Episode 92 - BOOMSHAKALAKA

Howdy folks and welcome to the 26th Annual HWIDG High School Talent Show Extravaganza! First, a few announcements. Whoever drives a white Subaru, you left you lights on, don’t get up though, I went ahead and smashed them with a baseball bat for you, okay? Next, is there a Leslie Johnson in the house? Okay. Ms. Johnson, Logan would like to let you know he’s backstage and he made an accident. That’s Logan Johnson. Backstage. Poop in the pants. Okay, lastly, I’d like to say screw all of you, I’d rather be home drinking my aged bourbon, but I’ve got to do it here instead. Here’s your hosts for tonight:

- Madden
- Netflix
- Two Lane Roads
- Wearing Shoes without Socks

Do people buy the new model of their car every year? Trade in their 2017 Honda Civic for a cool $1,000 towards the 2018 one? No, cause that would be stupid. Car technology doesn’t advance that fast. You’re basically paying for the same car again. So why in the world do people do it for Madden? It’s not even fun. EA’s got the exclusive NFL license in perpetuity so they can’t be assed to make it better, and other developers can’t touch the NFL with a ten foot pole. So they make the same game every year, just add a roster update and maybe a slight physics tweak, and make a cool couple million. You want to make some REAL money? Bring back the arcade-y sports games like Street, Jam, and Blitz. They’re more accessible and way more fun to play. You can tell because of big head mode. Any game with Big Head Mode is automatically better.

Look Netflix, you’re popular, I understand. But it’s not cause you’re the prettiest girl at the ball, or the hunky quarterback with a heart of gold. No, you’re the nerdy business school kid that deals Adderall. You got people hooked, and now you’re rich, congratulations. But guess what, you’re not bettering yourself. You keep dyeing your hair thinking it’ll make you cool, but no one cares. You keep changing your formula and pissing people off. But they need you. They keep coming back. So you don’t care. But you better start. Because your suppliers are getting wind of your attitude. And they seem to be cutting ties.

Any method of transportation that requires you to merge into oncoming traffic to pass the person in front of you, is poorly thought out. Just because Old Man Jenkins wouldn’t sell off the 30 feet of his farm next to the road, I’ve got to play chicken and my odds aren’t great. Even then, two lanes each way is almost equally infuriating. It’s like walking down the sidewalk, and there’s a couple in front of you, walking slowly holding hands, taking up as much space as possible. They deserve a push into traffic, just like those cars deserve an action movie scene. The villain is driving a tank down the city street? Oh no! Oh, YES.

Hey, if you’re wearing shoes, wear socks. It’s easy. Ya nasty.

All this and more on this week’s episode. Including voicemails! Which movie won this month’s voting? And even more surprises! Visit the PATREON to support us monetarily, and the DISCORD to support us emotionally.