Hopefully as you sit down to listen to this week's miraculous episode, you find yourself in the comfort of your home. Preferably with a nice hot mug of cocoa, a fully furnished tree, and your pet bobcat purring at your side. So, prepare yourself as we parachute in with these issues:
- Xmas Light Tours
- Fake Holidays
- Wrapping Presents
Look! In the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Zack Snyder's brooding Superman! No. It's a line of imbeciles staring at houses. We all know only the lowest of lifeforms is so attracted to such shiny objects, and that's why Christmas is so popular! These well-lit houses pull in flocks of drivers from everywhere onto the street, making it harder for you to get where you're going on time, so next time you're out, pack that 12 gauge and get ready for the best fish in a barrel you've ever had.
Let's be honest, the phrase "Happy Holidays" only exists because some dumb joyriding teenagers from 2337 thought it would be hilarious to jump into a chronopod and change history so that Festivus became a joke on a sitcom instead of the singular winter holiday. The ramifications of splitting the time stream means that we are now stuck with these weird splinter holidays from other parallel timelines, and they make Tab angry! Buddy, just be glad we didn't get stuck with Toyotathon from the dieselpunk ravager timeline.
It's time for the yearly office party again and all is going well. At least Carol from HR isn't passed out ass up on the floor again this year. Your cubicle buddy Rob comes over and offers you a glass of good 'ol rum-spiked nog. What do you do? Well, If you're any kind of civilized person, the correct answer is to throw it in his face, sucker punch him, and fail to jump through the fourth floor window, rendering you unconscious. That taste of blood and carpet and shame in your mouth as security escorts you out? I'd much rather have that be bottled up and sold as a drink than eggnog.
Guess what folks? I got you a little something. You wanna know what it is? Too bad. First you must wander through the forest of Elverwrap, through the mountains of Bowtania, and into the river To-and-from. Only then will you be prepared to witness the glory that is..... THE COMPLETE SERIES BOXSET OF THE GILMORE GIRLS ON DVD! Thanks a lot Nana, here's a pack of Kools, knock yourself out.
All that and more on this festive episode! Plus, voicemails from you, yes you! Make sure to join the Discord and air your grievances: https://discord.gg/RK6q3jM