Episode 258 - Shake, Squeeze, & Squirt — Here's What I Don't Get

Now that November is here, it's time to hibernate! Get out of the cold and bundle up next to your extremely flammable space heater, turn on your favorite streaming service and binge, binge, binge. Because that's the American way. What could be more American than veg-ing out on the hot new series while avoiding friends and work just so you'll have something to talk to your cousin about in between bites of way too much pie after eating out of way too many different casserole dishes? America, where our salads consist of Mayonnaise, Cheese, Bacon, and a "flavor packet".

- Data Wars
- Not Leaving it at Home
- Taking Things Too Seriously
- The "Rye" Prosecution

The year is 2033, the fifth year of the war. Try as we might, the battle drones of Googazon overtake our forces more and more. The new update made them impervious to all kinetic rounds, just our luck. They hit a key data center last night, snuffed out Cpl. Robertson just like that. Said it was an old post that said "First lol. if yur not 1st, ur GAY". He will be missed, but we must press on. The search for Private James continues. The last message he was able to send said they were torturing his fellow POWs with their purchase histories, those bastards. Hold tight, men. We're coming. Roku Resistance leader Sergeant Birt, out.

At even the most menial jobs there should be an amount of professionalism present. Your customers don't care that your wife was a bitch last night or if your kid is acting up in school. Neither do your co-workers. You've got to learn to be a different person at work than at home. Bringing the baggage of your personal life in makes everyone around think less of you. If you're standing around moping because you got dumped, you're better taking the day off, not actively inhibiting other people's work.

People take their competitive hobbies way too seriously. Like sports. Sometimes it seems like the hardcore viewers are more immersed in the game than anyone actually playing. How many bar fights break out because of sports? Guy insulted the quarterback, so you're going to literally murder him? You're going to go to jail for 25+ years because some guy you don't know said something bad about some other guy you don't know? You're in too deep, man!

If dozens of seasons of Law and Order have taught me anything, it's that justice is represented by scales because just a little slip into the pocket of one side or the other will cause the scales to tip that way. The court system is a dog and pony show where the overpaid lawyers fight over definitions of words and other little quibbles in order to sway a jury that is no way impartial because its made up of people that can't be bothered to lie or get out of jury duty. So, despite classic works like Frankenstein and every story it has influenced, like The Simpsons Movie, looks like mob justice is the way to go now.

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.