Episode 282 - Cord Wristcutters — Here's What I Don't Get

Hello HWIDGicans, we have an important announcement to make today. There has been a recent change in leadership, as Elon Musk has acquired the majority of shares in our company. His ruthless coup of our Board of Directors was shameful, and we can only assume blackmail was involved. Some changes to be instated include: mandatory Tesla ownership per host, a switch over to Starlink for internet, and since Mr. Musk is African-American, Tab must now listen to the entirety of Kanye West's discography. We hope these changes won't impact you, the listener, too much and we will be in touch about how we're gonna spend all this money, yo.

- Trojan Whiners
- Being Babied
- Netflix and Chill
- USFL

Remember 300? It's a great tale of men coming together to defend their country against all odds. They hold their defenses strong when thousands of Persians descend on them, they cut through "immortal" warriors, and shrug off volleys of millions of arrows. In the end, they go down fighting, but one soldier is able to tell their tale and rally the troops at home for another round. It's pretty much non-stop action. Because that's entertaining. What's not entertaining would be the sequel where we see all their wives grieving for two and a half hours. Because actions change things. People that whine about everything happening to them but take no action to change their fate are the opposite of the Spartans. Don't not be a Spartan.

Babies suck. You've got to watch them 24/7 just so they don't kill themselves. Don't touch that hot stove. Don't put that fork in the electrical outlet. Don't create a resistance uprising leading to your assassination attempt. You know who's not a baby, and therefore doesn't need to be led by the hand at work? Me. And everyone else. Mostly. Look, there are some fellas working out there that really need guidance. The kind that don't understand why a male-to-male electrical cord is a bad idea, but in a work zone that mostly involves pushing boxes on wheels around? You can pretty much just point to a thing and point to where it needs to go, and it'll get done. No need to baby the guys doing it.

Remember Netflix and Chill? Well, it's going away if Netflix's stock prices are any indication. "How'd they do that?" person who clearly hasn't used Netflix in years asks. Well person, remember when Netflix had movies you wanted to watch? Not anymore! It's Bollywood garbage and straight-to-digital Bruce Willis act 'em ups. Remember liking that Netflix Original Series? Well these days they make so many at such low standards, that's all they have! Remember paying ten bucks and splitting it with three other people? The CEO of Netflix wishes you would get cancer and die you filthy criminal! Netflix turned into the digital version of the Amazon Returns bargain stores that have cropped up recently. You wade through a bunch of garbage that you already have better versions of or can't fathom ever wanting in hopes of finding that one "Cinderalla" item you can take home, or you walk away dejected. Well great, now we have to think of another euphemism for casual sex. How about HBOMax & Chillax? Or Tubi & Boobie. Or Disney Plus & Cunnilingus. Or Crunchyroll & Punchy-hole.

Remember what the XFL promised? A brand new football league that was tired of RULES and 5 HOUR GAMES, no they wanted X-TREME FOOTBALL to be the new norm. And believe you me, I wanted it too. In my mind I imagined spikes on shoulder pads, flaming goalposts, boost and jump pads, the ultimate football videogame that never was. But alas, it was just the NFL with slightly changed rules. So when I found out about the recently launched USFL I questioned why it exists. The XFL is coming back, and we know it'll be just as milquetoast as it was the first time around. And they want to be EXTREME! So this is just another league, with tiny differences in rulings so that football addicts can get another round in after the NFL finishes their season.

All this and more on this week's fast and furious episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.