Episode 48 - Diversified Flow


Sick of the same old 'round and round'?  Ready for things to go down - straight down?  Well then you'd better join us or get off the pot as we pinch off the following issues:

-Diversified Construction
-Low Flow Toilets
-Fake Fall
-People Nosing Into Your Business

It can be argued that progress is a good thing.  Advances in tech and technique have increased supply, convenience, and longevity, but at what cost?  What is the price of progress?  Leonard H. Courtney (and Admiral Geoffrey Tolwyn) has said that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance, but what is the price of progress?  The price of progress is eternal construction.  From roads to buildings to machines, every update and upgrade must be built, and it's always inconvenient when you're already running a little late and you spot a line of traffic originating at a guy in an orange vest holding a stop sign.  But to further complicate matters, deep pockets tend to have a side-compartment specially designed for holding hubris, and instead of focusing on one project at a time, many projects are going simultaneously.  Now, take something large, like a city, county, or state government, which has a difficult time focusing on any one thing at a time and finishing it competently, and divide that attention up among several different projects, the labor of which has been hired out to a multitude of different private contractors.  Now throw in budgets and weather.  The result?  Bedlam.  Chaos.  A type-and-shadow of the post apocalyptic wasteland that threatens us all with every passing day.  The days grow dark, the water runs red with North Carolina red clay which has leached into the rusted pipes, the food trucks are late to the stores, creating a shortage, and traffic flow comes to a halt!  And speaking of flow coming to a halt . . .

Another type of progress is renovation.  Such as home renovation.  Like, say, a little touch-up in the bathroom.  Happened to Buck recently.  Part of bathroom renovations can be a new toilet.  We're definitely fans of That Larry Show, where the biggest motto is "Take No Shit", but there's a type of toilet on the market that takes that phrase too literally: Low Flow Toilets.  And while taking no proverbial shit is fine, taking no literal shit is a horrible design flaw in a toilet.  The premise of flushing a toilet is that water enters the bowl and creates kindof a swirling motions, and all turd-shaped objects in the bowl begin to swirl, and in the process, one end of the proceedings follows the swirling flow downwards into the exit hole and, as the ancient Middle Eastern saying goes "Once the head of the camel has entered the tent, the rest will follow".  But what happens when there's not enough water to create that whirlpool?  What happens when the water is just sucked downwards directly with no swirl?  Your excrement just falls straight down and lays across the hole, like a disgusting bridge from one side of a porcelain canyon to the other.  It doesn't plunge into the depths of whatever sewage management system you have, it just falls.  And speaking of just fall . . .

It's a common trope in North Carolina, and this week Buck learns that it also happens in Oklahoma: fake Fall.  There's a certain time of year in which we expect the summer heat to gently give way to cooler days, changing leaves, crisp air, and the smell of wood fire smoke drifting across the increasingly early sunset.  But that's not always how it happens.  Sometimes, summer feigns surrender, but comes back with a vengeance.  Sometimes you don't get Fall at all.  Sometimes you just get Summer, double Summer, and then Winter.  So if you're someone like Tab who really relishes the Fall season, that sucks.  In the past few years, there have been people who have blamed this phenomenon on the boogey man buzzword "Climate Change", but is it really?  Do you really need to be preached to by someone who wants to use double Summer as an excuse to increase your taxes, or force you to install an "environmentally friendly" low flow toilet?  These people don't pine for a cleaner environment; they just want to use any excuse to pass legislation to control you.  They want your money, they want your adulation, and they want to use government regulation to cripple your small business.  And speaking of your business . . .

They say opinions are like assholes; everybody has one.  I think that noses are more relevant.  Everyone has a nose, and everyone seems to be intent on sticking that nose into your business.  Noses are like probes.  Probes designed to violate your privacy and sniff out your secrets.  The point of a secret is that nobody knows it, so this creates an immediate conflict.  There are several reasons why people butt into your business.  Sometimes, they actually care about you and have a legitimate concern, but that's RARELY the real reason.  More often than not, it's either some form of virtue signalling, or failing that, it's curiosity stemming from boredom in their own life and the need to seek out new drama in new situations, so boldly nose where no one has nosed before.  They're like a science vessel of gossip, on a five year mission to explore the final frontier of your goings on.  A voyager, if you will, into your endeavors and enterprises.  They're defiantly poking into your deep space to make a discovery.  And that's the trouble with people nosing into your business.

Stove sends in a fantastic voicemail, and we dub the pseudo-sage with his official new name; Sagecucks.  Who got profiled in a retail store?  You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!

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