Episode 150 - RPG Talk (feat. Mandi Weems)
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Welcome to a very somber episode of Here's What I Don't Get. Usually we're boisterous and jolly, but after the events of this weekend it's hard to find any light in this dark world of ours. Usually we don't get political, but we feel in this case we must. It's time for our government to finally do something about this problem plaguing our nation. The founding fathers could not have seen how advanced the technology would become, and in their days it took many times longer just for one use. It's time that we outlaw clowns. Clowns are currently the number one killers of Americans, and it seems that we have a new clown everyday. The mass Joker cosplays and Halloween costumes are a garish sight that represent the worst of our country's cries of 'Freedom'. If you need to be a clown to be free, I don't know that we should have freedom. Please, call you local legislators and let them know you've had enough of clowns and:
* Too Soon Biopics
* Video Games Causing Violence
* Witches
Coming to theaters Summer 2021, it's Broken Handles: A True Story. Based on episode 134 of the world famous Here's What I Don't Get podcast, follow the origins of Tim the Handlebreaker and who he was before the first handle. Absolutely not a quick cash grab and actually an artistic endeavor, here's the story of a man with plenty of life left. With absolutely no time passage to have society look back on, and definitely no scandals to come out and ruin his image, it's the perfect time to tell the story of someone still in the limelight. Buy tickets now, or purchase a deluxe ticket for 149.99 to receive a year's subscription to Breaking Handles the Magazine and a plush recreation of The First Handle. All proceeds benefit the "Tim's PC Upgrade Fund".
Video games cause violence. It's that cut and dry. We didn't have guns until Call of Duty created them and then we made them in real life. We discovered blood when Sub-Zero first ripped out Raiden's spinal column. Prostitutes weren't treated like pieces of meat until Claude backed over them in Liberty City. Dragons didn't rule the world until Alduin's AI self-manifested itself into a living being. And most importantly, Mario is the reason the government mandated daily mushroom usage and we pivoted from driver-less cars to Yoshis.
Double, double, toil and trouble! Fire burn and cauldron bubble! Is it a witch? No! It's a pot of stew made by a regular non-magical human, because witchcraft isn't real. Energy crystals are as real as dilithium ones, your broomstick is as fast as mine, and there's a lot of black cats around. Pouring saltpeter into a bunch of circles and lines doesn't do anything, and no, nothing special happens when the planets align. Until you can summon a little imp to do your bidding and brew a potion of firebreathing, you're not a witch. Though, feel free to keep dressing like one because that's pretty hot.
All this and more on this creepy episode! Voicemails, Star Trek talk, and of course our thoughts and prayers for this weekend's victims. Don't forget to join us on DISCORD and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.
