Episode 256 - T.J. Hooker In Space — Here's What I Don't Get

Due to a severe pumpkin carving accident, Tab is unable to join the podcast this week, and under similar but unrelated circumstances, Tim is unable to join as he is currently confined to county jail for drunkenly attempting to re-handle a car. Fortunately the hosts were able to dictate their general thoughts on what they would be discussing and using a high end artificial intelligence, we were able to construct a makeshift episode using a library of voice lines by famous actors. So, here's Episode 256, as voiced by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone:

- Counter-Advertising
- Acceptance Speeches
- The Small Penis Frontier
- The Worst Decision Ever

Controversy sells. So what happens when certain people decide to make everything a controversy? Well, the people that make those controversies make more money! It's quite simple, actually. Just make a bunch of stuff, hope someone says the wrong thing for the current political landscape, then brush it off. Tell the people yelling at you that you're sorry and that you care, while also doubling down and selling it to the other side. Companies do not care about you. They don't care about your political or social beliefs, as long as you give them money. The less you care about them, the better off you'll be.

Acceptance speeches should be about 15 seconds long. "Thank you, I worked hard. Thanks to all the people who supported me." They should not be a platform for your political beliefs, or even worse, a run down of your life story. No one cares about your spouse, or your dumb kids, or how many people you worked with and their life stories. Just be humble, take the thing and get the hell off the stage so the rest of us can leave here sooner.

Captain James Tiberius Kirk has been to space. Of course he has, we've seen 3 seasons and 6 movies of him in space. But, now, he truly has. Shatner did it. He didn't build a spaceship in his backyard, engineer a launch and pilot it himself, but by being an icon that influenced many an astronaut, he was awarded a seat on one of Jeff Bezos' trips. And he was humbled by the experience, you could tell it in his lack-of-words. You know who wasn't humbled by the experience? Bezos. The small, Blue Man Group reject, looked down on Earth from orbit and thought, "wow, I own so much of that, I'm the coolest person ever". Oh how I wish Shatner would have Kirk-Fu'd his ass out of the airlock.

Have you ever come across a decision so mind-bendingly stupid, so vehemently dumb, that you had to lay down and think about the series of decisions in life that led you to that point? How it felt like seeing one of the world wonders but in the opposite way? How it made you think about the chaos that is the universe and how it formed the perfect planet to sustain life, and that life then evolved over millions of years into humans who invented civilization, and that socio-political changes drove masses of people here and there and eventually you were born to witness this stupidity of gargantuan proportions?

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.