Do svidaniya, comrade! Welcome to glorious H.W.I.D.G Podcast. You will be liking to hear General Birtov and Podpolkovnik Timor discussion on all glorious presents gifted by Supreme Leader. All talkings are approved by NKVD, so no having worryings about treason! This week, comrades discussing having much healthy food to eat, Supreme Leader's glorious givings of long winter, joys of joining in public punishments of traitorous peoples, and favorite color red. Please write letter to comrades to have own praise of Supreme Leader reading on show! Also, please no more writings ask about disgraced Zvukorezhisser Tod, he has being flogged and exiled last month. Glory to Supreme Leader!
Store Layout Changes
Power. No one man should have all of it. But the moment anyone gets any, they use it like a scalpel to excise the happiness in your life. These downtrodden boomers get a modicum of control and immediately establish the nation of Screwyousistan. And the moment you cross the border, you're under their tyrannic rule. No sleeping past 6 AM. CAUSE I'M OLD! No noise of laughter and happiness outside. CAUSE I'M OLD! Everyone must smell like Ben Gay. CAUSE I DO. CAUSE I'M OLD!
The greeters in stores should hand you a blueprint when you walk in. This would help since it seems like every week they change where stuff is for no reason. Not that it matters cause soon enough all shopping will be done through Amazon. You'll fill up your grocery cart at home, and some drone will shop aisle by aisle, throwing food into boxes, and in 30 minutes your order will be delivered to your home. You'll unbox it with your Amazon brand safety knife, and place it all in your Amazon Alexa Fridge and Amazon Alexa Pantry. This way the store never changes!
Florida! Swamps, drugs, old people, and partying teens. It's the closest thing we have to Mad Max or The Purge. Did you know you can just buy tigers in Florida? Like, you can just go to Walmart, and go to the Tiger aisle and buy a Tiger. It's next to the face-eating drugs and the food-to-use-as-assault-weapons-then-as-sex-toys. Not only that, but every store has the regular checkout counters and then the express lane, which is just a hallway to outside and into a squad car. Plus, every conviction comes with a 50% off coupon for your next tattoo!
"Dammit, Trevors! We're never going to catch this killer! He never leaves any trace!" "Actually, I, Hackerman, have just found something. See this? It's his MyFace page where he posts all of his manifestos. If we take his profile picture and put it into our Unix GUI, voila! That's the EXIF data for the phone he took the picture with. Now, if I plug his phone's IMEI number into this Playstation 2, and I get to level 6 in SSX Tricky, we should be able to get his GPS coordinates. A-ha! There it is. He's on the corner of 57th and Christopher, in the Walter Heights apartments. Room 23B, currently in the kitchen making a glass of chocolate milk. If you guys hurry you might be able to grab him before he finishes it."