Episode 85 - New Vegas Statues

You've won! An all-expenses paid getaway to HWIDG Island! Enjoy the tropical beaches, where the sand is filled with broken glass and used needles, and the water is definitely not infested with mutant sharks. Rest in one of our many resort hotels, complete with scummy pools and even scummier sheets. Savor the local cuisine, including such dishes as:
* Minimalism
* 40 Hours
* Waking Up
* New Math

Let me tell you about minimalism. Minimalism is about maximizing the usage of your space to be the most boring affluent person possible. These minimalists think that less is more, and they're right. The less you have, the more boring you are. I've lived in small rooms and small houses and guess what, it's not fun or cute, it sucks, and these people want to pay out the ass to do so. Screw you.

The coveted Mon-Fri 9 to 5 job. It has created the 40 hour work week, and with it the office drone. All the actual work is done, you want to go home, but there's 4 hours left and you "have" to be there. Why? You're tired, bored, and not actually working. Salaried workers leave the second they hit 40 hours, and hourly workers are trying every trick in the book to get whatever time they can over 40. Seems to me things would be a lot better if you just let the people work what they want.

Speaking of working when you want, why I gotta wake up at the crack of dawn to do non-time sensitive work? Why does the whole store have to open so early? Most people are AT THEIR JOBS, WE CAN'T SELL THEM ANYTHING. You're a pizza place, why the hell are you closing at 8? Let your workers sleep in, no one's ordering pizza before 11. You know what, it's all old people's fault. They're up before dawn and asleep by 7 or 8, and they're the ones that run everything.

What is 2+2? If you answered “I don’t know, 7?” congratulations! You’re ready to be inducted into an elite group of people known as MASK, or Modern American School Kids. Apparently math is now subjective and filled with guesswork. My guess is that it’s a ploy by big business to screw you out of more money because you can’t figure out how much you should be making on your own. Either that or they’re cautiously optimistic about aliens visiting us and giving us technology that changes our perspective of all laws of science as we know them. Both sound equally probable.

Plus more on this lean, mean issue grilling machine of an episode. Including voicemails, a look at this month’s movie suggestions, and a brand new episode of Here’s What I Don’t Eat! Remember to visit the Discord and Patreon!