Listen up gang, here’s how it’s gonna go down. Rafael’s got a boosted ride he’ll pick us up in, and JJ’s got the masks. We’ll meet up with them and our inside man 2 blocks away from the HWIDG offices. We’ve got body armor and pieces for everyone, so it should be real easy-like. We charge in, steal this week’s episode of the podcast, and get out. But, you, Junior, you’ve got the most important job. You’ve gotta be on the lookout for these issues:
* Back Pain
* Interview Questions
* Online Resume Shenanigans and Cover Letters
* Data Breaches
Billy here, the inside man. Sorry this job’s been put off for so long, but I twisted something in my back at work. Luckily I had some sick days I could use, but man has it been bad laying in bed all day. I could barely move! I’d rather’ve taken a bullet like Tony did on the last job. I couldn’t barely walk or nothin. Forget picking something up off the ground or even sneezing. Anyways, I’m good to go now, and I’ve got the security clearance to the vault. I’ll need some help though, I’m still a little sore. Hey JJ, tell ‘em that story.
I’d rather not, Billy. Whatever. Ok, so it was me and Billy, both going in to interview for the spot they had open. I told boss not to send me, that I’d screw up, and boy did I. They were asking’ me all types of weird questions. Like, “Why do you want to work here?” Bitch, I’m trying to get in to rob the place, what do you want me to say? She was putting me on the spot, and I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I says “I need to get paid.” Yeah I know, real stupid. But it’s the truth! Don’t they want me to be truthful? Wouldn’t you want a truthful employee over one that lies to get the job? That wasn’t even the worst part though.
Worse than that was their online application. Whoo boy. You’d think you upload your resume and check a few boxes, but no, they want you to upload your resume, and then type it out again just to get their rocks off. Then they asked me a bunch of questions about teamwork and morality. And if you want to stand out at all, you’ve gotta write a cover letter. And all that is is bragging about how good you are while begging for the job at the same time. I dunno man, I just wanna steal this stuff and be over with it. That’s how all this stuff makes me feel.
Alright ladies, enough chit-chat. Here’s the setup. Our original goal was to steal the new, unreleased episode of the HWIDG podcast, BUT we found something even better. In their system they have all this data. Phone numbers of people that have called in, their names, where they work, hell they even have the credit card numbers of all their “patrons”. So, using Billy’s access we grab all the data and sell it to the Russians. But, when it gets out that these guys have data that people willingly gave them, be prepared for the shitstorm. So we gotta lay low.
Do this clean, folks. The payout’s worth it. I hear they announce what the next movie commentary is. Some are saying the voicemails are extra weird this week too, but we can’t verify that. Remember to keep the scanner on so we can monitor all transmissions LINK. Let’s do it.