Episode 343 - Silent But Dedlay

Tony is back just in time to plug our episode of Talking about Tapes Reviewing Tomorrow Never Dies. And Tomorrow shouldn't die, but you know what should die?

Universal Studios
Bicyclers 2: Electric Bike Boogaloo

There is a common sentiment these days that the 80s feels like it was 20 years ago, but it is actually 40 years ago. Along with that comes the realization that children don't revere the franchises we grew up with. Out with Back to the Future in with Minions. We've got to head over to Fast and Furious land, it's where Jaws used to be, that old worthless film. As the sewage level of modern media slowly over takes the classics of a bygone era, so does the sewage of theme parks. Soon our beloved ginger Ariel will no longer be in disneyland, replaced by her dyslexic doppelganger.

Bicyclers are the worst of the worst on the smug scale. Now they've been electrified and are up to their worst behaviors at twice the speed. Fortunately being a bicycler isn't a constitutionally protected right, which is why we need common sense bicycle control, like not allowing people over 13 to ride them, and not being allowed to ride them more than 5 miles from your home. You will also be required to wear a kick me sign for 5 days following any bicycle excursion or face severe beatings.

All of that plus news from around the world, and your voicemails!

Episode 342 - Undiagnosed

Tim is live in the Most Dangerous City in a America! His tank is bone dry, but his issues runneth over. We're talking about;

- ADHD Content
- "We" Projects

Everyone is so hyped about being neurodivergent these days, it only makes sense that content be made specifically for those people. The internet being what it is though, it doesn't stay in its niche corner. Like a Blob it expands and consumes every feed it touches. Oh look a train!

Speaking of trains, we've all had the metaphorical train run on us by co-workers or spouses coming up with a project to work on, that is actually just a job for you. Don't insult my intelligence please, just say you want me to do a thing, don't try to con me into working together.

All of that plus news of the weird, and your voicemails!

Episode 341 - Morbid Glee

Buck and Chaco have taken the reigns while Tab is out of town. They're doing better than the last time thankfully and they're talking about...

Reciprocal Review Systems Celebrating Needless Death

The social credit system we have now is even more dystopian than the government enforced one in West Taiwan. At least there you know it exists, here we've been tricked into just giving everyone a pass for the sake of playing nice. We've all heard that story from a friend about a creepy uber driver, or a terrible airbnb experience, only for the person to still give 5 stars because "Don't want to be that person." Who does that help? The earliest I remember is Ebay and "keeping that 5 star rating" it was supposed to mean good customer service, instead it ended up just everyone has 4.9 stars because I don't want to be a dick.

When a criminal dies all the conservicucks come out to the comment sections to talk about how, "I'd totally do the same thing." "Stand your ground." "These colors don't run." instead of pausing for 15 seconds to contemplate the loss of another human life through unfortunate circumstances. And we all do it, that schadenfreude is a natural human element. The internet has just perverted and distorted it into a horrible cancer that is killing our humanity.

All of that plus some voicemails about the latest over the top film franchise, mandatory overtime, and the best type of news... none!

Episode 340 - The Hard Sell

Buck is back this week, and by some miracle of dead soldiers we were able to record in the early afternoon instead of 8 in the morning. Praise the lord of death and globohomo!

- Poorly Timed Relief
- Enlisting in 2023
- Timeshare Peddlers

It seems to me that every time I get a really good solution to a problem, it just goes away naturally robbing me of the satisfaction of fixing it myself, and leaving me only with the blue balls of inadequacy. I get so good at harassing telemarketers that they just start hanging up right away. Where is the fun there?

US Military enlistment is at an all time low, and of course it is. There is nothing to offer you except ridicule and likely death. After wasting the entire lives of the class of 2023 in the world's litter box the middle east, and showing that it all amounted to  a big case of JACK... SQUAT!!! Why would they be interested in doing that? 

Touristy places are flush with ways to literally throw money into a shredder every way you look. Perhaps no greater waste of money exists though than the Timeshare scheme. You see you pay a boatload of money to have access to a place for one, inconvenient, week a year and now all of your vacations have to be to that spot or it was a waste of money! Somehow people didn't learn this though, and you can waste a whole afternoon hearing about an amazing vacation package! Just so you can see some wax figures of dead celebrities.

All of that plus, Thankful Buck, Tab gets more memorabilia, and how you can sh!t the bed to a skinnier you!

Episode 339 - Short Sighted

El Chaco is back this week for a record breaking episode. We're all fired up and talking about;

- Cities
- Cultures that Don't Plant Trees

City folk would have you thinking that life is amazing being in a little pod a bus ride away from work. It's not cities are awful. Rural Wyoming has never been on the top 100 dangerous places to live in the US, however St. Louis was just found to be the Most Dangerous City in the US, We're Numbah One!! So while you're being bled dry with taxes of all forms, none of which get allocated properly, the city will do literally nothing for you. Thanks, I hate it!

Speaking of the Cities and the dwellers within, there is a real problem on the planet. We live in a culture that doesn't plant trees. Sure we talk about sustainability, and how we're killing the earth, but the proposed solutions are all knee jerk cockamamie schemes to steal money from the poor. Boomers spent a lifetime creating bond issues, and debt ceilings, so that they could live in their perfect world and not sacrifice one thing to get there. No my kids are going to pay for it! I need social security instead of making smart investments. So here we live in a land with 0 shade. Thanks, I hate it!

All of that plus, a slip of the tongue on TV, Monkey Pox on the rise during pride month, and FISH NEWS!

Episode 338 - Stay Outta Mah Swamp

Tim is back from another month on the road. He's sweaty, his knees are weak, his eyes are wide, and he's raging about

Swamps
Things not for the User

Why did people think living in swamps was a good idea? What pioneer felt the humid hellscapes of Florida and South Carolina and thought, "This is where I build my destiny!" Now generations later, meth head upon meth head has failed to leave and we need to do a conference out in America's Taint, Tampa Florida. Thank you so much.

More and more these days it is clear the things around us are not meant for us. A justice system that doesn't protect the law abiding, cars with features that don't benefit the driver like the annoying sounds Teslas make, shipping companies that won't let you make any changes to your delivery. Most of all though, education. Education sucks, and it should have become abundantly clear to most parents just how awful teachers are during the scamdemic. If you somehow missed it though, just scroll through literally any social media platform and see video after video of teachers talking about what wretched twats they all are.

All of that plus a news off, Tab loses his train of thought, and Andy has some clarifications on why Boomers need to face mass arrests.

Episode 337 - Speedrunning Your Roots

Welcome back HWIDGents and ladies, Tony is back this week and he's disavowing a storm especially,

- Rushed Origin Stories
- The Writer's Strike

Where did Indy get his Hat? Where did Han get his gun? Where did Jack Sparrow get his compass? Where did Superman get his glasses? Who could possibly care about the answers to these questions? If it were important it would have evolved out of the story naturally, but often in an effort to explain things we didn't need explained, they will jam every life shaping moment about a character into a 15 minute montage of stupid plot contrivances and conveniences for absolutely no reason at all. Why do they do this, because the writers are dumb.

Speaking of dumb writers, they're all boycotting work, boy I thought that was what they did every day! Based on the quality of entertainment for the last ten years would we really lose anything if hollywood shut down for a year or forever? Between foreign entertainment, and the massive back catalog of TV and Movies from the last 100 years I think we can all find something to watch. Not to mention the advent of small creators creating content far more compelling that your late night TV hosts monolog. I think we'd be better off with the current batch of writers going out and learning to code, and we can bring in some non-union writers who actually care about the properties they write for a shot. Let's call it 20 years to flatten the curve.

All of that plus did Tony leave his families Mario Celebration Dinner in the woods? Does a having a short bed on your truck make you gay? And what classic american documentary series inspired Tab's new Tattoo? The answer... May Shock You!

Episode 336 - Is Theft

Welcome back HWIDG fans, it's sunrise and buck is on his way down, Tab is on his way up, and they're both working on problematic terminology, incorporating more of it into their daily vernaculars. You know stuff like...

- People Who Don't Warn About Speed Traps
- Thinking Taxes Work

In this world of Defund the Police, the best way to defund them is to stop the constant highway robbery that is speeding fines. Not by going the speed limit, which as we've covered before is not about safety at all, but by warning oncoming drivers that there is a piece of garbage pig around this corner waiting to steal from you for the "crime" of going 5 miles faster than the crown has decreed. Yet there are NPCs out there who whole heartedly believe that you getting fined a few hundred dollars for inconveniencing literally no-one is somehow justice. We need another amendment to the constitution protecting our right to drive as fast as we desire. Remember my thin blue line friends, there is no law that a cop won't enforce against you.

Speaking of highway robbery, you'd think after all the money stolen out of my paycheck, stolen from my purchasing power, and then stolen from me for riding my motorcycle the way Sammy Hagar would want, that I would be riding on the smoothest most amazing streets on the planet. Everyone tells me that if we didn't have government we wouldn't have roads, yet somehow government can't even do a simple thing like make a road that doesn't look like a 15 year old anime fan that eats tubs of fried chicken. Driving in a car it's a lot less noticeable than when you ride, my daily commute has me weaving back and forth in the lanes to dodge potholes, weird humps where concrete and asphalt meet, and the occasional manhole cover. Where is that money going, and more importantly, why am I paying any of it?

All that plus we play a special version of the match game, player four calls in, and Uncle Buck can't read text messages.

Episode 335 - Trust Me

El Chaco is back this week, we're riding off the WATP/TDS Philly high, and we're talking shop about those that ruin your days.

- Expert Liars
- Women in the Workforce

In 2020 it became clear that most of those around us aren't good honest people. They are at best NPCs devoid of anything but the current programming they've been fed, at worst though they are an assortment of paths, and isms that all add up to one thing, destroying your life. People like this feel nothing about lying to your face, and unfortunately many of them are in positions of power where they can destroy your lives.

WWII really put us in a bind for labor and suddenly women were working. 80 years later and the employment scene is a hellscape the likes of which couldn't have been imagined by our grandparents. Hoflation is rampant, the family has collapsed, and worst of all, every company has some obnoxious HR department breathing down your neck about nonsense. Where's the objection to how women are over represented in that department?

All that plus the last rando voicemail, flying cows, and Tony blows another live show!

Episode 334 - Pod Are These Whocasts

Here it is HWIDG fans the biggest episode of the year, we've got all 5 co-hosts in one mega spite requested episode. We're taking a big dump on podcasters. We did have some technical issues on this one though, somehow a setting got changed and now dynamically inserted ads are all over the episode. Please bear with us as we boomer it out. And be sure to vote on who's podcast issue was best! 

- Audio Issues
- Podfading
- When Your Cohosts Suggests a Bad Episode
- TV Recap Shows
- Poor Archiving
- Advertisements
- Liquidation Stores
- Networks

Podcasting is the ultimate expression of free speech, for less than $50 you can have your voice heard all over the internet. Unfortunately that means that every moron buying a $20 USB mic on amazon think they are the next Joe Rogan. That naivety is forgivable to an extent, but there are big podcasts out there that sound like total garbage, and seemingly nobody else cares.

We've all been hurt by a TV show getting cancelled before a cliff hangar, Heroes just as super people are revealed to the world, Firefly just as it was getting interesting, did the Sliders ever get home, what happened when John Connor went to the future? Yet some of these podcasters will just abandon a show the way you might throw out a tupperware full of leftovers you thought you'd take to lunch 3 months ago.

We've all experienced it. You host a show of some sort and your cohost, comes in with some vague nonsense and you have to take up the slack and talk about it. Now the show isn't as good as it could have been and everyone is upset.

I have favorite TV shows, you have favorite TV shows, but you know what is nobody's favorite TV show? Hearing the weird guy at work describe in vivid detail last night's episode of the Outer Banks, you're 35 dude, and you're acting like this TV show is weird. That and you smell like one of your cats passed on.

Is there anything worse than finding something new and fun, and then learning there is an ocean more of it, only you can't have it because for some reason itunes decided 300 is the cap for most shows on their platform, and everyone else said, "Yep that sounds great." Steve Jobs screwing us again, well at least he's burning in hell with that traitor John McCain.

Who is advertising on podcasts? And more importantly who is buying things because a podcaster read some ad copy. It could only be the absolutely dumbest of the dumb. On the advertising side there is no worse platform for advertising. I literally have a button in the center of my dash that skips forward 30 seconds. I'm worried that I might break it somedays I hammer it with such fervor. Thanks a lot KARL!

One of these issues is not like the other ones. We've really slipped into a dystopian hell, thrifting became so popular, and vintage clothes so trendy that what used to be reserved for poor kids with single parents has inflated into a huge market for hipster cocks strutting around in ill fitting clothes. So since that works, why don't we have people sift through literal garbage with the hope that they may get some chinese made chochkey for dollars less than buying direct on amazon.

In business we're always trying to network, and networks used to be an important thing. There was a homogenization of network content on TV. You can always tell a CBS type show from an ABC type show, because one is awful and the other terrible. What better way to ruin the new medium by applying the old model than a Podcast Network. These networks crop up and it is just some talentless hack trying to trick a few more downloads out of his boring true crime podcast.

All of that plus we got some more voicemails from Mom, the true villain of taxes, and the start of the new beef? Find out on the longest episode of HWIDG to date!

Episode 333 - Framed

Tony calls in from his new set and we're talking about

Cheap Poster Frames
Disposability

It's 2023 shouldn't we be able to quickly and easily frame a poser and expect the frame to last more than 10 minutes? Of course not. All we get any more is trash. Short of spending a worthwhile amount of money, on something you got likely for free, is absurd to an extent. So instead we end up collecting garbage until it becomes worth less than the effort it takes to up keep the trash in our lives. Speaking of trash...

Why is that everything these days is so fleeting. Be it clothes, furniture, electronics, or vehicles it seems that everything is designed to be trash. What isn't soon to be trash is often non-existent, tickets and passes all scanned on a phone, or held in a app. All your favorite series are available on streaming until they are either censored or banned. You live in a world of permanent impermanence, and you'll like it.

All that plus we get some grocery lists, a pizza man, and getting the run around at the bank.

Episode 332 - Eternal Sunshine

Tim is back this week and we've broken out the bloodwine and started shouting about.

- Bliss
- Lack of Codes

These days it seems more and more like everyone around us lives in a self imposed hell worse than death. They hyper focus on the horrors of mankind, and there are legions of miserable people ready to refill the hog trough of misery with new slop every hour. Ejecting yourself from that system will only make your life better. I don't know a single person who is disappointed in themselves for not knowing what's going on in congress.

Our culture lionizes these orders and brotherhoods where men were men and live by a set of rules. One of the most fascinating parts of the John Wick franchise is the High Table over seeing crime and assassins. With all the coins and markers and other mumbo jumbo. Yet in our real world we prefer to live without rules, without consequences, without self restraint. And so we continue the slide into hell.

All that plus Tim brings some spicy news, more wrong numbers, and what movie Hotel did Tim survive?

Episode 331 - Spawn Camping

Watching Loved Ones Die
Disnefication of Animals

Episode 330 - Stop Texting My Daughter

Joel is filling in for Buck this week, and we're talking about some stuff that may get us removed from Youtube, mostly...

- Democracy
- Unprofessional Development

We live in a world of dolts, dummies, and the easily programmed. It is due to this democracy has failed us, even you reading this now. Do you research what you're voting for? Of course not, it's not worth you time. To wade through the cesspool of media obfuscation to get to the truth of a candidate or issue is a full time job in its own. Except instead of getting a paycheck you just walk around with the cognitive dissonance of simultaneously being a smug elitist better than everyone else, but also you're a loser because you're always fighting for the next battle.

Conferences are supposed to be a time for you to network with people in your industry, brush up on the latest developments, and hopefully leave a little better than you arrived. Not anymore, now you just get around and powwow about how miserable your life is because all of the victim points you've accrued. New technology, unimportant, updates to standards and practices, unnecessary, a cash bar every 30 feet, indispensable. 

All that plus Fish News, AI manipulating real humans, and someone leaves us a vaguely threatening voicemail.

Episode 329 - In-don't

Welcome back HWIDG fans and non-fans alike. In order to listen to this episode we need to collect some personal data. First off how would you respond in the following situations?

- Guessing the Killer Too Early
- Recruitment Portals

In whodunits the fun is trying to guess which person commited the crime, that's where they came up with the term. There's a fine balance between making it too clear, and making it too easy. Creating a twist ending by revealing the murderer is a person that we never saw before in the movie who had man hands when he killed Kevin Bacon, but in the finale is a 78 year old woman who weighs 125 soaking wet isn't satisfying. Also unsatisfying, when you figure out it was Colonel Green in the Conservatory, with the craptastic script. Do a better job hollywood.

Employers need employees, people need jobs. What if we created a company where employers listed jobs, people applied for jobs, and we got in the middle and messed the whole thing up beyond recognition. We can do all that petty profiling for you, and for the people applying for jobs, we can flood your inbox full of crappy jobs that don't fit you at all. It's a lose lose win! Because we got out cut.

All of that plus a zebra, what is a chicken nugget, and Tab finally learns how to work an air compressor.

Episode 328 - Ghost B.O.

Tim is back from another whirlwind adventure in the southwest. He's rootin and tootin, and about to take a shot, oh no the target somehow sensed that the shot happened and jumped 20 feet to the right...

- When Bandits Jump 20 Feet
- The Cattle Call
- Premature Praise

We live in a world of empty vessels. People who have nothing happening inside their heads. They need to be herded like animals into chutes and lanes. Meanwhile those of us sitting at greater than 101 are trapped by their hustle and bustle in abject despair at the state of humanity around us. Imagine a world where all the loud speakers and shouting can be over, and dumb questions need not be asked, for the people around you are intelligent beings that can read the colorful sign and understand the information.

Would you rate a restaurant 5 stars after they took your, order without eating the food or even receiving a drink? Would you recommend a mechanic after seeing the sign? The world of internet media these days is much like the slog of news before it. Everything has to happen NOW! No time to wait, those mouth breathers need their content! So let's review a single episode of a series, and give it a stunning thumbs up despite the pile of diarrhea it's wading out of. It is completely mind boggling.

All of that plus song lyrics, and a death bed curse.

Episode 327 - Quid Pro Quo

El Chaco is calling in once again, and it's time to discuss the ongoing war! That's right the War between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew Code Red. So pick your colors and get ready to join the frontlines of

Cultural Vandalism
Mandatory Workplace Harassment Training

We've seen now year after year the slow destruction of our culture. From the homogenization of design, the erasure of certain hair colors in media, and the constant need for reboots and remakes that fly in the face of the original. To the before times, of revisionist architecture and history, manipulated narratives about certain political parties just deciding to be the other party. Our culture has become so embattled that you dare not have your favorite property adapted into a new medium because what comes out the other side is going to closer resemble Seth Brundle before Geena Davis ends his misery.

Workplaces are supposed to be a place of, you guessed it, work. Long ago it was a semi social place, where perhaps you went out for dinner or drinks after work. Maybe you met a person you wanted to get to know better. However in the current state of the world of teaching certain groups they should literally have it all, while other groups need to be supportive, but not too supportive, but also don't retreat because all of those things are bad. Enter HR a bastion of derailing productive people since the first group of worthless individuals got together and said, what if we just made a department for workplace gossip. So here we are sitting in hours long trainings where you learn nothing, but at least they get to deflect any liability when you get reported for complimenting the pretty girl in the next cubicle for literally ANYTHING! (Also not complimenting her.)

All that plus a steal of a deal on prostitutes, fish news, and Andy reads an announcement from yesteryear.

Episode 326 - Don't Grate it in the Grindah

Buck is back in action he's riling up ghosts, ghouls, and demons and he's opening a can of Mountain Dew Code Red on...

Mandatory Overblown Cutesy BS Work Meetings
Entitlement

These days everything is Mandatory, they add that tag onto things as if the everything else at your job is optional. Hey did you do your Mandatory Clocking in on time? What about your Mandatory doing your job? Hey have you had your Mandatory break? No, WE DON'T CARE! What we do care about it pretending your opinion matters to the people thousands of miles away that have no idea what your division actually does. So we're going to waste a ton of productivity to do nothing, it's a good thing we slapped the word Mandatory on this, because if we caught you standing around doing nothing on the clock discussing why your workplace sucks, you'd be fired.

Speaking of getting fired, you are not entitled to a job. There is no basic human right for employment. You're not entitled to the services of others, if I don't want to bake you a cake I don't have to. You're not entitled to my protection. Most importantly though, you're not entitled to my knowledge. Just because I have the answer to a question doesn't mean I have to give it to you, and the more you use and abuse me the less likely you are to receive my favor. It's a lovely notion that we're all in this together and the rising tide rises all ships, but when one group uses your togetherness to claim personal excellence, and when the tide rises they guzzle it down leaving everyone else high and dry. You're not getting a drop from me anymore.

All that plus, new science, wrong numbers, and a new place leak classified secrets.

Episode 325 - One's Trial

Tony is back again this week. He's got a big disney hate boner going and we're talking about.

- Geriatric Action Stars
- Algorithmic Content

These days it seems there's hardly anyone in that 30-80 bracket that is breaking in to new action star roles. No instead we just keep trotting out old men in front of the audience so boomers can feel like their heroes from adulthood are just like them, unwilling to retire and allow younger more competent people to take their places. Indiana Jones saved the world from Nazis until he was 80, why should I retire from my cushy office job where I've lost touch with what the company actually does?

Decades ago media was controlled by a cabal of out of touch Forgotten Generation hacks who only liked what they liked and were unwilling to try something new. Non-existent Nielsen houses where the knob broke off the TV 5 years earlier were the metric used to cancel or promote a TV show. Then the internet came along, and suddenly anyone could make content, and it could reach people who liked that kind of content. A new tube was born, a tube for sending you things you already like. A youtube. The cabal was upset. Rather than taking the L, they weaseled into the corporate structures of the internet, but they wouldn't live forever. No they needed to somehow ruin media for generations to come, and so they created an algorithm. And rather than fight back youtubers just started making content for the algorithm. So now we have millions of videos where people talk on a set about nothing for an hour, and dumber people shovel it into their faces.

All that plus, Seinfeld's Law, a staged reading, and much more!

Episode 324 - Platinum Plus Preferred

Tim is back from the hell of the lone star state and we're talking about,

Loyalty Programs
Fanbaiting

Are you earning points in the app today? What about your loyalty card? Do you want to share your email for coupons and exclusive deals? All of this nonsense to save a buck, to pretend that your miserable experience is somehow heightened from the misery it actually entails. But hey if you earn enough points, maybe next time it will be free.

In this world of cultural deforestation we currently live in it's not enough for talentless hacks like Mindy Kaling to remake beloved franchises. No the original must also be destroyed. They pretend to honor it, they trot out James Cameron to be "involved" with the new Terminator, or they get Bill Murray to sleep walk through a cameo in the latest Ghostbusters. All to get you the fan to get excited and talk about it.

All that plus more knock off voicemailers, Tim reads the news, and Tab inspires the next generation.