Be sure to fill out all of the appropriate forms, because today we're not stepping on Snek as our heroes bring in the following issues:
- The Anti-Rape Device
- The Bechdel Test
Alright, everybody drop whatever it is you're doing and start cleaning up! We're having an audit, and you're going to be the recipient of a few curve ball questions that you had no way to prepare for! Audits are the corporate world's way of reminding you that you work for them and not the other way around. They send around some pencil pusher with a god complex to give everything and everyone the white glove test, and if you're found wanting, the tongue clucks of disapproval can be deafening to the ears and devastating to the yearly bonus. It's bad enough that you're being checked up on for the regular stuff, but what's even worse is when your corporate-appointed tormentor can't find anything to nail you on, so they start making up stuff on the spot. We've never mentioned this regulation before? "Well, you should have been omniscient enough to see the future, because I'm holding you fully accountable for this arbitrary technicality." I remember the days when auditors just wanted to make sure you were sweeping and picking up your area, but Tab feels like there's something even worse than litter on the floor . . .
As products vie to become more convenient, there's always one aspect that's left out of the design: disposal. Wrappers, bottles, cans, boxes, some form of packaging is involved in every product you consume, and that package has to go somewhere. Where will you put it? If you're a half-way decent human being, you'll put it in some form of garbage collection receptacle. If you're an inconsiderate nincompoop, you'll just drop it on the ground, like a horse taking a dump, and leave it for someone else to sweep up. One would think that, what with all of the decades of campaigns against littering, that we'd finally have something resembling a handle on this. Guess not. So, I guess that guy in the commercial (you know, the one dressed up as a Native American) still sheds those tears of sorrow as your plastic bottle blows around in the wind, like a twenty-ounce rapist. But, as bad as that is, there's another type of rape that's even worse . . .
Rape is terrible. Point blank. Full stop. End of discussion. But, in addition to teaching men not to rape (and, really, who thinks that anyone disagrees with this point?) we should also help potential victims learn to avoid dangerous situations, or if needs be, defend themselves. But, whereas common sense tells us that it's best to stop the rape before it can begin, some folks prefer to allow the rape to happen, and then spring a "gotcha" on the rapist. Never mind that, in this moment, the victim is still going to be horribly traumatized by the attack. Never mind that an attacker who has control over his victim will still have control after the "gotcha" has struck home, and may choose to escalate the attack from rape to murder. Never mind that the victim could have been provided with the means to prevent the attacker from ever getting close enough to make physical contact. We've got a wierd, nonsensical idea to push out to the world to show how compassionate we are. That's what the Rapex anti-rape device is. It's a contraption that requires the rapist to SUCCEED IN PENETRATING HIS VICTIM before it accomplishes anything. And since penetrating an unwilling victim already requires a certain level of dominance and control, you've just made the attacker even more angry at his victim. Good job. You'd think that feminists would want to prevent the attack from happening in the first place (thus actually preventing a woman from becoming a rape victim), but no. It's more important to them that a man get's pricked in his penis. That's how you know that feminism is only interested in harming men rather than actually helping women. It makes no sense. And speaking of feminist ideas that make no sense . . .
You know what every movie needs? A scene shoehorned in that fits some arbitrary standard of inclusion. Everything these days is about inclusion. So, when they say that your script isn't inclusive unless it contains two women, who are given names in the script, who are having a conversation that isn't about a man, you know you're being told to dance for the puppet masters. The Bechdel Test is just that; an excuse for those who want to control you to give you instructions and then dare you to disobey them. It's a chance for one group of people to look down their nose at anyone who doesn't bow down and worship the golden idol. What's that? This arbitrary conversation doesn't occur in your movie because of some legit reason (such as THE SCENE MAKES NO SENSE OR DOESN'T ADVANCE THE PLOT!? INTO THE FIERY FURNACE WITH YOU!) But even when a movie passes the Bechdel test, does that make it inclusive? Does that necessarily indicate that the film is the paradigm of female empowerment? Take a look at the list of movies that pass the test and decide for yourself if any of them might be frowned upon by feminists.
Buck warns us to mind our feet in multiple tones, and folks chime in with voicemails about last week's issues. Who's been e-mailing Tab? You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!