Episode 34 - The REAL Here's What I Don't Get
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Ladies and gentlemen, let your beefs begin! We've discovered that there's another podcast out there calling itself Here's What I Don't Get, and in true HWIDG fashion, instead of a polite e-mail inviting them to change their name, Uncle Buck has gone off half-cocked with his hat and shades on. But what's their show like? What are the issues that they discuss? Do they talk about issues like
- The Hallmark Channel
- Weather men
- Using Your Kids for Virtue Signaling
- Updates
This episode is posting in the middle of July, which means it's only a few days more until they start putting up Christmas decorations. And with the impending holiday seasons, everyone's minds turn to things like fall festivals, thanksgiving, Christmas parades, and the holiday spirit. The "holiday spirit", as it turns out, is a corporate invention designed to sell decorations, presents, and greeting cards. From Hallmark. But with Man-Net infringing upon their market, they had to branch out into another lucrative revenue stream: entertainment. But is the Hallmark channel really entertaining? No. No it isn't. There's no witty joke or even room for discussion. It's just drivel. Mindless, bland, effortless drivel. Hallmark movies are the television equivalent of flour and water mixed into a dough without any levening, binding agents, or spices, and then baked until it dries into a flavorless clump that isn't so much bread as it is dried dough. It's technically edible, and if there literally nothing else to consume, you'll consume it, but it's a chore to eat and leaves you feeling dried out and miserable. That's the Hallmark channel. But, if there's nothing else on and you don't want to watch the Hallmark channel, what else is there? The weather channel, you say? Well, about that . . .
There are lots of jobs out that that essentially boil down to "step in front of a camera and lie". One of those jobs is being a tv weather man. You may or may not have a degree in meteorology, and you may have enough radar domes to supply radar jerk-off material for all of your meteorologist friends, but what you don't have is the ability to predict the weather with 100% accuracy. What you do have is a rapidly waning commercial and societal relevance. Nobody really watches actual tv anymore; we're all watching Netflix, Hulu, Youtube, or the insides of our eyelids, but by and large traditional tv stations are going the way of the buffalo. And if you're a weather man, Tab doesn't even trust you to tell him whether or not that buffalo is going to get rained on, or sucked up into a tornado. Furthermore, he's *really* annoyed when you bump his favorite show for a pointless tornado watch for three counties over. Stop that. Now you're just flashing that horrible "alert" noise to get attention and show how important you are. That's called "virtue signaling", and while that's bad enough, there's another type of virtue signaling that's even worse . . .
I like to crack jokes with these write-ups, but this legitimately ticks me off. Stop doing horrible, life-altering things to your kids like raising them specifically to be degenerate, or pumping them full of hormones to show how accepting and tolerant you are. Stop using your kids to virtue signal. I'm not one for passing laws to tell people what to do, but I have a soft spot for kids, and when you take your five or six year old kid and start pumping them full of hormones to prove a point, I think you should go to prison. Not the county jail, but federal prison. In the worst cell block, where they stuff you in a corner with all the crazies and assume they won't have to worry about feeding you breakfast the following morning. From giving your kid a dumb name to telling your teenage son that you're ashamed of him for being born male (which was your fault, by the way; nice job), using your kids to show the world how progressive you are is exactly what tells me you're the worst type of human being alive. And, as I type this and boil over with rage, I kinda think maybe "alive" is exactly what you shouldn't be. But, feelings change, and maybe, just maybe, by next week my opinion will have been updated. Speaking of which . . .
It's increasingly popular to have a "smart" this and a "smart" that. From phones to watches to televisions to refrigerators, everything has to have a computer and a bunch of apps slapped on it. But what happens when the devices that you use on a daily basis have to go through daily updates? How about when you need to make that emergency phone call and your OS is in the middle of a ten minute reboot because it's updating? What then? I hope you weren't calling 911, or trying to explain to your boss that you're a couple minutes behind but you'll definitely make it to work. If you are, you're boned. All because the jerks that made the software got about 75% of the way finished and said "Yeah, that's good enough. We'll finish the rest later." There was a time when you bought a thing, turned it on, and just used it, but now you have to update a product AS SOON AS YOU BUY IT, which is absurd! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare some edits to this write-up so I can update it in the middle of you reading it.
Andy calls in, with his windows up this time, and Sage tells us what he doesn't get. We had a VERY special 10 word list come in during the news segment this week. Who were they from, who were they to, and what did they say? You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!
(Tab mentions a video during the episode. Here's the link. https://youtu.be/49WDCIaD0ck
