Welcome to the American Podcast Museum! Now if you follow me I can show you our newest entry in the Historically Relevant wing, this is the Here's What I Don't Get Podcast. Mostly a comedy show, this show featured a slew of hosts talking about what things in life bothered them. But one crucial episode, number 121, was a turning point for the show. It featured then host Tim the Handlebreaker opening the show, acting as if his co-host Tab Birt had left the show for a comedic bit. Now what we only found out within the last few years is that he had in fact murdered his co-host and kept producing episodes using words and phrases spliced together from other episodes. You can hear more about this on our new season of Podcasticide on our website. Alright, now who wants to see our section about:
* Overcomplicated Restaurant Menus
* Closed Economies
* Error Codes
* No Buttons
Welcome to Chez Longue! I’ll be your waiter, Bertrand. Here’s your menu sir. If you turn to page 36 you’ll find our specials. And here is our wine menu. Here is our cocktail menu. Our kid’s menu for the young one. Our breakfast menu. Our healthy dining menu. Our desserts menu, and a copy of Atlas Shrugged. What can I get you to drink? No, I’m afraid we don’t have Coke or Pepsi, we only carry locally made small-batch drinks, if you give me about 10 minutes I can bring you the list of them, they’re etched on stone tablets. Okay! Take as much time as you need, pillows and blankets are on your right.
Closed economies AKA extortion. We won’t let you bring any food or water in here, so you have no option other than to buy our overpriced food because….. we said so? Whether it’s an airport TGI Fridays, or a lemonade stand at Busch Gardens, expect to bay at least double the money just so you can stay alive. That’s right! No fancy water fountains here, just 4.99 12 oz bottles of Dasani! Want a turkey leg? Pay up brother, or The Mouse will stick ya.
Error 404. We all know this one. But what about the others? At least a BSOD will tell you what happened. I’m talking about the nonsensical ones. Playing Destiny 2 and your game crashes or won’t connect to the server? Well, then maybe you’ve got error code ‘Chicken’, ‘Mulberry’, or ‘Weasel’. What do they mean? We won’t tell you. Google it. Why? Because we hate you. We give you less and less information year after year, and you praise us for it. ERROR CODE: NONSENSICAL ERROR, OR WORSE, MEME-Y FUNNY ONE. Oh noooo looks like Discord pooped his diaper, hold on while we get a fresh one on! Jump off a cliff.
The feel of mechanical parts intermingling together, hot plastic on plastic actuator action. The crisp click of a button. I’ve pressed hundreds of them writing this up. Sure, I could’ve used a flat, shiny surface that read where my fingers were, but where’s the fun in that? Turns out electronics companies just don’t like fun. No appreciation for that satisfying click or a nice knob feel. Here’s a suggestion, I will feel all of your knobs if you just start putting buttons back on things. But I guess you’re too busy putting ads on my remotes I guess.