Episode 253 - Crango
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Introducing... Crango! The same great tastes you love from cranberries and mango, now combined into a mysterious new fruit! Why is it pitch black? We don't know, but that's how they come! It's totally safe! Why are they perfectly triangular? We also don't know, I guess they grow that way! Are they available unshelled? Don't worry, the crunchiness is a natural defense mechanism the Crango evolved in the wild! Why are they so expensive? The new Crango is actually a delicacy ,and until we find a way to import them in batch instead of one by one, the price will stay high. Isn't that awfully inefficient and bad for the environment? What do you mean? Have YOU switched over to solar yet? Do YOU turn off the lights when you leave a room for more than 15 minutes. You know, as individuals we need to worry less about a freight ship travelling around the world for a single fruit and more on what we can do ourselves to help the environment! Crango!
- Foreign Language Classes
- Low Power Microwaves
- Van Life
- More Free Things, Please
- The Fall Tease
- Mango
- Custom Tools
- Constant Upselling
Hola, me llamo person that took 4 years of Spanish in high school-o. Sorry, that's all I got. I'd probably have been better off learning from Taco Bell commercials. Live mas? I'd like to live mucho mas, but I can't balance my checkbook. What yo would really quiero is someone to teach me about taxes and things i'll actually use instead of four years wasted on seeming cultured.
If you're so strapped for cash that you can't invest in a microwave that spits out at least 1000 watts of power, you really need to rethink your life. Hell, you'd probably get to work earlier if you had, that frozen breakfast bowl would only take a minute and a half instead of six minutes and still be cold in the middle.
Remember in history when we thought that living out of your car was a cool thing that cool people did? No? Hmmmm. Then why do these people with enough money to live a comfortable normal life want to live out of a van just so they can upload a picture of a lake to Instagram every other weekend? Small spaces suck, and unless you're a clean freak, it's won't be so hot come week 5 when you can't find a laundromat that takes Bitcoin.
Imagine the audacity of someone to walk into a McDonalds and demand a free Big Mac because their friend got a free Whopper last year sometime. That's what people who play F2P games that complain about not getting even more free things sound.
The Summer knows its time is over. But like a bad tenant, he's trying every loophole he can to hold on to that sweet rental space. And just as Fall gets his foot in the door, the government passes another eviction moratorium on Seasons. Get the hell out of there, ya bum!
Big Mango is up to something I tell ya. It's everywhere now. Did they find a landfill's worth and can't sell them? Was there a science breakthrough on "natural Mango flavor"? Just like "strawberry kiwi" before it, the powers that be are cramming this fruit into EVERYTHING. But the biggest offender? Mango salsa. I want fruit in my salsa as much as I want a barbed knife in my eye.
Hex, torx, triangle bit, spanner, spline, hell I think there's a screw bit that is a miniaturized portrait of the Mona Lisa, but they all got to go. We don't need your custom screw head for "security reasons", we need it to be a standard head so we can fix it.
There must be people that just subscribe to every premium service out there to shut up the ads about signing up for it that they absolutely bombard free users with. Pop ups, emails, texts, just nonstop begging for your money. Well, they aint gonna get it. Out of spite. I'll be the last to convert.
All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.
