Episode 242 - Alien Swill
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On this week's episode of HWIDG, we'd like to apologize for any audio snafus there might be, but just remember we're just a couple of dudes. We're not one of these big podcasts backed by a global media company. Those kinds of podcasts have like 5 producers and 3 editors to catch all of that. So if there aren't any audio problems, praise us, because we're just as good as these big name podcasts that absolutely don't have any problems whatsoever.
- Alien Covenant
- Non-Alcoholic Whiskey
- Live Chat
- Web of Lies
Ah, the Alien movies. Is there another series that spans such a gamut of quality? Maybe, but I can't think of one right now because the awfulness of Alien: Covenant is still living rent-free in my mind, days later. It's a lot like a Karen. She wants to be vegetarian, but still eat BBQ. Alien Covenant wants you to care about its characters but does nothing with them and hires charisma-less actors to portray them. It wants you to marvel at the new cool aliens, but then takes the practical effects they did on set and paints over them with CGI. It wants you to believe that these people are scientists on an alien planet, but they don't bother to wear any protective suits! Just say 'NO' to Alien: Covenant.
Who is non-alcoholic whiskey for? Why it's for losers with poor self-esteem! That's right! Don't drink but still go out to bars and parties where people pressure you like you're a Sophomore in high school, and you feel bad about it? Boy do I have the product for you. Just sign this form that registers you as a Spirit Offender and we'll be on our way. In two to four weeks you should receive your first shipment of Swill™! What is Swill™? Well, we ventured into a remote mountain in the Galapagos and found a tribe of natives that had never had alcohol before. So we took their local toilets and rinsed them out, then bottled that rinse water! It's perfect on the rocks, in a cocktail, or buried with you deep in the ground where no other person can have it!
Imagine if you will, a sports bar. Imagine all the folks watching the big game that night. Now take their thoughts and shouts of excitement and mix them in with the thoughts and shouts of excitement of approximately a dozen deranged hobos. Pop them up in chronological order and that's what its like watching the live chat on YouTube or Twitch, or anything streaming. You've got your garden variety trolls, your obligatory scam spammers, the crazy people that think the people they're watching are their best friends, and your lonely "show feet plz" troglodytes. They invented the "Hide Chat" button for a reason. Use it.
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. That's what Stevie Nicks said. Well Stevie, how about you stay over there in Lie Land with Todd Howard and the Government and leave us alone. We're called Truthers and we want to know the truth. Can it be hard to accept? Yes. But it's like pulling off that band-aid. The longer it sticks, the more it's gonna hurt. And eventually? Well it's not a band-aid, it's a scab. The kind that is just ready to heal and you might as well be peeling off skin when you get rid of it. "I never want to do that again" kind of pain.
All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!
