Episode 266 - Beefboozled
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As our last episode of 2021, we'd like to take this time to say goodbye to all those that we lost this year. The slicin' and dicin' Ron Popeil, the Ruff Rydin' DMX, the King of Monday Night Football John Madden, the uhhhhhhh best Burt Reynolds Norm McDonald, and much love and RIP to Shock-G and anyone else that ever got busy in a Burger King bathroom, I'm sure you're all dead of Hepatitis A, B, and C by now. But enough of that, let's look forward to next year, where the rest of your childhood heroes will bite the dust. Until then be glad this is the last time this year you'll have to hear about:
- Christmas Garbage
- Sweets
- The Jerky Racket
- New Year's Resolutions
A great man once said "America has always been defined by its excess: the Grand Canyon, professional sports contracts, Wendy's Baconator (extra bacon). I myself have 18 Lamborghinis and a Subaru station wagon. And it's because of this excess that I have flourished. I implore you, please, do no stop profiting. Live for excess, it's the American way." He was right. And with excess comes garbage. A lot of garbage. Packing material, wrapping paper, boxes, bags, plastic molds, zip-ties, batteries, receipts, cards, envelopes, bows, tape. And that's all just for the presents, don't forget the scraps, cans, and boxes that come with cooking your excessive Christmas feast afterwards.
Speaking of excess, even with a holiday devoted to letting kids run around from house to house gathering months worth of candy, we somehow find a way to outdo ourselves during the Christmas holiday season. Just how many deserts did your family have this year? Some cookies, a cake, three pies, banana pudding, peach cobbler, and brownies? Topped off with your candy-filled stocking? It's bad enough for one meal, but then you've got leftovers, and extra leftovers by the person that cooked the cake that only wanted one slice for themselves, so you've got to take the rest. So the next two weeks you're eating dessert every night like a king, then you go back to work and they've got to grease the sides of the door just to get you in, Shamu.
Hey boys, what if we's wuz ta take summa dat beef ova there, cut it up and dry it out, lettin it get all chewy and what not, then charge an arm and a leg for it, despite it being cheap beef that we just let sit around? Sounds like we're in business, the Don'll love it. We'll call it Jerky, on a count a cuz we're being jerks for makin' it cost so much.
Saying you'll do something is not the same as actually doing it. Unfortunately our dumb little lizard brains don't know that, so we get the same good feels from both. That's why we have New Year's Resolutions. Because saying you'll lose that weight, or read that book, or start drawing makes you feel just as good as actually doing it. Everyone loves planning and coming up with ideas for things. But when it comes time to do it? We get an even bigger dopamine hit from cancelling those plans. What weirdos.
All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.
Happy New Year, and Condolences to one Dick Masterson, for being Second Best.
