Episode 45 - Automatically Annoying
/It's Tab's twenty-third episode, which means he has officially been a special guest longer than his canadian predecessor! So, everyone be sure to congratulate him this week as we bring in the following issues:
- Basic Chick Advertising
- Automatic Password Changes
- Annoying Biological Tendencies
- No Refills After You Paid
A first for the show: I'm starting a series. A series of related issues, to more thoroughly explore a cultural concept. I'm calling this my "Basic Chick" series. That's not what I called it in the show, but we're not allowed to use profanity in our episode titles or descriptions, lest iTunes kick us off again. So, with that in mind, let me tell you about Basic Chick Advertising. It's advertising that tells you how to feel about yourself. It doesn't tell you what the product does. It doesn't tell you how to use the product, or how it stacks up against competing products. It's just flowery nonsense to sell smelly goops, smelly mists, or smelly chucks. End of story. And, what's worse, it works. Basic chicks eat it up. You can sell a basic chick anything as long as you put the right name on it. "Directed Passion Steering Column", "Morning Mist Table Saw", "Implied Romance Toilet Paper". Any of it works. It doesn't matter than the product is probably inferior and infuriating. And thinking of things that are infuriating . . .
Anyone who uses a computer at work, especially on a network, is familiar with this. Automatic Password Changes. Mandatory. Arbitrary. Time consuming. Free-will cancelling. As we discuss in the episode, what's the point of having a password on your computer at work? If what you're doing is important enough to require protection from other employees, chances are you have your own computer that no one else should be using, and you probably have an office with a door that can be locked. Problem solved. No need to pelt me with notifications three weeks in advance to change my password by what is realistically going to be one character. Who has time to make up new passwords all the time? Nobody, that's who. If you have that kind of time, you probably aren't actually doing any sort of work that requires a password to begin with. And speaking of not having time . . .
Ladies, perhaps you'll excuse me if I speak directly about a male-centric issue. You see, all of that oggling and "eye raping" that we men are so fond of and feminists gnash their teeth over is, succinctly put, not our fault. It's biology. I think most folks would be surprised at just how much of human behavior is driven by pure instinct. Sure, you may express it in thoughts, and put human language on it, but nine out of ten of your motivations are bred into you, and one of those is scoping babes. But, what happens when you try to go against your programing? I'll tell you what: frustration. As it turns out, the siren of your evolution sings an irresistable song, and so when us fellas are scanning the horizon, like our caveman ancestors did, and our eyes take note of a female human, the fleshy computer in our heads does an instant calculation, often without us noticing, and if enough criteria are met, we are coerced against our wills to investigate further. The gears are set in motion! It's not us, it's our biology! Even when we try to fight it, as I do, sometimes it's a moot point. Our biology is immutable, irrepressible, insatiable; it can never get enough. And speaking of not being able to get enough . . .
Society as a whole has a rocky relationship with the food service industry, and for good reason! Human incompetence is a daily frustration when trying to trade fiat currency with a multi-national corporation for overly processed food product and a 32oz foam cup of liquid sugar. But we do it, because it's easier than cooking for ourselves, and we're slaves to convenience. That's why is extra frustrating when you're trying to flag down a server to get your glass refilled and they pretend you don't exist. Especially after you've given them their fiat compensation. I suspect the core of the issue is that their incentive to continue serving you is out of the picture. Tack on the fact that sometimes they want that table you're at freed up for another customer, and you've got an impatient server giving you the stink eye as you glare back at them, slurping your straw at them as loudly as you can and tinkling the ice in the glass like a bell.
Sage calls in? Or, at least, they claim to be Sage. Buck dives a little bit deeper into his thoughts on the Bible's relationship to the end of the world. What kitchen appliance gets a shout-out? You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!
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