Episode 95 - The Shane Black Awards

One elite squad of soldiers. One deadly jungle. One suicide mission. One alien stalker. This fall be the first to see Hereswhatidontgetator. Action. Drama. Comedy. No kids. This movie has it all! Join legendary action hero Harold Schwartzenheimer as Tab "Butch" Birt sent with his squad on the mission of a lifetime. But his shady CIA buddy Handlebreaker comes along and has other plans for Butch and his crew. Then it all goes to hell as a bright red lobster alien starts picking them off one by one. Also starring:

-80s Reboots/Revivals
-The 5G Push
-Not Adapting
-Incomplete News

80s reboots. Who are they for? They're not for the old fans, I'll tell you that. Thats what the revivals are for. The same cast 30 years later? Wouldn’t that be so interesting? No. It really wouldn’t. So, the reboots? Who are they for? Well, they’re for the person that has heard the name of the show in passing, but didn’t really watch it when it was on. Because, none of these reboots understand what made the originals good (or at least made them what they were). It’s all studio driven. It’s not a writer who is a devoted fan of the property and wants to put their spin on it. No, it’s the studio’s idea, they hire a “good” writer whether or not they understand the IP, and the hire a show runner and producers and all that all based on their previous works and resume. AND THEY ALL END UP AS PROCEDURAL COP SHOWS ANYWAYS. There are things about your phone that you know that the general public should not know. You know what 3G, 4G and LTE are? You know what Gorilla Glass is? Well you shouldn’t. But every now and then they pluck something out of phone technology and give it a fancy name and market it to you. To prove the rising costs are worth it. 3G comes out, changes the game. 4G comes out, it’s faster yay! LTE comes out, “what is it?” “We’ll just call it data, how bout that”. LTE was how it should’ve been all along, increase speeds and open up bandwidth as you can incrementally. Don’t tell the public, they don’t care unless “faster”. Of course now 5G is muscling its way in, even though LTE was supposed to last us. And in a few years, we’ll have 6G. I bet my left nut on it.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. Thank you Bear Grylls meme. Now can we get that picture hanging in every room in every building in every city in the world? Change is hard, it’s tough. But your life is going to be a confusing and disappointing Shane Black-esque mess if you don’t adapt. Someone cancels on you? Adapt. Stay in, order a pizza and play some games. Find out your friend is a flat-earther? Adapt. Adapt your fist to their face. Car won’t start on your way to work? Adapt. Call an Uber. Get in the Uber. Make them drive to some secluded lot. Kill them. Assume their identity. Ta-da you have a new car and a new job. You go, girl! Is meteorology an actual science? Can it be classified as one? I honestly don’t know, because sometimes I’d be better off getting my weather from the Miss Cleo hotline. What do the Jamaican voodoo magics say about rain tomorrow? Dey say “don’t listen to dem bumbaclot news anchors, day only want ya TV views”. And they would be absolutely right. The 24/7 news cycle has driven “BREAKING” news to the forefront, turning it into what is basically posting “First!” on the internet. No substance. A selfish drive to be “first on the scene”. Hey, how ‘bout you be “good at your job” instead. All this plus more on this alien hunter filled episode. Seriously. There’s a lot of it. Don’t forget to vote for next month’s commentary! Join us at DISCORD, or maybe support us over at PATREON.