Episode 334 - Pod Are These Whocasts

Here it is HWIDG fans the biggest episode of the year, we've got all 5 co-hosts in one mega spite requested episode. We're taking a big dump on podcasters. We did have some technical issues on this one though, somehow a setting got changed and now dynamically inserted ads are all over the episode. Please bear with us as we boomer it out. And be sure to vote on who's podcast issue was best! 

- Audio Issues
- Podfading
- When Your Cohosts Suggests a Bad Episode
- TV Recap Shows
- Poor Archiving
- Advertisements
- Liquidation Stores
- Networks

Podcasting is the ultimate expression of free speech, for less than $50 you can have your voice heard all over the internet. Unfortunately that means that every moron buying a $20 USB mic on amazon think they are the next Joe Rogan. That naivety is forgivable to an extent, but there are big podcasts out there that sound like total garbage, and seemingly nobody else cares.

We've all been hurt by a TV show getting cancelled before a cliff hangar, Heroes just as super people are revealed to the world, Firefly just as it was getting interesting, did the Sliders ever get home, what happened when John Connor went to the future? Yet some of these podcasters will just abandon a show the way you might throw out a tupperware full of leftovers you thought you'd take to lunch 3 months ago.

We've all experienced it. You host a show of some sort and your cohost, comes in with some vague nonsense and you have to take up the slack and talk about it. Now the show isn't as good as it could have been and everyone is upset.

I have favorite TV shows, you have favorite TV shows, but you know what is nobody's favorite TV show? Hearing the weird guy at work describe in vivid detail last night's episode of the Outer Banks, you're 35 dude, and you're acting like this TV show is weird. That and you smell like one of your cats passed on.

Is there anything worse than finding something new and fun, and then learning there is an ocean more of it, only you can't have it because for some reason itunes decided 300 is the cap for most shows on their platform, and everyone else said, "Yep that sounds great." Steve Jobs screwing us again, well at least he's burning in hell with that traitor John McCain.

Who is advertising on podcasts? And more importantly who is buying things because a podcaster read some ad copy. It could only be the absolutely dumbest of the dumb. On the advertising side there is no worse platform for advertising. I literally have a button in the center of my dash that skips forward 30 seconds. I'm worried that I might break it somedays I hammer it with such fervor. Thanks a lot KARL!

One of these issues is not like the other ones. We've really slipped into a dystopian hell, thrifting became so popular, and vintage clothes so trendy that what used to be reserved for poor kids with single parents has inflated into a huge market for hipster cocks strutting around in ill fitting clothes. So since that works, why don't we have people sift through literal garbage with the hope that they may get some chinese made chochkey for dollars less than buying direct on amazon.

In business we're always trying to network, and networks used to be an important thing. There was a homogenization of network content on TV. You can always tell a CBS type show from an ABC type show, because one is awful and the other terrible. What better way to ruin the new medium by applying the old model than a Podcast Network. These networks crop up and it is just some talentless hack trying to trick a few more downloads out of his boring true crime podcast.

All of that plus we got some more voicemails from Mom, the true villain of taxes, and the start of the new beef? Find out on the longest episode of HWIDG to date!

Episode 333 - Framed

Tony calls in from his new set and we're talking about

Cheap Poster Frames
Disposability

It's 2023 shouldn't we be able to quickly and easily frame a poser and expect the frame to last more than 10 minutes? Of course not. All we get any more is trash. Short of spending a worthwhile amount of money, on something you got likely for free, is absurd to an extent. So instead we end up collecting garbage until it becomes worth less than the effort it takes to up keep the trash in our lives. Speaking of trash...

Why is that everything these days is so fleeting. Be it clothes, furniture, electronics, or vehicles it seems that everything is designed to be trash. What isn't soon to be trash is often non-existent, tickets and passes all scanned on a phone, or held in a app. All your favorite series are available on streaming until they are either censored or banned. You live in a world of permanent impermanence, and you'll like it.

All that plus we get some grocery lists, a pizza man, and getting the run around at the bank.

Episode 332 - Eternal Sunshine

Tim is back this week and we've broken out the bloodwine and started shouting about.

- Bliss
- Lack of Codes

These days it seems more and more like everyone around us lives in a self imposed hell worse than death. They hyper focus on the horrors of mankind, and there are legions of miserable people ready to refill the hog trough of misery with new slop every hour. Ejecting yourself from that system will only make your life better. I don't know a single person who is disappointed in themselves for not knowing what's going on in congress.

Our culture lionizes these orders and brotherhoods where men were men and live by a set of rules. One of the most fascinating parts of the John Wick franchise is the High Table over seeing crime and assassins. With all the coins and markers and other mumbo jumbo. Yet in our real world we prefer to live without rules, without consequences, without self restraint. And so we continue the slide into hell.

All that plus Tim brings some spicy news, more wrong numbers, and what movie Hotel did Tim survive?

Episode 331 - Spawn Camping

Watching Loved Ones Die
Disnefication of Animals

Episode 330 - Stop Texting My Daughter

Joel is filling in for Buck this week, and we're talking about some stuff that may get us removed from Youtube, mostly...

- Democracy
- Unprofessional Development

We live in a world of dolts, dummies, and the easily programmed. It is due to this democracy has failed us, even you reading this now. Do you research what you're voting for? Of course not, it's not worth you time. To wade through the cesspool of media obfuscation to get to the truth of a candidate or issue is a full time job in its own. Except instead of getting a paycheck you just walk around with the cognitive dissonance of simultaneously being a smug elitist better than everyone else, but also you're a loser because you're always fighting for the next battle.

Conferences are supposed to be a time for you to network with people in your industry, brush up on the latest developments, and hopefully leave a little better than you arrived. Not anymore, now you just get around and powwow about how miserable your life is because all of the victim points you've accrued. New technology, unimportant, updates to standards and practices, unnecessary, a cash bar every 30 feet, indispensable. 

All that plus Fish News, AI manipulating real humans, and someone leaves us a vaguely threatening voicemail.

Episode 329 - In-don't

Welcome back HWIDG fans and non-fans alike. In order to listen to this episode we need to collect some personal data. First off how would you respond in the following situations?

- Guessing the Killer Too Early
- Recruitment Portals

In whodunits the fun is trying to guess which person commited the crime, that's where they came up with the term. There's a fine balance between making it too clear, and making it too easy. Creating a twist ending by revealing the murderer is a person that we never saw before in the movie who had man hands when he killed Kevin Bacon, but in the finale is a 78 year old woman who weighs 125 soaking wet isn't satisfying. Also unsatisfying, when you figure out it was Colonel Green in the Conservatory, with the craptastic script. Do a better job hollywood.

Employers need employees, people need jobs. What if we created a company where employers listed jobs, people applied for jobs, and we got in the middle and messed the whole thing up beyond recognition. We can do all that petty profiling for you, and for the people applying for jobs, we can flood your inbox full of crappy jobs that don't fit you at all. It's a lose lose win! Because we got out cut.

All of that plus a zebra, what is a chicken nugget, and Tab finally learns how to work an air compressor.

Episode 328 - Ghost B.O.

Tim is back from another whirlwind adventure in the southwest. He's rootin and tootin, and about to take a shot, oh no the target somehow sensed that the shot happened and jumped 20 feet to the right...

- When Bandits Jump 20 Feet
- The Cattle Call
- Premature Praise

We live in a world of empty vessels. People who have nothing happening inside their heads. They need to be herded like animals into chutes and lanes. Meanwhile those of us sitting at greater than 101 are trapped by their hustle and bustle in abject despair at the state of humanity around us. Imagine a world where all the loud speakers and shouting can be over, and dumb questions need not be asked, for the people around you are intelligent beings that can read the colorful sign and understand the information.

Would you rate a restaurant 5 stars after they took your, order without eating the food or even receiving a drink? Would you recommend a mechanic after seeing the sign? The world of internet media these days is much like the slog of news before it. Everything has to happen NOW! No time to wait, those mouth breathers need their content! So let's review a single episode of a series, and give it a stunning thumbs up despite the pile of diarrhea it's wading out of. It is completely mind boggling.

All of that plus song lyrics, and a death bed curse.

Episode 327 - Quid Pro Quo

El Chaco is calling in once again, and it's time to discuss the ongoing war! That's right the War between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew Code Red. So pick your colors and get ready to join the frontlines of

Cultural Vandalism
Mandatory Workplace Harassment Training

We've seen now year after year the slow destruction of our culture. From the homogenization of design, the erasure of certain hair colors in media, and the constant need for reboots and remakes that fly in the face of the original. To the before times, of revisionist architecture and history, manipulated narratives about certain political parties just deciding to be the other party. Our culture has become so embattled that you dare not have your favorite property adapted into a new medium because what comes out the other side is going to closer resemble Seth Brundle before Geena Davis ends his misery.

Workplaces are supposed to be a place of, you guessed it, work. Long ago it was a semi social place, where perhaps you went out for dinner or drinks after work. Maybe you met a person you wanted to get to know better. However in the current state of the world of teaching certain groups they should literally have it all, while other groups need to be supportive, but not too supportive, but also don't retreat because all of those things are bad. Enter HR a bastion of derailing productive people since the first group of worthless individuals got together and said, what if we just made a department for workplace gossip. So here we are sitting in hours long trainings where you learn nothing, but at least they get to deflect any liability when you get reported for complimenting the pretty girl in the next cubicle for literally ANYTHING! (Also not complimenting her.)

All that plus a steal of a deal on prostitutes, fish news, and Andy reads an announcement from yesteryear.

Episode 326 - Don't Grate it in the Grindah

Buck is back in action he's riling up ghosts, ghouls, and demons and he's opening a can of Mountain Dew Code Red on...

Mandatory Overblown Cutesy BS Work Meetings
Entitlement

These days everything is Mandatory, they add that tag onto things as if the everything else at your job is optional. Hey did you do your Mandatory Clocking in on time? What about your Mandatory doing your job? Hey have you had your Mandatory break? No, WE DON'T CARE! What we do care about it pretending your opinion matters to the people thousands of miles away that have no idea what your division actually does. So we're going to waste a ton of productivity to do nothing, it's a good thing we slapped the word Mandatory on this, because if we caught you standing around doing nothing on the clock discussing why your workplace sucks, you'd be fired.

Speaking of getting fired, you are not entitled to a job. There is no basic human right for employment. You're not entitled to the services of others, if I don't want to bake you a cake I don't have to. You're not entitled to my protection. Most importantly though, you're not entitled to my knowledge. Just because I have the answer to a question doesn't mean I have to give it to you, and the more you use and abuse me the less likely you are to receive my favor. It's a lovely notion that we're all in this together and the rising tide rises all ships, but when one group uses your togetherness to claim personal excellence, and when the tide rises they guzzle it down leaving everyone else high and dry. You're not getting a drop from me anymore.

All that plus, new science, wrong numbers, and a new place leak classified secrets.

Episode 325 - One's Trial

Tony is back again this week. He's got a big disney hate boner going and we're talking about.

- Geriatric Action Stars
- Algorithmic Content

These days it seems there's hardly anyone in that 30-80 bracket that is breaking in to new action star roles. No instead we just keep trotting out old men in front of the audience so boomers can feel like their heroes from adulthood are just like them, unwilling to retire and allow younger more competent people to take their places. Indiana Jones saved the world from Nazis until he was 80, why should I retire from my cushy office job where I've lost touch with what the company actually does?

Decades ago media was controlled by a cabal of out of touch Forgotten Generation hacks who only liked what they liked and were unwilling to try something new. Non-existent Nielsen houses where the knob broke off the TV 5 years earlier were the metric used to cancel or promote a TV show. Then the internet came along, and suddenly anyone could make content, and it could reach people who liked that kind of content. A new tube was born, a tube for sending you things you already like. A youtube. The cabal was upset. Rather than taking the L, they weaseled into the corporate structures of the internet, but they wouldn't live forever. No they needed to somehow ruin media for generations to come, and so they created an algorithm. And rather than fight back youtubers just started making content for the algorithm. So now we have millions of videos where people talk on a set about nothing for an hour, and dumber people shovel it into their faces.

All that plus, Seinfeld's Law, a staged reading, and much more!

Episode 324 - Platinum Plus Preferred

Tim is back from the hell of the lone star state and we're talking about,

Loyalty Programs
Fanbaiting

Are you earning points in the app today? What about your loyalty card? Do you want to share your email for coupons and exclusive deals? All of this nonsense to save a buck, to pretend that your miserable experience is somehow heightened from the misery it actually entails. But hey if you earn enough points, maybe next time it will be free.

In this world of cultural deforestation we currently live in it's not enough for talentless hacks like Mindy Kaling to remake beloved franchises. No the original must also be destroyed. They pretend to honor it, they trot out James Cameron to be "involved" with the new Terminator, or they get Bill Murray to sleep walk through a cameo in the latest Ghostbusters. All to get you the fan to get excited and talk about it.

All that plus more knock off voicemailers, Tim reads the news, and Tab inspires the next generation.

Episode 323 - It's All In Your Head

Tab is at the end of his rope this week, so he called in the old guard to cover the episode. Buck and Chaco are back in form for a rip roaring episode that absolutely won’t get us banned from the internet, and they’re talking about

- Brainwave Fuckery
- Mistaken Unprofessionalism

The age of AI has begun and rather than train it to be better, they’re simply training us to be dumber. Now everything around us it seems is programmed to make us conform to the new “standards” from subtly changing our language to triggering mass panic buys of Toilet Paper and now eggs. The signs are every where to make you want to be like the crowd, and while I don’t believe in it, I do believe that the people doing it believe in the devil and are doing it to serve that master.

Often in the workplace a certain group, we’ll call them women, make way more out of something than is necessary. Rather than consider the logical thought of, “I must have typed in the wrong number.” It’s far easier to trash a stranger for their outgoing voice message. Are you dumb, stupid, or dumb? Huh? It’s this same group that when I tell them a person, or a piece of equipment has no business in theatre, they claim a lack of professionalism. If I lacked professionalism I’d call it every curse word I know, and then tell it to go purchase Canadian Healthcare.

All of that plus a new Amnesty, the death of humpday, and a modern retelling of a classic tale.

Episode 322 - Blank Inside

Tim is squeezing us in before he heads to hell itself in San Antonio, so he's ringing us out with what might be his final issue.

Blank Space
Therapy Advocates

Design is like pretty much all artistic works these days, it's design by committee, zero risk, control the flow of info, and lesser than the works that came before. So now we get big blocks of color, or white, for no reason other than to fill space that they can't fill with info. If you get too much info you might start asking questions and if you ask too many questions the Clintons may have something to say to you.

In the American Documentary Series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" they show us a world where a therapist is on the bridge of a major space naval vessel. Namely, they don't blow up enough stuff. The follow up series "Star Trek: Voyager" there is no therapist on the bridge, nay in the ship at all. And on that show they murdered Tuvix like badasses. If only they had the guts to do it to Neelix as well. Oh well.

All that plus the worst McDonald's in the world, voicemail beef continues, and children that can't just shut up while they are at work.

Episode 321 - Eventually Right

Welcome back fans to this extra beefy episode of HWIDG. El Chaco is on the loose and we're talking about some minor annoyances,

Conspiracy Haters
Water Conservationists

A lot of conspiracy theories are bunk, some seem unrealistic but then get proven later, others are obvious truths that we're misled to believe are false. In any case why is it that people hate those who espouse conspiracy theories? If you friend doesn't believe that the moon landing is real, why do you care? Just let them be stupid, if you have a problem with them don't hang out with them anymore. The Truth doesn't need to be defended through censorship, it's like a weed eventually it will find the sunlight through the piles of manure.

And speaking of conspiracies, here's a major one. You a regular human being living in a district serviced by a municipal water authority need to do less laundry, you need to not flush your toilet, you shouldn't have a garden, you need to turn off the water when you wash brush your teeth, and use hand sanitizer instead of washing your hands all the time. There's a drought in Ghana, or some other far away land that man was not meant to live in. The reality is they just want you dead if you won't live in the pod or eat the bugs.

All of that plus someone really saving water by being a stinky cave troll, fooling the Vatican, and your voicemails.

Episode 320 - Save Game

Tab didn't plan well so we threw this episode together last minute. The joke is on us because Streamyard decided it didn't need to record Tab or the Sound Board for the second half of the episode. So instead we've got the processed straight youtube feed to deal with while we complain about...

Unresolved Glitches
Above and Beyond as the Expectation

Fallout 4 was released in 2015, the last update for the game was released in 2016. I guess everything was totally fixed by that point and it's not a glitch infested nightmare. Oh wait it is. How is it that these giant studios keep getting away with this kind of shoddy craftsmanship? If Fallout 4 was a car, on launch day it would have had square tires, a go kart engine, and none of the doors would open properly. A year later you finally have round wheels, and an engine that can drive the car along, but the doors still don't open sometimes. The factory just doesn't care. I hate them and I hope they collapse.

When you go to a massage parlor and they give you an over the pants handy, that deserves a tip. When you go to Patty the Daytime Hooker for an over the pants handy that's literally what you've paid for. Now for this issue I get hyper specific to my circumstances, but we see this all the time. Businesses expect employees to go that extra mile all the time. If you're doing it all the time, it's not an extra mile, it's the expectation. And if you expect it to happen that bases the decisions you make. Sure we can order this amazon package and expect it in less than 2 days, they always go the extra mile. Sure we can rely on Batman and Robin to help stop crime, we still need the regular cops. Then one day it's just Batman and he's running a fascist dictatorship with flying robot Batmans, or Mutant Gangbanger Batmans. Is that what you want?

All that plus someone loses something precious to him, someone gains something precious in a car, and what colorful plastic building block has caused an episode for one of our listeners?

Episode 319 - Observed

Tim is back on the show and we're talking about new year new me, and our resolutions this year are going to blow your mind, things like,

Observed Holidays
Tulsa King

Just because a holiday falls on your normal day off, does that really mean you need to get an extra day? Commerce needs to commence, people have shit to do, and more importantly they need to get away from these damn kids or someone is going to lose a toe! No, you got your day of rest, now get back to work you lazy good for nothing, who do you think you are? Royalty of the Southwest? I don't think so.

Speaking of Southwestern Royalty, Sly Stallone has an all new series where he plays a big thumb man mumbling thumb man sayings. I'm 100% convinced paramount made this show to spite me personally, it's too on the nose, and it's just a mediocre TV show. Everyone in Tulsa gives it a pass because, "It's cool to see a show set here." You're not the hero! The hero is an out of towner doing out of town things! Infuriating.

All that plus a take down of the Mr. Ed Segment, Tim brings the news, and one of our hosts finally hits puberty.

Episode 318 - Scratchers

We've made it through Christmas, Kwanzaa is upon us, and as we run out the clock on 2022 Buck is back for two last issues for the year.

Overstimulation
Eye of the Holidays

For some reason everything these days needs to Light up, Make Noise, Have a Screen, and otherwise be as obnoxious as possible. On top of that there's the horrid swell of humanity that all needs to pack in to every warm spot to be exactly in your way. All of that can lead a Person of Spectrum like Buck and I to feel like it's time to go Falling Down on society. We don't do it though, because we're weak.

It's basically over at this point, but isn't it weird how we have a week every year of basically 0 productivity, yet we require workers to be there just to hold their benefits and job security over them. How many times have you worked a part time, or hourly job during the Christmas season and find that your boss is "On vacation" or at this point "Working remotely" for 5 days, while your miserable ass is driving into work to play on facebook and pretend you just enjoy being there. It's ridiculous, we need to stop demanding work from others we don't want to do ourselves.

All that plus some re-runs of new voicemails, what goes in the bum, and we announce the winner of Pin the Tail on my Neck.

Episode 317 - Happy Secularmas

New introductions are made in this Festivus episode of HWIDG. So grab yourself a bagel, and get ready as we air some grievances in the name of our patron saint, Frank Costanza...

- X-mas
- Kicking Out the Ladder
- Fake AI Movies

While we weren't looking a secular group snuck in during the night and cut the face off of your favorite holiday and taped it onto their soulless cash grab holiday face. Without realizing it you've been manipulated into defending a holiday, that exists to make you feel bad and spend money. Instead of a holiday meant to make you feel joy, and not need to spend thousands of dollars to show people you love them.

Grace is a successful person who uses their success to help assist others. Only a small petty person with little hands and little eyes doing nothing but telling great big lies would use their success to prevent others from doing the same. I think Randy Newman would agree with me when I say, that those people have no reason to live.

More and more these days the internet is just a cesspool of trash. People making things only to troll one another into thinking wrong thoughts. It's sad. That's why you shouldn't believe anything you read or see on the internet, and as AI takes over more and more you can't even believe photographic evidence. I'm guessing by the 2028 Presidential Election we'll be seeing AI created scandal materials to discredit other candidates.

All of that plus too fat to fly, why are Chaco's issues so long, and deep fake Mr. Ed Episodes.

Episode 316 - Long Train Running

Tim is back on the show and we're doing something different this week, it's like an old episode of HWIDG fully stocked. We're coming in hot and talking about

- Holiday Parking
- Jingle Bells
- Fake Snow
- Wednesday

It's that time of year, blow out deals on garbage you don't need and 320 million other Americans wandering around aimlessly in department store after outlet mall. What's the worst part though? The fact that every one of those 320 million Americans seemingly drives 3 cars to every single one of these stores and just leave them there.

Aside for the slanderous implication that Batman smells Jingle Bells are one of the worst plagues to befall man. These obnoxious little devices exist only to destroy the golden silence that should be a basic human right. If you believe hard enough, all of the little balls inside the bells will vanish.

Global warming is real, that's why now we need to use plastics to recreate the snow for boomers to be able to enjoy their shallow corporate consumer holiday. Because how would I enjoy seeing A Christmas Carol for the millionth time if it didn't have small pieces of trash raining from above to make people believe the inside outside is real outside and not a fake outside.

I'm tired, so very tired, of seeing corporate propaganda blasted into my eye holes. Year after year and it never changes. Hollywood churns out some trash, and by hook or by crook now all the "Influencers" need to be part of the culture. The day is coming, when Hollywood can will memes into existence, and when that happens we will be so inundated with advertising that the universe will hopefully collapse.

All that plus Tim reads some news, we adjust the audio levels, and a new beef is born in the voicemails?

Episode 315 - Egg on Your Face

Gabbin about Godzilla Returns! By spite request we spend until 39:48 talking about Shin Godzilla with the one and only Justin Silverman! Tony has nothing to say about the film, but Justin sure does! Then Tab and Tony sit down and talk about...

Dating App Ads
Spotify Wrap Up

You're on the internet trying to wheel some snipers, this one has a beeg a tihdi, that one has a nice smile, the only thing worse than the next one being a fat chick with a neck and chest tattoo is an ad for children's clothes? What the hell am I a fat attention whore with a reboot podcast with the mass of a dwarf star? No I'm an adult man, show me something relevant to my experience, like condoms that will go bad unused in the box, natural male enhancement pills I'll never have the chance to use, or the next big magic the gathering tournament at my local incel hostel.

I get it you like music, you like sharing music, you like people thinking your tastes are unique and interesting. I don't care though, you sat through hours of content you likely don't remember and now I have to see 600 posts of the same vomit of color lists of artists I've never heard of, on a service I never use, and I dread Decembers to come of wrap ups of every useless platform. You watched 300 hours of the office, congrats you have no personality!

All that plus a warning to the Royal Family, a Festivus Miracle, and a recap of the VM Beef 255 episodes in the making!