Episode 138 - My Bodypillow Will Protect Me (ft. Ethan Dudenhoeffer)

Welcome to the Here's What I Don't Get Area 51 Betting Special! In just two months, millions of Americans will do their civic duty in disclosing information and objects found at Area 51. We here at HWIDG understand that many do not have the opportunity or time to attend this specific gathering, so we are offering you our state-of-the-art betting services where you can bet on just what exactly is or isn't found on the base. We've got our most popular bets: the Roswell category including bets on odds of finding ship parts, the whole ship, and extraterrestrial lifeforms themselves! Then we have our 'research archives' bet where you can bet on chem-trails, Bigfoot, advanced AI systems, and making anime girls real. Or, if you're a big spender you can bet it all on black! That's right, we've got a special HIGH-ROLLER ONLY, VIP, DEAD CELEBRITY ISLAND BETTING POOL. Elvis, Tupac, MJ, Hitler, Jimmy Hoffa and more are available to be bet on and in multiple states. Cuba celebrity hideout? Alien abduction? Good old fashioned CIA Faked death? Featuring odds as low as 1:1,678,930 you stand to make so much money, you'll be shipped off to Cuba yourself! So join us, as we take your calls and cash and bet on what we find at Area 51! Personally, my own bet is on:

*  Not Adapting the Source Material
*  Back to School
*  Thin Towels and Socks
*  Recycling 

Look, seeing your beloved fantasy novel or science fiction series come to life before your eyes can be a magical thing. Will you be 100% satisfied? Absolutely not, but if it's done well it can be another way to relive the first time you stepped into that world. That is, if they even decide to get there in the first place. See, in this day and age of adaptation, the figureheads that make these deals are convinced that people need to see something they've never seen before? Doing Lord of the Rings again? Well, shove the crap that Peter Jackson didn't use right back in there. Turn Star Trek into an action movie series? Sure! I bet when it comes the time for Amazon/Warner/Hulu/Disney/Netflix to do Harry Potter, we'll get The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: How James and Lily Met, or The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Young Dumbledore Smokes Jazz Cigarettes and Canoodles with Sailors.

IT'S JULY, BUT I GUESS AS SOON AS THOSE FIREWORKS ARE OFF THE SHELVES IT'S TIME TO GO BACK KIDS. SCHOOL IS WAITING TO TURN YOU INTO A DRONE. They really can't wait. These 10c Paw Patrol folders won't sell themselves. Except guess what, THEY WILL. Elementary school kids are the only ones still excited about school supplies, but even then, you're stealing their summer. Reminding them of school doesn't make them "make the most" out of their time, it just reminds them of the impending doom. It's like your mortality. Most of the time it's in the back of your head, forgotten. But then something reminds you of it and you realize "Damn, I'm already past the 1/3rd mark, and that's under the best circumstances, well better get this will drawn up now". 

Day ruining. That's how bad the surprise of a thin towel is. A towel should be a luxurious end to a shower. Fluffy, warming, and smooth-to-the-touch, even the manliest lumberjack of a man will tell you how good a proper towel is after a shower. Same with socks. No one wants a paper-thin sock, because why even bother at that point. You want the sock to cradle your foot gently, while wicking away moisture in the heat and keeping your toes warm in the winter. A thin sock is like a condom with holes in it. It fails at what the rest of its kind's one function, and otherwise serves no purpose except to that one pervert that it's made for.

There's something called analysis paralysis, it's when "overanalyzing or overthinking a situation can cause forward motion or decision-making to become "paralyzed," meaning that no solution or course of action is decided upon. A situation may be deemed as too complicated and a decision is never made, due to the fear that a potentially larger problem may arise". When you put out recycling bins for: non-recyclable (except food waste), compost, paper, glass, aluminum, cardboard, plastic (bottles only), other plastic, liquids, electronics, batteries, printer ink cartridges, grill refuse and hot ashes, spoiled food, chicken wings with only one bite taken, burned books, and failed election signage IT'S TOO MUCH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOES WHERE SO SCREW IT IT'S ALL TRASH.

All this and more on this week's aerodynamic episode! Voicemails, an in-studio guest, and a taste-test! Don't forget to help us plan our Area 51 attack on DISCORD, and support our pre-attack ninja training by supporting us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.