Shhhhhhhhh. Quiet. Joe, bring the camera over here. Okay, so we're here in the thick of the jungle. It's hot, it's humid, but, we've just spotted a wild episode of Here's What I Dont Get. Now, you don't see these too often, they usually keep to themselves, but every now and then they come out to hunt for issues. Looks like that's what this guy is doing. Tracking, hunting, providing for his family. Let's watch as he sneaks up on these issues:
- The Inconvenience of Home Repair
- Downplaying Important Life Events
- Stall Callers
I learned two things from watching the show Home Improvement when I was younger. One, Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the epitome of teen heartthrob hotness, and two, home repair is a scary, dangerous art that must only be wielded by the learned masters of it. The movement of large furniture to where it does not belong, and the ability to create impassable barriers to whole sections of houses are just two of the many feats these masters must learn and hone. "I am startled to discover each day the myriad of fears that rule my reality. One by one I challenge myself to face them so they do not materialize as damage to my physical side." - Tim Allen on the physical manifestation of fear, 2005.
Life is full of choices. Sometimes the ones you make can lead to unique and interesting events that change who you are fundamentally, but not everyone can see that. You explain to someone what you've been through, and they sound about as enthused as they would be at a doctor's visit. But as soon as you announce a marriage or a baby (you know, those things just about everyone eventually does) they're over the moon. Jesus lady, I hope you can muster up some semblance of emotion at my funeral at least. How about my death, is that an important enough life event for you? "Somehow I feel life is prepping us for the next phase of this energy field. So death must be and remain a surprise." -Tim Allen on the afterlife, 2008.
Public restrooms. A necessary evil. We all know what they're meant for, and we all know that they're used for things that aren't that. Drugs, sex, and casual phone calls just to name a few. Why you would you do any of those where dozens of strangers a day poop, I have no idea. I don't want to smell any of that and I don't want to hear it. If I could just have my sense of smell and hearing blocked off when I enter a public restroom, that would be great. "The creator does not have eyes, nose, ears, mouth or hands. The creator cannot see, smell, hear, taste or touch. These five senses are the five slits we peer out from to define a reality we can digest. The senses are for sure limitations pressed upon us. What then we use to describe the way our source is or is not? We, by nature need a frame of reference to define. And for a concept so large as this, nothing serves. So by what translation is it I sense it, feel it and want to be near it? More to the point, why am I not equipped to naturally connect with it? Let's do this if we can by moving past 'original sin' as the culprit." - Tim Allen on senses, 2009
Ice. Nature's Zojirushi. Makes your warm drink cold, kinda. Makes your cold soda watered down. It clumps together and falls onto your face when you go to drink. Luckily, most drinks are kept refrigerated, so unless you really like your drinks near frozen, you don't really need it. So please don't turn my big soda into a portal of crushed ice from the fourth dimension. "I so often wonder how it 'looks' at the quantum level. I suspect the look is not applicable. I hope to do a movie that explores the 4th dimension..what would that look like?" - Tim Allen on the quantum world, 2005
Plus we talk about internet genies, bean dip, weird sex dungeon bathrooms, and (try to) listen to your (mostly unintelligible) voicemails. Don't forget to check out the Discord and Patreon! And, yes, these are all actual quotes from Tim Allen on his forum called Tim Allen’s Idea Exchange.