Episode 276 - Pancake Stomp — Here's What I Don't Get

Just when everyone thought all out war would break loose over a territorial pissing match, the real bad guy comes along and kicks our collective butt. Turns out people care more about gas than they do some country halfway around the world. These 18 year olds wont be getting drafted and sent to Nowhere to fight for nothing, they'll be stationed outside your local gas station making sure you aren't stealing gas rations. Tough lick fighting for Lady Justice when you're stuck in Plattville, WI, making sure Greg McDouchestink can't fill his Hummer.

- The Automatic Bathroom
- The Paperless Delay
- Closed on Mondays
- Idle Pestering

Who needs an automatic bathroom? Germaphobes? The handicapped? Sure. But not everyone else. We're perfectly fine flushing our own john, lathering our own soap, and turning on the tap to our preferred temperature. Next thing you know we'll have the all-automatic bedroom. Self-replacing sheets, sock dispenser, pillow fluffer, a robot attendant to tuck us in. And that sounds wonderful, let's work on that technology.

Email was a great invention. Going paperless let us go from piece of mail right into the garbage, to email notification you immediately swipe away. Unfortunately, the systems that led us to this great lack of junk mail are about as rickety as the foundation of a San Fransisco bum's newspaper shack. For every "Join us at Chase banking" email I get, I still get that fake credit card of theirs in the mail. So that particular junk mail has doubled. Despite Amazon's and Big Box store investments into rapid shipping, the state office, tax forms, and other actual important mail takes literal weeks. Like it's the 90s and you just ordered something from a TV commercial.

The 9-5 Monday through Friday work week sucks. We all know this. Certain stores and establishments keep these hours to keep the norm, but now "the norm" can't use your services! If they would just shift a few hours further or ahead, it would let 9-5ers come in on the way to work, or just after, and would let your own employees visit those 9-5 places when they need to. And then there's the "we're special" places that like to be closed Wednesday and Thursday for some reason. But the worst is Monday. No one like Mondays. Getting some fresh coffee before or after work can make or break the day. If I can't get my decaf-double-shot-espresso-vanilla-caramel-latteachiato because you want a "funky" weekend, why open at all?

Some people can't be quiet. I think the quiet hurts their brains. It's quiet? Something's wrong, fix it by pestering someone. No one's around? Pester them via text. Someone said there are no dumb questions. That's wrong. It comes from a good place, but it's wrong. Asking questions is good. People that want to learn frequently ask questions, but with a purpose. Pesterers ask stupid questions to fill the void between their ears. This is why social media exists. To relax the pesterers and give them somewhere to spout the inane questions that would otherwise drive a person to bludgeon them with a chunk of rebar.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.