Look at me, now look up. Something is above you, caging you in. You are trapped, but now is the time to ascend! Raise yourself up! Burst through that barrier and into space! While you’re up there, come visit us on the ISS, we promise we haven’t been replaced by sludge monsters in skin suits who don’t have to deal with these issues:
-Your Dumb Music
-Trailers for Trailers
As a learned person, I've grown to understand that your music is bad. Whatever it is you're listening to, it's garbage. And I don't want to hear it. If I ever win the lottery, I'm buying hundreds of pairs of the most cutting edge noise-canceling headphones and carrying them with me wherever I go, handing them out to people that insist on listening to their terrible music in public. Also some industrial-strength adhesive, just in case they try and stop me.
Tunnel vision. It's the name of the disease that the mole men pass onto humans when the attack at night. Unfortunately there's no cure. The only thing we can do is invade their homes and teach those dirt crawlers who's who. The plague of crossbreeds is a very real threat. Believe me, I've seen my fair share of mole ladies and I understand the pull. I once knew one named Regina. She smelled of orange blossoms and-NO. THEY MUST BE STOPPED. JOIN THE RESISTANCE TODAY.
Yee haw y'all, it's Big Jim here to tell you all about Big Jim's Big Trucks. For the low, low price of your dignity you can have the biggest, baddest truck around. We'll even throw in a gas-powered grappling hook launcher for easy entrances! The first 100 buyers will even get a free pair of TRUCK NUTZ (TM), molded fresh in house. Say hi to Dave as you walk in, he'll be in the lobby making them. Say the secret keyword "compensating" and we'll give you some sweet flame decals!
THIS SUMMER, ONE MAN, ONE TRAILER, A FIGHT TO THE DEATH. Frank Majors thought he had finished the fight. HE WAS WRONG. The trailers had been all but wiped out, but a new threat soon emerged. Smaller, quicker, DEADLIER. Frank has to kill them all, or die trying. Watch Frank as he faces his deadliest foes, blasting them to bits, driving semi-trucks into them, kicking them out of airlocks and much, much more! All leading up to the final confrontation: Frank (and his best pal Skimps the monkey) versus the trailer for the trailer for MechaHitler vs. MechaGodzilla! IN 3-D!!!!!!!!
Join us as we listen to your voicemails, catch up on some voting results, and lots more! Which one of us is a test tube baby created for the sole purpose of trolling internet has-beens? You'll have to listen to find out! Join the Discord, and don't forget to send in your suggestions for next month's movie commentary over at the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/16782125