Episode 112 - Wiper Scams

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Ray Finkle here reporting on Day 67 of the HWIDG shutdown. Tab still refuses to budge on his wall issue. As you know, he is demanding a wall between the hosts. He still claims it will keep the "bad dudes" away from his "handles". In the other side of the debate is Tim, who is a proponent for the freedom of handlebreakers everywhere. He insists a wall would be useless, and that handlebreakers would find a way through even if the wall was established. But what about the people on the sidelines? Like HWIDG worker Todd. Without a podcast he's been forced back into a life of writing avant-garde ska punk albums about:

People Putting Stuff On Your Car
Nostalgia Pandering
Non-Powered Tools

Don't you hate it when you're at the store, you come out to your car, and some jerk has painted a Frazetta-esque death wizard riding a dracolich into battle on your otherwise pristine 1996 Ford Windstar? What gall. You know, there's plenty of other ways for you to advertise your business. Just don't go slapping your stuff on my car. Once I got back in to my car just to find an entire furry blacklight rave going on. Now, I won't say I didn't join in, but c'mon, leave my car alone, people!

It's a little strange how we've begun to describe people in terms that are not untrue but bleakly straightforward. Influencers. Consumers. Content creators. As if we are machines in the Matrix. CONTENT CREATOR 1402773-B HAS BEEN FOUND WORTHY OF PROMOTION. CONSUMER RECURRENCE RATE GREATER THAN 67 PERCENT  NOTED. CONTENT CREATOR 1402773-B, MATRIX DELEGATION "XxxSonicChronic69xxX" HAS BEEN PROMOTED TO INFLUENCER 451811. BEGIN MONETARY FUNCTION CODENAME "KICKBACK". 

Remember this?! From your childhood?! We brought it back! Did the reboot flop?! Don't worry we've got all the old merch back again! And in 5 years we'll try again! You stupid, stupid sheep! You even know we're cashing in on your childhood memories but your tiny little brains are hell-bent on snatching up every little tchotchke we put out! Consumers! CONSUME! See you in 10 years when your kid is watching the 6th Thundercats reboot, the new Harry Potter TV show, and the Lord of the Rings remakes and you have to hatewatch all of them.

It's 2020 dammit. Why don't I have a little drone that follows me around and can spot weld exactly where I want? I want a screwdriver that doesn't even have a handle. Place it on a screw and let it do the work in half a second. Companies have put most the R&D for their power tools into their own custom pieces, bits, and batteries. But if we standardized at least the batteries, we could start making smarter, safer tools. Or you can hire some Mexicans I guess.

All this and more on this week's episode! 2/3 of us are sick, so look forward to that! We've got voicemails, news, a challenge(?), and some movies to vote on. Join us on DISCORD to catch our colds or support us on PATREON!