Episode 57 - No Return

One year leads to another, so grab those 2017 calendars and burn them for warmth while you listen to our thoughts on the following issues:
- Cars w/o Phone Holders
- Places Open on Christmas Day that Don't Need to Be
- No/Poor Return Policies
- Family Photos

Odds are, some of you will listen to this podcast from your phone, in your car. Perhaps on your way home from a long day at the factory, or from the city dump where you planted all your neighbor's furniture that you stole. Either way, you're probably using your phone to do so. And where do you put it? Cup holder? Center console? Have you maybe rigged up an elaborate system of pulleys? However you do it, the onus shouldn't be on you if you're driving a recent model car. I think the manufacturers know that the phone companies secretly use flux capacitors to make our phones so smart, and the second someone spills a cola on a phone connected to an official Ford phone mount, the car will automatically produce a holodisc copy of 2025's Back to the Future 5.

You know, on my way back from the city dump after a fight with my neighbors a nice Christmas party the other day, I stopped by a bookstore, a mattress store, and a Wendy's to grab some last minute gifts. To my surprise, none of those places were open! Well, that didn't stop me and I still got what I needed, but the officers that ILLEGALLY DETAINED ME said that I couldn't and that I was on PCP! I told them that this was America, and that capitalism doesn't stop for NUTHIN, not even Jesus' yearly bris. Why weren't these stores open?! I had to wait a whole day to buy my step-sister a $5 Wendy's gift card after she bailed me out. If only there was an alternate world where this didn't happen......

Did everyone get exactly what they wanted for Christmas this year? Of course not. You probably got some way-too-small pants, and yet another copy of C.H.U.D on VHS. You'd better hope that those are returnable, otherwise, like my step-sister you're going to have to make a trip to the pawn shop and sell them for bail money. Or maybe you'll try craigslist like I did and get roped into making a snuff film. You see Amazon third party sellers? Do you see now what you have done?! You killed the Weinbachs. You did this.

Ah, the Weinbachs. They were such a nice family. The thing that stuck out to me while casing their house was the giant family photo on their living room mantle. I can only imagine the hours of pain they endured trying to get that coordinated. Honestly, their gruesome murders paled in comparison to the torture that is taking family photos. Look forward to digging out your own family photos in a few years when you stumble across them, and look forward to finding the Weinbachs when some labrador stumbles across them.

We also listen to a few voicemails this week and catch up on some issue votes (which totally aren't rigged, by the way). Well, that wraps up 2017 for us here at HWIDG. Thanks everyone for listening, watching, and pledging. We look forward to bringing you an even better 2018 filled with more issues than you can shake a fist at! Don't forget to join our Discord.