Episode 71 - The Candy Situation

Sup, brahs. Welcome to this week's totally slammin' ep of Here's What I Don't Get! We hope you dudes and she-dudes are having a mondo cool time riding some waves and chowin' down on some gnarly McBurgertrons. Stay tubular as we give you the shimmy on these issues that throw out some bad vibes for us:

-Filing Your Own Taxes
-Aisle Blockers
-Form Over Function
-Phone Call Paralysis

Ben Franklin said that nothing in this world is certain except for death and taxes. Well, he's dead and I wish I was because I owe a bunch of taxes, so I guess he was right. At the very least we can take solace in the fact that we get to file online and not have to deal with the paperwork. I aspire to one day have my own accountant, so he can do my taxes, and blow his brains out over them instead.

Hey, do you need some pasta? Too bad, Hilda and her brat have their shopping cart sideways in the aisle, blocking all traffic. Personally, I'd chance the vehicular manslaughter charge to run full speed into their cart with my own. It's like bowling, except you're the ball, and the pins are idiots that take up whole aisles with their carts. I just want some peanut butter, lady, and I will turn you into Target-red paste to get it.

Sleek. Sounds like a nice word, right? Wrong. It's code. Code for "lacks features you would need or want so that it can be skinny", much like a supermodel. If something is sleek, chances are it's got a proprietary charging cable, or an irreplaceable battery. It looks nice, but it doesn't do much. Give me something rugged with a full feature set instead.

You've got an important phone call to make. Oh but it's almost 5, you don't wanna call them on the way out of the office, you'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes around, and you put it off all day, maybe the next day. You call, finally, but it's the third Friday of the month, and no one answers. Welp, you gave it the ol college try. Finally, your bill is overdue and they call you. "That's weird, I called you guys like 5 times, no one answered." Smooth move, dude. They totally believe you.

All that and more on this week's episode, including your voicemails, and some voting updates! Don't forget to visit the Patreon to vote for next month's commentary and join the Discord!