurt Russel in Big Trouble in Little China. Join us as we find out will Kim Catrall blink out her green contact lenses? How many gross comparisons can we make about the aged Lo Pan? Is Mr. Miyagi in this film or is it all in Tab's imagination?

Thanks you once again for supporting HWIDG you make the show possible with your generous support.

Most of all don't forget to go submit your pick for next month's movie commentary! 

What's Wrong with Spaaace? - Episode 2

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We're growing the beard and sitting down to talk about Season 2 of Star Trek TNG. Where is Doctor Crusher? Should Kathrine Pulaski be kicked out an airlock? Is Data a person? And just how long do you think it took Riker to bang every chick on board the Klingon ship? All these questions and more will be addressed as we ask, What's Wrong with Spaaace?

Minisode 14 - Art Vandelay, Hellchitect

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Thank you patrons, and please enjoy this the final Minisode of 2018. It's all because of you our amazing fans. This month we're talking about these measly annoyances.

- Changing Your Pocket Layout
- Overstretching
- Haircuts
- Door Knocks in Commercials

You've got the handful of things you carry every day and chances are, you put those things in the same pocket every time. What happens when you wear weird pants, get an injury and can't access a pocket, or start carrying something new? You have to rearrange and your whole world is upside down. This is why I carry everything on a spring loaded mechanism up my sleeve.

You're getting into your Mid-20s and your dreams of becoming Mr. Fantastic have started to fade, but maybe if you work a little bit at a time you can still make it. Well you're wrong because that little bit extra you tried to reach, it's fucked your whole week fam. Get ready for soreness, and limited motion, maybe next time get off your lazy ass instead.

Hair, it's always growing and unless you want to look like Cousin It you have to constantly have it maintenanced, and they can never get it just the way you like it. It's always slightly too short, or they want to put some weird shit in it you don't use. Then you have to worst part, the small talk. What do you do, any plans for new years, seeing anyone. "Listen Mom, just cut my fuckin' hair in silence and we can talk about this shit at dinner."

Knock knock, Who's there? Fuckin' nobody! But your dogs don't know that, they're all hyped up and ready to bark the mailman to death. Thanks Pizza Hut I really appreciate this cacophony you've brought upon me.

All that plus a new enemy tries to breach the sanctum of the studio. Thank you again for supporting us and if you haven't already be sure to join the Discord. 

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 12 - Ant Man

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Join me once again while we talk about Earth's Tiniest Hero. Feel the adventure and excitement as criminal with a conscience Paul Rudd teams up with an old haggard Michael Douglas to take on less funny and evil Paul Rudd. In what might be the most lack luster end to an MCU Phase in the 2 we've seen so far, this movie is a laugh a minute.

Coming Soon: Captain America Civil War