Episode 40 - Vertical Birthday — Here's What I Don't Get

Lordy, Lordy, Look who's forty! Welcome to episode 40, everyone! Y'know, they say life begins at forty, and I'm hoping that, for once, it's not just a dumb platitude that doesn't ring true in the slightest in real life. So, let's all celebrate the beginning of the life of HWIDG by bringing in the following issues:

-Vertical Filming
-Not Doing Your Research
-Found Footage
-Waiters Singing Happy Birthday

It's not the newest sentiment, but it's still utterly relevant: complaining about people who film vertically. The problem with vertical videos is that you have to watch them on a vertical screen, and while that may work out on your smartphone, and there are a few monitor setups out there that are rotatable, it's still just a huge hassle to deal with, and it's super frustrating when, in an age of readily available 4k resolution and 8K being emergent, we're still reduced to squinting at a tiny vertical rectangle on a phone screen because someone uploaded a vertical video to Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, whatever. I mean, seriously, we know that the standard formats are 1280x720, 1920x1080, 3840x2160, and 4096x2160. I defy you to show me one theatrical or home video release that was taken seriously that was in a format of 720x1280. It just. doesn't. happen. Seriously, anyone who knows the slightest bit about screen resolution knows this. But, not everyone does their research . . .

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in the middle of a conversation, possibly even on a roll, so to speak, and we recall just a hint of the possibility of something that may be partially factual, and we'll grab at that like the last turkey leg at the Ren Fair and declare it as absolute fact in the heat of the moment. Last week, Buck did that. So, this week, his issue is more of a retraction, but even though the conversation turns to how to weaponize less than factual facts, the core of shame and regret remains. Buck doesn't want, someday down the road, for someone to stumble across an out-of-context clip of him spouting nonsense, and then that find its way into a found footage documentary . . .

What would that documentary look like? I'm sure it would be clips from this show, spliced in between shots of a bunch of teenage paleontologists digging up his long-since buried homestead, rummaging through his studio and finding his weathered and worn MAGA hat and shades. And, once found, they would be donned by one of the hapless protagonists, only to imbue them with Buck's super power. The super power of yelling at people. And the rest of the movie would be about the wielder of that power having to come to terms with the terrible responsibility of being able to shame others publicly. Speaking of being shamed publicly . . .

All of us experience birthdays. Many of us like to celebrate. Some of us like to celebrate by going out to eat. Nobody wants to be harassed by a gang of tone deaf waiters and cooks singing some variant of the happy birthday song at the top of their lungs. And yet, that's what happens. It's like the Julian Assange of birthdays leaks the cables about your special day, and the behind-the-scenes investigation begins, culminating in you being surrounded by a gaggle of clapping morons, and everyone else in the restaurant is glaring at you thinking "You just HAD to tell them it was your birthday, didn't you? You sad, attention-starved little jerk." And then you're left with that smoldering coal of shame, knowing that, at this point, there's nothing you can do to redeem yourself in the eyes of everyone around you. You just blow out your candle, crawl under the table, and make a mental note not to go out to eat next year. Of course, by the following year, you'll either have forgotten, or you'll trick yourself into believing "maybe it won't happen this year." You know better.

Sage calls in to give his opinion on last week's dress code debate, and we have a comment from Angry Stove. Who did they side with? You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!

Join the Discord and get ready for our Call-In Episode just remember to Never Forget at 9pm eastern on Monday September 11th