Episode 97 - The Oil Man (feat. Allan from Not For Human Consumption)

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1458 A.D. China. The warlords of Peking are locked in battle as they have been for the last three years. The spoils being fought for? A book. A tome containing the secrets of the legendary fighting style known as Here’s What I Don’t Get. To the North, the Empire of Tab and its ferocious warriors with their ‘rage’ style. To the South, General Tim and his crew of soldiers that he purposefully starves until they reach their breaking point, to harness the ‘Handlebreaker’ energy. For the last three years they have gone back and forth, trading victories, until now. A third party arrives. A pirate crew, led by Captain Allan from the distant land of Not For Human Consumption have their eyes on the mythical book. And they will do anything to get their hands on it, including:

* Bad Scheduling
* Beer Shaming
* Spoofing

Employees are not cogs in a machine. Yet time and time again, it seems that everyone has horror stories about getting screwed over by their work schedule. Being made to work extra late, then back the next day at 8 AM sharp with nothing to do. Planning a day off, then getting a call “strongly suggesting” you cover someone’s shift. Why does this happen? I’ll tell you why. Revenge. The same people that plan your schedule and then mess it up have been wronged. Severely. They’ve gone through the worst schedules you can think of, and they have nothing in their life worth living for other than your misery. Or they’re just d-holes. What’s a manly man’s drink? It’s not whiskey, or rye, or a craft microbrew. It’s whatever he’s holding in his hand. Unless you have some mutant superpower to taste every single molecule that comes across your tongue, for the most part, the varieties of alcohol all taste the same. They’re just there to get you drunk anyways, who cares what it is. If someone likes their drinks to actually taste good, let them drink that rainbow of liqueurs. If someone just wants to get drunk on the cheap, that Natty Light is gonna get the job done, no fruit peels or decanters needed. Just drink what you have and shut up.

95% of the average person’s calls these days are telemarketers. Telemarketers with spoofed numbers. And that can cause all kinds of problems. Calls to you from people that called by your number, or telemarketers that immediately flip on the racism switch and call you the n-word dozens of times because you had the audacity to call them a bad person. Tab knows what to do with these people, and its a lot like what happens to the guy in Metallica’s One video. It’s quite terrible, and he knows it, but are they deserving of it? Probably. IF you’ve got any torture suggestions feel free to call in and leave us a voicemail! That and more on this special episode. Check out this month’s movie commentary if you haven’t yet, and suggest something for next month’s commentary too! Join us at DISCORD, or support us on PATREON.